【我親愛的Zoom視訊客人們】
To My Dear Zoom Clients

我忍了真的⋯⋯真的⋯⋯很久，今天過後實在忍無可忍，一定要叮嚀所有過去和未來的客人們。

我年紀很大了，受不了太大的刺激。

拜託，你們可以Zoom好來嗎？😓😑

一、Zoom視訊的視角 = 拍護照照的視角

護照自2020年起就已成為古董，但大家這一生應該有拍過證件照吧！

對了，就是要頭髮整齊，讓我看到你的雙耳、雙眼、鼻子、嘴巴、頸項和肩膀，到胸部。

我批八字時，需要看整個面相。不要讓你一半的臉掉出鏡頭外，這樣很像鍾無艷，也不要嘴巴不見掉，這樣我很像在跟一條羅漢魚視訊。

我看面相包括看你的嘴巴、牙齒和說話時的嘴形。是的，看相就是需要那麼仔細。

如果你的螢幕太低，那就找書本或舊報紙，把螢幕墊高一點。別讓我整一個小時半只看到你的雙下巴，會把你的面相比例給看錯。

不要一直告訴我不好意思，方法是人想出來的。

•

二、光線

太暗，我看你如見鬼。
太亮，我會看不清你的膚色。
拉開窗簾，不要背向陽光。
有必要的話，就直接開燈！

•

三、勿放什麼椰樹沙灘/金門大橋的虛擬背景圖

什麼虛擬背景圖都不要放啦～

我的家美最重要，我不在乎你的家美不美，我只是來看命的。

如果你的Wi-Fi不是很強，電腦功能不是很厲害，這類的虛擬背景圖會讓你的視訊畫面卡卡的。

有時你轉個身，整個右邊不見了，或部份的頭髮少了，讓我覺得我好像在看恐怖片，嚇人啊～

•

四、環境和聲音

有些海外客人其實非常用心。為了與我視訊，特別去買有麥克風的耳機🎧，讓我能更清楚的聽到他們的聲音。😍

沒有使用耳機和麥克風的客人，往往他們的聲音會有種空氣般的回音，如果他們本身講話又小聲，我的耳機聲量開滿，我還是聽得滿辛苦的

也有香港和馬來西亞客人租過會議室、鐘點房間或單人工作室，就是為了不受家人的干擾，能安心的與我視訊。😍

最有趣的是，去年新加坡阻斷措施時，有位男客人跑到屋外的走廊坐在地上與我視訊。只是外頭風聲有點大，我好幾次都聽不清楚他的聲音。

曾有客人在咖啡廳與我視訊。咖啡廳裡的高談闊論聲和器皿的敲擊聲，頻頻從我的耳機闖進我的耳朵，哇～我的耳朵那時真的是活受罪，還要裝一副氣定神閒的樣子。

天啊，兩次過後，我寧願退錢，也不再見這樣的客人了。耳朵只有一對，我要保護好啊！

在這裡聲明：一般我們買手機時的那種有麥克風的耳機，就已能視訊。沒有戴耳機和麥克風的客人，我一概會拒絕諮詢，把費用原銀奉還。

五、孩子

曾試過諮詢的前20分鐘，一直被女客人的小孩打擾，進來哭著要媽媽主持公道。

如果你家中有六歲以下的兒童，會時不時來敲你的門，我建議你還是先別約我。你這樣會分心，無法聽好我交代的事，而我也得一直等你去安撫你的孩子，就無法在限定時間內看完你的八字，這樣對誰都不公平。

六、我只見客人一人

這個規矩，從我一出道就定下來，也清楚的寫在網站上，根本不用一而再的來試探水溫。

但這兩個星期，還是有客人硬闖關，事先安排自己的配偶/孩子坐在電腦的另一面，要他們聽我講他的八字。

我從不改我的規矩，也沒有八字或風水是我非看不可的。

讀書這麼高，連自己的命都不能自己負責，這已經不是能改到命的人了。

你一定要你的配偶陪你聽，那你需要的不是我來教你改命，是你的配偶來安你的心。

將來若還有這樣的事，我會直接中斷視訊，把錢退回去。

七、「我第一次用Zoom！」

可是從報名那天到今天的諮詢，你有兩個月的時間去摸索。

兩個月，怎麼還是錯誤百出？因為客人根本沒有事先準備和練習。

結果我就這樣等了20分鐘，還得等對方下載軟件。

Zoom不難使用，但如果是你沒有花時間去摸索，就不要撒謊，直接說，我就直接退現錢。

品德是改命的資糧，不要為了自己能脫身就隨便編一個漏洞百出的謊，還說自己是好人。這...不會臉皮太厚了嗎？

小事都不願做好，絕對不會成大器。

八、暈車

有些客人用Ipad或手機來視訊。

重點是，他一支手拿著手機，一支手拿筆寫筆記。他一邊寫，另一支手就一邊搖晃。他做在床上，移動一下，手機就彷彿大海嘯幾下🌊

我一天如果見三個這樣客人，我的視線就搖晃了5個小時。工作完畢後，頭也會痛得厲害，無法完成晚上製片的工作。

沒有自拍器三腳架，也應該有些書本或東西來頂著手機。

各位，多點善心，為我著想一下吧⋯⋯

__________________________

To My Dear Zoom Clients

I have been enduring it for a really really long time. That's it! I am gonna put a stop to this after today and send out this reminder to all my past and future clients.

