人生父母養！
人家外勞警衛也是盡自己的本份而已。
在疫情期間進入任和商店商場規矩就是一定要掃描手機才可以讓你進入，是妳自己忘記帶手機，妳不帶手機沒得掃描，警衛當然要妳填寫資料。妳就偏偏要說填寫資料那個筆不衛生容易受感染，受感染的話誰負責？ 是你這外勞警衛門口狗負責嗎？

這種沒有家教沒有修養的女人，講話一點水準都沒有！妳穿的在美，妳全身用名牌打扮的再漂亮又怎麼樣？不禮貌不尊重別人，人格簡直就是0分！

身為正義雞婆的我，一聽到這樣罵人，我說如果妳認為他是狗的話，那妳也是一隻母狗， 而且是一直亂吠的母狗，因為我們大家都是同類！

我覺得職業不分高低貴賤，真的不能用到這樣的字眼侮辱看不起人，真的太過分了！人家也是打一份工作，在盡自己的責任而已！

The guards of foreign workers are doing their part.
During the epidemic, the rule of entering any store is that you must scan your mobile phone to allow you to enter. It is because you forgot to bring your mobile phone. The guards, of course, ask you to fill in the information. The lady doesn't want one to use the pen to fill in the information is unhygienic and easy to be infected. Who is responsible for the infection? Is it your foreign worker guard dog at the door responsible?

You see, this kind of woman who has no tutoring and self-cultivation has no standard of speaking at all! You are wearing beautiful clothes, so how beautiful is your whole body dressed up with famous brands?Being impolite and disrespecting others, personality is simply 0 points!

As a righteous， when I heard such a curse, I said that if you think he is a dog, then you are also a bitch, and a bitch that keeps barking because we are all the same kind!

There is no distinction between high and low occupations. Is rude to can't use such words to insult and despise people. It's really too much! People are just doing their responsibilities in their job only!

.
送禮

Photography: 黑雨舍
Translation: @benkongenglish
.
想不透在什麼樣的背景下
送禮習慣誕生了
是家裡的果樹豐收 所以送給街訪鄰居？
為表達濃厚的感情 所以煉成一枚信物？
因為對方缺乏物質 所以支持他的生活？
.
我不懂生產 也缺乏物質慾望
自然難以理解他人想要什麼禮物
怕送禮廉價 或不合對方的習慣
轉送禮物好像又不禮貌
送自己不要的東西給喜歡它的人 合不合宜？
.
我將持續在重要的日子探索這個難題
若你要送我禮物 一句真心的祝福足矣
.
The act of gifting was born in an unknown backcloth.
Do we gift fruits to our neighbours because the fruit trees bore lots of fruits?
Do we forge a token to express our overwhelming love?
Do we support someone’s life because he’s materially insufficient?
.
I don’t know much about manufacturing and I’m not a person who place much emphasis on material comforts.
It is rather difficult for me to think of what to gift to other people.
A gift that is too cheap; not what the receiver usually use etc haunt me all the time.
Regifting seems impolite too.
Is it appropriate to gift someone things I don’t want?
.
This will be a puzzle I have to solve on every big occasion
If you want to give me a gift, a sincere blessing is more than enough.

<脫口秀小訣竅中英翻譯-靈感篇>

文長注意!

之前小歐在脫口秀社團po了外國佛心大神脫口秀演員Gary Gulman，在twitter上連載的366個脫口秀小訣竅。

小妹就認領了靈感篇來翻譯。以下為22個小訣竅的中英文對照，若有翻的不盡理想的地方，請留言詳述，我會再看怎麼修改。原文和網誌版會放在留言處，方便大家查看。

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Ideas
靈感

Tip No. 41: You know those quirky little things you do and think? Collect them in a file or on paper. Even if you’re a storyteller, you can use these as details to add depth and distinction to your jokes.
你了解自己做或想的古怪小事嗎? 把他們記錄在紙上或檔案夾裡。即使你是講故事的人，也可以將這些內容作為細節，以增加笑話的深度和特色。

