【我親愛的Zoom視訊客人們】
To My Dear Zoom Clients

我忍了真的⋯⋯真的⋯⋯很久，今天過後實在忍無可忍，一定要叮嚀所有過去和未來的客人們。

我年紀很大了，受不了太大的刺激。

拜託，你們可以Zoom好來嗎？😓😑

一、Zoom視訊的視角 = 拍護照照的視角

護照自2020年起就已成為古董，但大家這一生應該有拍過證件照吧！

對了，就是要頭髮整齊，讓我看到你的雙耳、雙眼、鼻子、嘴巴、頸項和肩膀，到胸部。

我批八字時，需要看整個面相。不要讓你一半的臉掉出鏡頭外，這樣很像鍾無艷，也不要嘴巴不見掉，這樣我很像在跟一條羅漢魚視訊。

我看面相包括看你的嘴巴、牙齒和說話時的嘴形。是的，看相就是需要那麼仔細。

如果你的螢幕太低，那就找書本或舊報紙，把螢幕墊高一點。別讓我整一個小時半只看到你的雙下巴，會把你的面相比例給看錯。

不要一直告訴我不好意思，方法是人想出來的。

•

二、光線

太暗，我看你如見鬼。
太亮，我會看不清你的膚色。
拉開窗簾，不要背向陽光。
有必要的話，就直接開燈！

•

三、勿放什麼椰樹沙灘/金門大橋的虛擬背景圖

什麼虛擬背景圖都不要放啦～

我的家美最重要，我不在乎你的家美不美，我只是來看命的。

如果你的Wi-Fi不是很強，電腦功能不是很厲害，這類的虛擬背景圖會讓你的視訊畫面卡卡的。

有時你轉個身，整個右邊不見了，或部份的頭髮少了，讓我覺得我好像在看恐怖片，嚇人啊～

•

四、環境和聲音

有些海外客人其實非常用心。為了與我視訊，特別去買有麥克風的耳機🎧，讓我能更清楚的聽到他們的聲音。😍

沒有使用耳機和麥克風的客人，往往他們的聲音會有種空氣般的回音，如果他們本身講話又小聲，我的耳機聲量開滿，我還是聽得滿辛苦的

也有香港和馬來西亞客人租過會議室、鐘點房間或單人工作室，就是為了不受家人的干擾，能安心的與我視訊。😍

最有趣的是，去年新加坡阻斷措施時，有位男客人跑到屋外的走廊坐在地上與我視訊。只是外頭風聲有點大，我好幾次都聽不清楚他的聲音。

曾有客人在咖啡廳與我視訊。咖啡廳裡的高談闊論聲和器皿的敲擊聲，頻頻從我的耳機闖進我的耳朵，哇～我的耳朵那時真的是活受罪，還要裝一副氣定神閒的樣子。

天啊，兩次過後，我寧願退錢，也不再見這樣的客人了。耳朵只有一對，我要保護好啊！

在這裡聲明：一般我們買手機時的那種有麥克風的耳機，就已能視訊。沒有戴耳機和麥克風的客人，我一概會拒絕諮詢，把費用原銀奉還。

五、孩子

曾試過諮詢的前20分鐘，一直被女客人的小孩打擾，進來哭著要媽媽主持公道。

如果你家中有六歲以下的兒童，會時不時來敲你的門，我建議你還是先別約我。你這樣會分心，無法聽好我交代的事，而我也得一直等你去安撫你的孩子，就無法在限定時間內看完你的八字，這樣對誰都不公平。

