Probably it’s a trash pick-up day for this family which reminds me of my high school principal always asking students who he came across to pick up trashes nearby. We mocked him, and it might result from the stupidity of being lectured by an old bald man. Strange as it seems to be that, now, I am touched by this family for cleaning up their neighborhood. #nikon #nikonFE

CW/TW: abuse, emotional violence, gaslighting, cheating. Let me start by saying I am okay now. I ended the relationship in December and have blocked this person from my life and have had no contact whatsoever in the last three months. I may be putting myself in danger by posting this, but I feel it needs to be said. I’ve only recently started unpacking some of the compartmentalized trauma and letting myself feel the rage, the despair, the hurt, and the terrible sadness I ignored to protect myself. Some of my close friends knew parts of it, and they all expressed concern to me at some point, but there really was nothing anyone else could do for me when I was stuck in that place. I was mocked and criticized constantly. For my art, my eating habits, my appearance, my social media, my friends, my beliefs, my joy. I was monitored and scrutinized and belittled on such a scale that I gave up photography and posting for months (some of you may remember that). I almost quit music. He would constantly get into arguments with me when he drank, get furious with me for calling out his drinking, dump me, block me, and then take me back the next day as if nothing happened. When I caught him cheating, he lied and used all sorts of reasons to cover up the truth, so drastic and devastating that I felt like a horrible person for pushing any further in my questioning. Once I was threatened with a libel lawsuit that then all but silenced me from confiding in my friends. On a separate occasion, he used my thumb to unlock and comb through my phone while I was sleeping in a hospital bed due to appendicitis. Bit by bit, I was isolated from my support system, stripped of my confidence, devoid of self worth, and my sense of reality was so distorted that he convinced me I was of equal fault for what he did to me. Was I perfect? No, but that gave him no right to do any of this. I’m not saying this to attack him or to ask for pity. I am saying this because i want to declare that I survived. And if you are someone who has been thinking about leaving a toxic relationship but don’t know if you should, I’m telling you: do it. Nothing justifies abuse. You’ll be much happier.

「Pretty Girl Feels 」mocked by the Internet Girl on @experiencevolta #volta #ableton #VR #oculus #experimentalmusic #spokenword #egotrip vs #selfesteem