GARY'S FAVORITES
Gary(原作者)的最愛
Tip No. 45: Don’t Hoard Jokes
Don’t worry about “burning” material on a special or album. Hoarding jokes may signal to your brain that you’re out of ideas. “You can’t use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have.” — Maya Angelou.
不要囤積笑話。不要怕在演出或專場用光自己累積的材料。囤積笑話會對你的大腦發出信號，暗示你已經沒有想法。如同Maya Angelou所說:”你無法耗盡創意。 你使用的越多，你擁有的就越多。”

Gary’s thoughts on Tip No. 45: This attitude has been crucial to an unprecedented streak of creativity over the last two years. I’ve written four hours of material, which is almost as much as I wrote in my first 23 years of comedy. Most important has been my health, this idea may be second.
Gary對此建議的想法: 在過去兩年中，這種態度對我的前所未有的創造力，有著至關重要的影響。我已經寫了四個小時的素材，這幾乎與我前23年的喜劇寫作一樣多。最重要的是我的健康，這個想法則排名第二位。

Tip No. 62: Look for inspiration everywhere. Paintings, music, poetry, rap, novels, nonfiction, short stories, theater, philosophy, etc. can all provide a spark for creativity. Cross-pollinate your work with broad influences and watch your creativity grow.
在各處尋找靈感。繪畫、音樂、詩歌、饒舌、小說、非小說、短篇故事、戲劇、哲學..等，都可以為創造力提供火花。以廣泛的影響力對你的工作進行異花授粉(原文:cross pollination，藉由風或昆蟲從別的花獲得繁衍的花粉)，並觀察你的創造力增長。

Tip No. 63: Write it all down while the coffee is still telling you you’re mighty. Reread after you’ve turned back into Dr. Banner (yes he’s a genius, but not as self-confident in that condition). That buzz is so valuable but needs editing.
在咖啡發揮效果告訴你”你超棒”的時期，把所有想法寫下來。當你回復成原本的自我 (原文: Dr. Banner，也就是尚未變身成綠巨人浩克的班納博士，是個缺乏自信的天才)時，重讀一次剛才的寫作。思緒激昂(原文:buzz，也有微醺、很鏘的意思)很珍貴，但需要編輯。

GARY'S FAVORITES
Gary(原作者)的最愛
Tip No. 90: After a Good Set, Brainstorm
You just had a great set. Instead of celebrating, use that hour or so after when the synapses are still firing and your confidence is soaring to voice record or write down the ideas that pop up during that especially fertile creative time.
如果你剛完成一場精采的表演，不用太早慶祝，要在大腦突觸仍在觸發、信心爆發、靈感特別豐腴的創作時間裡，把突然出現的想法錄音或寫下，再多花一個小時左右的時間繼續創作吧。

Gary’s thoughts on Tip No. 90: Huge help in making jokes that work longer and coming up with tangents and inspired ideas.
Gary對此建議的想法: 這建議在創作笑話的過程中提供巨大幫助，並提供變化和啟發性的想法。

Tip No. 92: Notice where you do your best thinking. The shower? Running? Listening to music? Not listening to music? Driving? Walking? Make sure to put yourself in the places where you’re doing your best thinking as frequently as possible.
你有注意過你在哪個’場景最能好好思考嗎。沐浴時？跑步時？聽音樂時？不聽音樂時？開車時?走路時？請盡量把自己放在最適合思考的場域。

Tip No. 132: I think you can limit frustration and discouragement by writing just a page on a new premise before trying it out onstage. See if there’s anything there before you spend a day on a new joke. But if you’re truly excited by the new idea, keep going!
我認為你可以在上台試笑話之前，先寫一頁的新前提，這可以限制你的挫敗感和沮喪感。在你花一整天開發新笑話之前，先研究前提是否可挖掘。但是，如果你真心對這個新點子感到興奮，那就放手去做吧!