六、我只見客人一人

這個規矩，從我一出道就定下來，也清楚的寫在網站上，根本不用一而再的來試探水溫。

但這兩個星期，還是有客人硬闖關，事先安排自己的配偶/孩子坐在電腦的另一面，要他們聽我講他的八字。

我從不改我的規矩，也沒有八字或風水是我非看不可的。

讀書這麼高，連自己的命都不能自己負責，這已經不是能改到命的人了。

你一定要你的配偶陪你聽，那你需要的不是我來教你改命，是你的配偶來安你的心。

將來若還有這樣的事，我會直接中斷視訊，把錢退回去。

七、「我第一次用Zoom！」

可是從報名那天到今天的諮詢，你有兩個月的時間去摸索。

兩個月，怎麼還是錯誤百出？因為客人根本沒有事先準備和練習。

結果我就這樣等了20分鐘，還得等對方下載軟件。

Zoom不難使用，但如果是你沒有花時間去摸索，就不要撒謊，直接說，我就直接退現錢。

品德是改命的資糧，不要為了自己能脫身就隨便編一個漏洞百出的謊，還說自己是好人。這...不會臉皮太厚了嗎？

小事都不願做好，絕對不會成大器。

八、暈車

有些客人用Ipad或手機來視訊。

重點是，他一支手拿著手機，一支手拿筆寫筆記。他一邊寫，另一支手就一邊搖晃。他做在床上，移動一下，手機就彷彿大海嘯幾下🌊

我一天如果見三個這樣客人，我的視線就搖晃了5個小時。工作完畢後，頭也會痛得厲害，無法完成晚上製片的工作。

沒有自拍器三腳架，也應該有些書本或東西來頂著手機。

各位，多點善心，為我著想一下吧⋯⋯

__________________________

To My Dear Zoom Clients

I have been enduring it for a really really long time. That's it! I am gonna put a stop to this after today and send out this reminder to all my past and future clients.

I am getting on in years, and cannot stand too much stimulation.

Please.... can you guys do a proper Zoom?

Number 1: Going on screen in Zoom = Taking a photograph for your passport.

Since 2020, the passport has become something of an antique but I believe everyone has taken some kind of ID photos! Yes, the ones with your neatly combed trusses where I can see both your ears, nose, mouth, neck, shoulder all the way to your chest.

I would like to see your full face during the Bazi Consultation. Please don't allow half your face to fall off the screen and you end up looking like Zhong Wu Yan! Please also don't hide your mouth making me feel like I am talking to a Arrowana.

When I analyze your facial features, it includes your mouth, teeth and the shape of your mouth while you are talking. Yes, it is down to such level of details.

If your PC / Laptop monitor is too low, please find a book or old newspapers and stack it on top. Please don't let me only see your double chin for that 1.5 hours, as I would probably get the proportion of your face wrong.

Don't keep telling me you are apologetic. Think of a way out.

Number 2: The background lighting.

Too dark, you risk looking like a ghost.

Too bright, I cannot figure out your skin color.

Draw open the curtains, but don't face your back to the sunlight.

If necessary, just turn on the lights!

Number 3: Background images of coconut trees on sandy beaches or the Golden Gate Bridge.

There is no need to put on a virtual background. I only care about how my hone looks, I am not bothered by yours. I am only here to see your Bazi.

If your WIFI signal or your PC / Laptop performance is poor, using the virtual background can often make your Zoom video choppy. Sometimes when you turn your body, one side of your body or some part of your hair will disappear. It's really like one of those spooky movies scaring the wits out of me.

•

Number 4: Background environment and noise.

Some of my overseas clients really put in effort for our Zoom sessions. They bought a headset with a mic so that I can hear them properly and vice versa.

Those that did not use a earphone or a headset often sounded echo-ish, and if they spoke softly, I would have to turn on the volume on my side full throttle and still have a hard time trying to hear them.

There are some clients from Hong Kong and Malaysia who would rent meeting rooms, hotel rooms or private work spaces by the hour so as to reduce any disturbance from others and better focus on the Zoom session with me.

I recalled an interesting incident during the Circuit Breaker last year. A client from Singapore Zoom-ed with me along the corridor outside his house. Most of the time, I was hearing the howling of the winds rather than his voice.

Some clients sat themselves in coffee places for our session. These places are often filled with loud chatters and the clanging of cups and plates, and my ears suffered terribly. Yet, I have to continue to be seen as composed and attentive.

Goodness me, after 2 of such experiences, I decided that I rather refund these clients and never see them again. I have only 1 pair of ears and I want to protect them at all costs!

A normal earpiece that comes with the purchase of a handphone is good enough for Zoom video calls. For clients who do not have a earpiece/headset and a mic, I would end the consultation and refund the monies.

•

Number 5: Children

There was once where a session with a female client was repeatedly disrupted by her kids, running in crying for their mother to settle their quarrels. If you have children below 6 years of age, and likely to interrupt our session, I suggest you don't book a consultation with me.

You will be distracted, unable to focus on my advice and I have to wait for you to clear up the situation with your children, eating into the allowable time for me to complete the consultation. This is unfair to both you and me.

•

Number 6: I only meet one person, that is the Client.

I have set this requirement the day I stepped into this line of work, and it is clearly written in my booking form. There is no need to try your luck under any circumstances.

But in the space of 2 weeks, there were some clients who rode their luck and got their spouse / child to sit on the other side of the screen to listen in on our consultation.

I never change my stance, and there is no single client that I cannot afford to lose.

If you insist to have your spouse sit in, it is apparent that you do not need me to help transform your destiny. Rather you really need your spouse to put your heart at ease.

If such things happen the next time, I will end the session immediately and refund the fees.