I am getting on in years, and cannot stand too much stimulation.

Please.... can you guys do a proper Zoom?

Number 1: Going on screen in Zoom = Taking a photograph for your passport.

Since 2020, the passport has become something of an antique but I believe everyone has taken some kind of ID photos! Yes, the ones with your neatly combed trusses where I can see both your ears, nose, mouth, neck, shoulder all the way to your chest.

I would like to see your full face during the Bazi Consultation. Please don't allow half your face to fall off the screen and you end up looking like Zhong Wu Yan! Please also don't hide your mouth making me feel like I am talking to a Arrowana.

When I analyze your facial features, it includes your mouth, teeth and the shape of your mouth while you are talking. Yes, it is down to such level of details.

If your PC / Laptop monitor is too low, please find a book or old newspapers and stack it on top. Please don't let me only see your double chin for that 1.5 hours, as I would probably get the proportion of your face wrong.

Don't keep telling me you are apologetic. Think of a way out.

Number 2: The background lighting.

Too dark, you risk looking like a ghost.

Too bright, I cannot figure out your skin color.

Draw open the curtains, but don't face your back to the sunlight.

If necessary, just turn on the lights!

Number 3: Background images of coconut trees on sandy beaches or the Golden Gate Bridge.

There is no need to put on a virtual background. I only care about how my hone looks, I am not bothered by yours. I am only here to see your Bazi.

If your WIFI signal or your PC / Laptop performance is poor, using the virtual background can often make your Zoom video choppy. Sometimes when you turn your body, one side of your body or some part of your hair will disappear. It's really like one of those spooky movies scaring the wits out of me.

•

Number 4: Background environment and noise.

Some of my overseas clients really put in effort for our Zoom sessions. They bought a headset with a mic so that I can hear them properly and vice versa.

Those that did not use a earphone or a headset often sounded echo-ish, and if they spoke softly, I would have to turn on the volume on my side full throttle and still have a hard time trying to hear them.

There are some clients from Hong Kong and Malaysia who would rent meeting rooms, hotel rooms or private work spaces by the hour so as to reduce any disturbance from others and better focus on the Zoom session with me.

I recalled an interesting incident during the Circuit Breaker last year. A client from Singapore Zoom-ed with me along the corridor outside his house. Most of the time, I was hearing the howling of the winds rather than his voice.

Some clients sat themselves in coffee places for our session. These places are often filled with loud chatters and the clanging of cups and plates, and my ears suffered terribly. Yet, I have to continue to be seen as composed and attentive.

Goodness me, after 2 of such experiences, I decided that I rather refund these clients and never see them again. I have only 1 pair of ears and I want to protect them at all costs!

A normal earpiece that comes with the purchase of a handphone is good enough for Zoom video calls. For clients who do not have a earpiece/headset and a mic, I would end the consultation and refund the monies.

•

Number 5: Children

There was once where a session with a female client was repeatedly disrupted by her kids, running in crying for their mother to settle their quarrels. If you have children below 6 years of age, and likely to interrupt our session, I suggest you don't book a consultation with me.

You will be distracted, unable to focus on my advice and I have to wait for you to clear up the situation with your children, eating into the allowable time for me to complete the consultation. This is unfair to both you and me.

•

Number 6: I only meet one person, that is the Client.

I have set this requirement the day I stepped into this line of work, and it is clearly written in my booking form. There is no need to try your luck under any circumstances.

But in the space of 2 weeks, there were some clients who rode their luck and got their spouse / child to sit on the other side of the screen to listen in on our consultation.

I never change my stance, and there is no single client that I cannot afford to lose.

If you insist to have your spouse sit in, it is apparent that you do not need me to help transform your destiny. Rather you really need your spouse to put your heart at ease.

If such things happen the next time, I will end the session immediately and refund the fees.

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Number 7: "My first time using Zoom"

But you have 2 full months to prepare before our actual consultation. You did not end up wasting time exploring the software and I wasted 20 mins waiting for you to download the software.

Zoom is an easy software to use but if you did not spend the time to familiarize yourself with it, please quit the lies and tell me directly. I will refund the consultation fees on the spot.

Our moral ethics serve as the foundation for our transformation. Stop weaving web of lies to get out of sticky situations, and still claim that you are a good person. Isn't this too thick-skinned?

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Number 8: Giddy spells

Some clients use Ipad or their handphones for the Zoom session. Crucially, they hold the device with one hand, and take notes with the other. As they write, the other hand holding the phone becomes shaky. If he is doing that on his bed, his handphone would shake like a tsunami wave every time he changes his position.

If I see 3 such clients within a day, it would be 5 hours of shaking visuals for me. That would mean a splitting headache at the end of my work day, and not being able to work on my videos at night.