Tip No. 143: Listen to strangers’ conversations. (I tell myself it’s not impolite if they’re being super-loud.) I got “How Dottie is that?” when a supercilious woman named Jodi bragged “How Jodi is that?” “So Jodi,” her friend replied.
偷聽陌生人的對談(我都告訴自己偷聽並不是沒禮貌的行徑，是他們講話太大聲了)。我有一次聽到一個名叫Jodi的膚淺女人吹噓"How Jodi is that?"，她朋友回覆:"So Jodi"，我因此想出了我的 “How Dottie is that?” 笑話。

Tip No. 157: Need new joke ideas? Be sensitive. If you’re uncomfortable with that word, use “irritable” (or grow up). A lot of good comedy comes from reaction to injustice or discomfort large and small, which requires being hypersensitive to those feelings.
需要新的笑話創意嗎？保持敏感。如果你對這個詞不滿意，請使用“煩躁”(或成長)。 許多優秀喜劇源自於對不平等或不適的大大小小的反應，產生這些感覺都需要保持敏感。

Tip No. 217: “All art is autobiographical. The pearl is the oyster’s autobiography.” — Federico Fellini. Purposefully mine your personal history for your act. Your life is a wellspring. Dig deep.
Federico Fellini說過:“所有藝術都是自傳。珍珠是牡蠣的自傳。”有目的得挖掘你的個人經歷，以作為你的演出。你的生活是靈感之源。請深入挖掘。

Tip No. 241: Many of your favorite writers include the same themes/subjects/objects/interests repeatedly in their work. Don’t be afraid to return again and again to your passions and obsessions to explore and expound.
你最愛的許多作家，都會在他們的作品裡重複探討相同的主題/目標/對象/興趣。不要害怕在你的熱情和沉迷之處，一次又一次得重複探索和闡述。

Tip No. 285: Explore unusual angles in a joke. Example: Examine things from the POV of a child or an Expert. My man Jimmy P and I still laugh over his “Martian response to high school football practice: Why are the hard-heads (players) taking orders from the small soft-heads (coach)?”
在笑話中探索不尋常的觀點。例如：從孩子或專家的視角觀看事物。我和我的兄弟Jimmy P仍會為他的笑話大笑:“火星人對高中足球訓練的反應：為什麼硬頭(球員)會從小型軟頭(教練)那裡得到命令？”

Tip No. 297: One of the miracles of comedy is that you can get redemption for suffering, small and large, by making something funny with it. When you are ready, try to write something funny about your mistakes, setbacks, or even tragedies.
喜劇的奇蹟之一是，藉由使事情變得有趣，你可以從大大小小的苦難中得到救贖。 當你準備就緒時，請嘗試寫一些有關你的錯誤、挫折甚至悲劇的有趣訊息。

Tip No. 298: Skim your life for the unusual events and activities that you can’t believe you were a part of or that people can’t believe you were a part of. Then write about it! Back row No. 93 MULLET:
No. 93後衛MULLET: “瀏覽你一生經歷過的、你或別人不敢相信你參與其中的奇特事件和活動。然後把它寫下來吧!“

Tip No. 310: When it comes to solving the puzzles that are our jokes, draw on every area of knowledge, expertise, and talent. It’s so gratifying to use a fact, a lesson, or a memory from elementary school, high school, or elsewhere to fill in the joke.
在解決我們玩笑的難關時，請利用各個領域的常識、專業知識和才能。用小學、高中或其他地方的事實、課業或回憶來充實笑話，會非常令人滿足。

Tip No. 311: Some of your best ideas will come to you in the shower. There’s science behind why it happens. Get a shower notepad if you have trouble remembering your ideas. Don’t listen to music. Listen to your thoughts. Ruminate on tonight’s set or a new joke.
洗澡時，你可能想到一些最好的點子。這現象的發生原因有科學依據。如果你難以記住自己的想法，請準備淋浴記事本。不要聽音樂。聽你的想法。用今晚的場景或一個新的笑話來反思。

Tip No. 313: Try teaching or informing the audience about something through some of your jokes. We love to learn while being entertained and vice versa. You have knowledge? Put it in your act! Just make sure it’s funny.
試試看通過講笑話來教導或告知聽眾新知識吧。我們喜歡在娛樂的同時學習，反之亦然。你有新知識嗎？把它放在你的演出！只要確保它很有趣就行。