•

Number 7: "My first time using Zoom"

But you have 2 full months to prepare before our actual consultation. You did not end up wasting time exploring the software and I wasted 20 mins waiting for you to download the software.

Zoom is an easy software to use but if you did not spend the time to familiarize yourself with it, please quit the lies and tell me directly. I will refund the consultation fees on the spot.

Our moral ethics serve as the foundation for our transformation. Stop weaving web of lies to get out of sticky situations, and still claim that you are a good person. Isn't this too thick-skinned?

•

Number 8: Giddy spells

Some clients use Ipad or their handphones for the Zoom session. Crucially, they hold the device with one hand, and take notes with the other. As they write, the other hand holding the phone becomes shaky. If he is doing that on his bed, his handphone would shake like a tsunami wave every time he changes his position.

If I see 3 such clients within a day, it would be 5 hours of shaking visuals for me. That would mean a splitting headache at the end of my work day, and not being able to work on my videos at night.

Even if you don't have a tripod stand, at least prop up the device with a book or something.

Please everyone, please be kind and have mercy on me......

剛我突然想到一件害羞的事🙈
姐以前在判斷曖昧對象對我有沒有意思的時候，看他跟我說話的時候有沒有無意識的盯著我的嘴唇就知道了！準確率高達80％ 以上🤣🤣🤣這個小眼神小動作男生自己也沒辦法控制，因為這是他們的天性😑😑😑（剛一開始打成獸性😁)
所以姐出門約會前，常常挑最久的不是衣服，是唇膏🙈🙈🙈
一個誘人的嘴唇比起什麼漂亮衣服都來的重要啊❤️❤️❤️
帶出門補妝最重要的也是口紅！

今天封面這支唇膏是不是炸開的美！它擦起來我最愛的半霧質地
內含3D 半球型粉體、3 倍精華油注入、擦起來只有滑順好推而已👍
外觀看我拍成這樣也知道它有多討人喜歡哈哈哈，外面的蕾絲是跟法國頂級蕾絲工坊聯名，瓶身是那種淡淡的霧面玫瑰金...總之帶出門很有面子就對了啦！

我最喜歡的顏色是#196 Pleasure First 這色基本上是熱戀期的顏色🤣🤣🤣是帶橘的紅，擦起來很有氣色又不會太紅，適合適合想在特殊節日來點特別的唇色但又怕太誇張的女生

這色是我的最愛#888 Kind Of Sexy 我覺得它的紅很冷艷！帶一點葡萄紫的紅色調，擦起來有很性感但的氛圍！我自己擦起來之後覺得整個人氣質也變得不太一樣，超愛的！

再來這色我覺得應該很多人愛！#274 Killing me softly 它是傳說中沒有人會雷到的泰奶色，搭配各種妝容都無違和，是那種最溫柔的奶茶色

2/6 全台開賣！蘭蔻為你的愛情再升溫! 最有愛意的折價 愛你久久!
 情人節特別推出「情人節告白唇膏組」兩支唇膏限量優惠$2,099
 再贈送蕾絲告白氣球，2/6 必須準時開搶，男朋友/另一半們快點筆記！
#蘭蔻 #蕾絲小粉管 #蕾絲告白氣球 #蘭蔻愛情唇膏 #LancomeTW

話說回來...大家是怎麼判斷曖昧對象對自己有意思的？

【989陽光列車 0900-1200 每週歌單】

1/8 (五)
09:03:11 雪人 范曉萱/王力宏
09:07:43 Be The One Dua Lipa
09:11:01 假動作 房祖名
09:17:21 幾分之幾 盧廣仲
09:21:47 Goodbye My Friends 生命樹樂團
09:25:57 飄洋過海來看你 劉明湘
09:34:26 ONE SuperM
09:39:04 CHEESE 太妃堂TOFFEE
09:42:40 迷你裙 旺福
09:50:00 Hey Baby No Doubt
09:53:24 Rock The Party 大囍門
Total time is 60:01
10:04:11 FUTURE IN YOUR EYES (DEMO) 周湯豪
10:07:51 小聰明 楊丞琳
10:11:02 New Flame Chris Brown 克里斯小子/Usher,Rick Ross
10:17:00 龍舌蘭(粵) 陳奕迅
10:21:39 馬桶 劉德華
10:26:05 Run Away 原子邦妮
10:33:57 Afterglow Ed Sheeran 紅髮艾德
10:37:58 放不過自己 方大同
10:42:38 Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow 明天你是否依然愛我 (Live) 松隆子
10:49:49 愛你沒差 周杰倫
10:54:20 禁止觸摸 宇宙人
Total time is 60:01
11:04:06 One Day 有朝一日 夏芮絲Charice
11:07:16 愛磁場 張韶涵
11:10:22 Sexy Lady 石康鈞
11:16:13 找一個伴(台) 蔡佳麟
11:21:12 我愛你 蕭賀碩
11:25:15 愛過你有多久就有多痛 蕭秉治(廷廷)
11:32:41 Someday 秦宇子
11:36:18 Sorry Sorry(Rearranged) SUPER JUNIOR
11:41:30 退讓 曾昱嘉
11:44:57 說到愛 蔡健雅
11:51:03 All We Know The Chainsmokers 老菸槍雙人組
11:54:15 夏天的聖誕節 B.A.D
Total time is 60:00

1/7 (四)
09:04:05 豐年祭印象 美好的日子
09:07:37 換一個心動 SpeXial-偉晉
09:11:50 TOO MUCH 連晨翔
09:16:09 Nice to Meet Ya [Clean] Meghan Trainor/Nicki Minaj
09:19:31 愛那麼新鮮 The Lighters 萊特姊弟
09:23:36 追 孫燕姿
09:27:03 呼吸 J.Sheon
09:33:33 Best Of Me Daniel Powter 丹尼爾
09:38:52 Hey Baby你是我的 李佳薇
09:42:08 停不住的情歌 生物股長
09:51:05 Yes I do Supper Moment
09:55:46 忘記你 Beyond
Total time is 60:00
10:04:10 花香 許紹洋
10:08:44 大女孩 許莉潔
10:11:39 藍色是最溫暖的顏色 鄧福如
10:16:38 容易受傷的女人(粵) 王菲
10:20:50 心．洞 陳勢安
10:25:38 風箏 嵐
10:34:00 裸體早餐 鄭秀文
10:39:50 Old Me 5 Seconds Of Summer
10:42:52 怪怪牌 郭采潔
10:49:58 Close To You 黃鶯鶯
10:54:27 最難的是相遇 吳青峰
Total time is 60:01
11:04:04 不愛別的 蔡日軒
11:08:21 享受風 林芯儀
11:12:07 Luka Suzanne Vega 蘇珊薇格
11:18:37 幸福青春路(台) 潘佩莉/荒山亮
11:23:29 伴 劉鳳瑤
11:28:04 When The Wind Blows 少女時代-潤娥
11:35:39 艾美麗 愛美麗 莫文蔚
11:40:10 看破 曾昱嘉
11:43:22 梁山伯與茱麗葉 卓文萱/曹格
11:50:16 Up向上 James Morrison 詹姆斯墨里森
11:54:13 突然好想你 徐佳瑩
Total time is 60:01

1/6 (三)
09:03:18 天天想你live 五月天
09:07:51 讓我想一想(LIVE版) 陳綺貞
09:11:40 Satellite Two Door Cinema Club 雙門電影俱樂部
09:17:15 寂寞寂寞不好 曹格
09:21:50 房客 呂婕菲
09:25:21 Kelly 蕭敬騰
09:33:50 有一天妳會 光永亮太
09:41:11 我只能在夢裡 賴慈泓
09:44:28 密室逃脫 女孩與機器人
09:51:05 那我先 孫盛希/呂士軒
09:55:10 They Long To Be(close to you) We Love Carpenters
Total time is 60:00
10:04:04 要去高雄 宇宙人
10:08:42 B.O. OZI/9m88
10:12:34 KISS THE SKY Jason Derulo A咖傑森
10:18:02 想見你想見你想見你(粵語版) 八三夭
10:22:00 友達 (另：朋友) 安全地帶
10:25:53 七月的陽光 蔡佳靈
10:34:07 Gotta Give Me iO樂團
10:40:29 Killing Me Softly With His Song The Fugees
10:45:27 愛的嫌疑人 關詩敏
10:52:11 當找到你 李克勤
11:00:53 誰 Karencici
Total time is 60:01
11:04:13 喜歡你 (管弦樂 ver.) 森山良子
11:09:14 幸福的旁觀者 林育群
11:12:21 簡單的人 韓庚
11:18:12 雪咧飛(台) 黃妃
11:22:54 親愛的你怎麼不在我身邊 江美琪
11:27:07 謝謝 北七樂團
11:37:08 如果沒有你 曾昱嘉
11:41:05 離開我 陶晶瑩
11:49:43 飛得更高 派偉俊
11:53:51 A Whole New World ZAYN 贊恩/Zhavia Ward
Total time is 60:00