Tip No. 327: Going home for Thanksgiving? Take copious notes! Your family is unique. Being reminded of the dynamics and adding new memories will be great resources for your act. “Family isn’t a word. It’s a sentence.”
逢年過節你會回家和家人團聚嗎？做大量筆記！你的家人是獨一無二的。記住動態場景並添加新的記憶，這會是你表演的寶貴資源。“家庭不是一個詞。 而是一個句子。”

Tip No. 331: There are great stories from our lives that we’re not able to translate into stand-up. Don’t throw them out. Collect those stories in a file for radio and TV and other interview situations.
我們生活中有許多很棒的故事，但我們無法將其轉化為脫口秀。可是不要把它們丟掉。要將這些故事收集在資料夾裡，以後在進行廣播和電視或採訪時可能用的到。

Tip No. 340: Volunteer! Especially if you don’t have a day job. There are so many opportunities to help. You will do good and have something new to write about. In NYC we have New York Cares. One year we decorated an elementary school for Halloween.
如果你沒有正職工作，當志工吧！你會有很多機會能幫助別人。你會做得很好，並有新的事情能寫。在紐約，我們設有紐約關懷中心。今年我們為萬聖節裝飾了一所小學。

Tip No. 358: I have recently started audio recording all notes sessions (for projects), and next time I pitch jokes with a friend I will record that too. It’s very helpful. You will be surprised at what you forgot when you listen back. Ask permission first.
我最近開始錄製所有筆記會話(用於專案)的錄音檔，並且下次我與朋友開玩笑時，我也會錄音。這非常有幫助。當你回聽時，你會驚訝於你忘記了什麼。但錄音前請先徵得許可。

Tip No. 360: Spending holidays with kids? Pay attention to them. Listen to them. Take note and embrace their curiosity and enthusiasm within your writing. (Also avoid the “kids these days” writing. It’s lazy.) Merry Christmas from your second favorite long-haired Jew.
和孩子一起度假嗎？注意觀察他們。聽他們說話。寫下你觀察到的東西並注意，並在寫作中懷抱孩子們的好奇心和熱情。(不要流水帳的寫“現在的小屁孩都如何如何”。這很懶。)你第二喜歡的長髮猶太叔叔在此祝你聖誕快樂(註，原作Gary是猶太人)。

我和Zafir的變裝皇后化妝影片第二集 如果你們要不尊重變妝皇后或再這支影片下機機歪歪的話 我會直接把你封鎖 因為這種行為對我們來說是fucking bull shit 不懂尊重他人我們也不會尊重你 大家都有做自己的權利 忠於自我活出精彩！

This is me and my friend Zafir’s part 2 Dressing Drag Queen's video. If someone is impolite to this film, I will directly block you, and you will continue to live in your own world. Of course, if you are not a kind and open-minded person and don’t know how to respect, there is no way for you to enter the wonderful world of me. Everyone do have the right to be who you want to be, so just believe in your heart.

這是我和我朋友Zafir打扮變妝皇后的影片 分成上下二集 喜歡的話請盡請期待我們的第二集 不喜歡我們也沒差 我們喜歡就好 影片重點是要大家尊重變妝皇后 這是一個需花費很多心力的角色 在仼何國家變妝皇后受到極度尊重的禮遇 所以請不要再做井底之蛙 如果這支影片有人不禮貌 我會直接加入黑名單 你就繼續活在你的小世界吧 你沒有一個善良多元的心 當然也別想進入我精彩的世界 Peace and love😘
徵求陪搖屁股 放彩虹小馬肛塞的朋友

This is me and my friend Zafir’s Dressing Drag Queen's video and it divided into episode 1 and 2. If you like it please do not hesitate to look forward to our second episode. It doesn’t matter if you don’t like us.
The key point of this film is to tell everyone to respect the Drag Queen. In the same time you also need to know that the characters have to spend a lot of time and energy on it, and they are treated with extreme respect in any country. So please don't be a shortsighted person. If someone in this film is impolite, I will directly block you, and you will continue to live in your own world. Of course, if you don’t have a good and diverse hearts there is no way for you to enter the wonderful world of me

Peace and love.

Ask for a friend to shake and putting rainbow dash butt plug

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