1/5 (二)
09:03:16 我只想唱歌 張學友
09:06:29 Dreamer Echo 李昶俊
09:10:17 TERRITORY 藤原 浩
09:15:48 Goodbye My Friends 生命樹樂團
09:19:56 Goodbye My Friend 小男孩樂團
09:24:24 腦公 蔡依林
09:27:13 花花世界 田馥甄
09:34:34 I Believe I Can Fly R. Kelly
09:40:14 好的愛 傅宇昊
09:44:21 人累 習譜予
09:51:09 Afterglow Ed Sheeran 紅髮艾德
09:54:10 怎麼可能會寂寞 吳听徹
Total time is 60:00
10:04:10 莫忘初衷 動力火車
10:08:21 慢冷 梁靜茹
10:17:55 復活(粵) 丁噹
10:21:55 愛無所畏 呂薔
10:25:28 留住你的美 阿達/陳零九
10:32:28 How You Like That BLACKPINK
10:36:23 SO HOT 陳曉東
10:39:19 Our Time(Radio Edit) Lily Allen 莉莉艾倫
10:46:07 相知相守 南方二重唱
10:50:43 我不會在老地方等你 莊心妍
10:54:52 飯隨愛人 邱鋒澤
Total time is 60:00
11:04:04 Kings & Queens, Pt. 2 Ava Max/Lauv, Saweetie
11:06:55 渴望幸福的人 廖文強
11:11:45 想你想你 王心凌
11:16:22 不通將阮放(台) 孫淑媚
11:20:31 你的姑娘 隔壁老樊
11:24:33 好想對你說 何潤東/張娜拉
11:32:31 Mini Radio 慎惠仁
11:36:30 SWAG午覺 異鄉人/9m88
11:41:38 在我眼裡的她 曾昱嘉
11:44:46 Am I Forgiven Rumer 露茉
11:50:58 正想著你呢 (Live Ver) 持修
11:54:22 小小幸福 張玉華
Total time is 60:01

1/4 (一)
09:03:31 為自己喝彩 Suming 舒米恩
09:07:55 為啥物我會遐邇愛你(台) 張三李四/曹雅雯
09:10:42 Missing You G-DRAGON
09:15:19 聽媽媽的話 周杰倫
09:19:40 翅膀 張語噥/婁峻碩
09:23:44 Night Fever Bee Gees
09:30:25 Yes I do Supper Moment
09:41:48 不散的筵席 丁世光
09:46:43 Money Changes Everything Cyndi Lauper
09:54:45 你是最美的 王語昕
09:56:45 全部都給你 吳克群
Total time is 60:00
10:04:04 70億分之一 黃鴻升
10:09:26 Somebody 派偉俊
10:12:09 Blossom綻放 濱崎步
10:17:47 繼續美麗(粵) 劉德華
10:21:46 瞬間 鄧紫棋
10:25:49 Don't Start Now Dua Lipa
10:32:54 時光機器 方泂鑌
10:40:46 The Days Avicii/Robbie Williams
10:45:17 有你我就不孤單 C.T.O/羅志祥, 愷樂
10:52:14 不好意思我愛你 容祖兒
10:56:14 今晚我是你的DJ [Jazz版] 鄺美雲
Total time is 60:00
11:04:13 醉城傷 嚴藝丹
11:08:09 捨不得把眼睛睜開 費玉清
11:12:10 Talk Coldplay 酷玩樂團
11:20:24 最大的缺點 吳思賢
11:24:27 獻給妳的歌 小池徹平
11:33:33 四月男孩 劉軒蓁
11:37:55 太好了 曾昱嘉
11:41:21 多難得 解偉苓
11:48:46 Lose You To Love Me Selena Gomez
11:52:07 夫妻臉 游鴻明/彭佳慧
Total time is 60:01

电视剧《爱的迫降》中太多好听的歌了，
而这首是最最喜欢的一首，所以就选来cover啦～
第一次用拼音唱韩语cover初体验，英语意思如下～

I remember the melody of the song
That we sang together as we sat across each other

In my softly closed eyes
I’m placing images of you
Alone in this place where we walked together
I’m calling out your name

Even during cold winters, even during dark nights
Because we were together, I was able to smile
In the spring that you gave to me
We prayed for eternity

Like a small photo that comes into my eyes
You still remain

Your face, your breath
All the moments you blossomed before me
Like the small photo that I can’t erase
It’s forever in my heart, forever

Do you know? Because of you
I live today
Don’t be lonely, don’t be hurt again
Live in my heart like this

I remember the melody of the song
That we sang together as we sat across each other...

#爱的迫降ost
#PhotoOfMyMind
#CrashlandingOnYou