Even if you don't have a tripod stand, at least prop up the device with a book or something.

Please everyone, please be kind and have mercy on me......

「伊太屋簷下…新派意與日的藝術結晶品。」
根本當你由懂事果刻開始，你會發現現今社會
都係套用緊黃子華既魚蛋論，正所謂睇人仆街
最開心，香港人既娛樂就係建築係一班日常
生活比自己慘既人身上。又或者我得唔到，
你都唔洗旨意得到，但我知道總有一班人
仍然默默傳播愛既力量，講緊就係呢間「Ita ·
Meshi」，今次二訪目標只有一個…好好滿足
我既心靈健康呀！
-
📌Large · Plates -
▪ Grilled Surf · Turf Treasure - $828
▫ 上次就試左好多唔同特色既à la carte，二訪
黎得一定要試下新野。佢地以驚喜價推出夠哂
震撼既「香燒海陸空·驚喜寶盒」。一黎到見到
Staff用火槍將旁邊既煙草點著，陣陣煙霧令
成個盒都充滿住仙氣，滿足視覺上享受。
而裡面其實係個「日式香燒·海鮮拼盤」，
分別有原隻波士頓龍蝦、烤海鮮味鮑魚、黃金
焗生蠔、北海道帶子、吉列炸蝦、新鮮車厘茄、
燒栗米、燒BB青椒仔。首先賣相已經贏哂，
而食落龍蝦分成兩邊，而且烤得岩岩好，肉質
爽彈厚肉，蝦膏肥美鮮甜；而北海道帶子面頭
鋪滿黑魚籽，一啖過鹹鮮味相當突出；鮑魚
亦夠煙韌，夠哂新鮮，無我想像中咁腥同埋
難咬，唔錯；另外仲有忌廉黃金蝦、烤腹肉
牛排，牛排唔會有筋，入口牛味濃郁，
肉質爽彈，好食；整體呢個寶盒絕對抵食！
-
📌Get · Started · Cold -
▪ Salted Egg · Soft Shell Crabs - $138
▫ 有時惡魔總會在你身邊，呢個「黃金邪惡
軟殼蟹·香燒焦糖蘋果」完全將我帶到最邪惡
境界，厚厚既軟殼蟹被豐富既鹹蛋黃碎覆蓋住。
而軟殼蟹一咬落相當鬆脆；加上旁邊既焦糖
蘋果，令成個油膩感瞬間消失，兩者配合得宜。
-
📌D o l c e -
▪ M a t c h a m i s u - $68
▫ 上次無試到佢地既招牌甜品「抹茶·提拉米蘇」，
今次補返數。最出色要讚既係除左佢地用日式
小木箱裝住，打卡一流之外；食落抹茶味係
相當濃郁，而且忌廉夠哂厚滑，份量十足，
咖啡味同時唔會被蓋過，認真好食，
果然要成為招牌唔係無道理。
-
▪ B e r r y l i n i - $65
▫ 色彩繽紛既「脆軟雜莓·忌廉芭菲」，忌廉當中
夾雜住雜莓，入口酸酸甜甜，清新得黎又開胃，
絕對係女仕們既最愛！
-
📌Classic · Cocktail -
▪ Old · Time Sake - $105
▫ 男人老狗唔係唔飲得呀，唔飲返兩三杯cocktail
你都唔好意思啦，不過要飲就飲最經典傳統既。
呢杯「Old Time Sake」就岩哂我。店主先用
America Whiskey再混合Umeshu同埋Bitters，
充分表現出日本梅酒既濃香，嗯…我真的醉了。
-
📎 伊 太 屋
📍天 后 琉 璃 街 4 號 地 舖

#EZTALK #你不知道的美國大小事

🍽Tableware: Plates
🇺🇸美國生活諺語再開👉料理工具篇之「盤 plate」篇

在聊了這麼多跟 food 有關的生活用語之後，我們換個口味，來看看跟裝食物的容器：盤子plate有關的Idiom吧🤔

1⃣ have a lot of things on your plate
2⃣ have one’s plate full / have a full plate
3⃣ has/keeps (an amount of/all the) plates spinning
4⃣ blue plate special
5⃣ clean one’s plate

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We’ve talked a lot about food, but what about the tableware we put it on (and in)? Are there idioms in English that make use of plates, bowls and cups? Of course there are!
我們之前已經聊夠了跟食物有關的諺語，那麼，放食物的碗盤跟杯子，是否也有諺語呢？當然有囉！

Let’s start off with plates. If you have a lot of food on your plate, it’s going to take a long time to finish, right? In fact, you may not even be able to finish it at all. So if you say you 1⃣ have a lot of things on your plate, it means you have a lot of things to deal with, or a lot of work to do. Ex: I’d like to help you out, but I have a lot on my plate right now. The same meaning can be expressed with 2⃣“have one’s plate full” or “have a full plate.” Ex: I have a full plate today, but I should have free time on Friday.
我們這禮拜先介紹盤子（plate）。如果你的盤中盛了一大堆食物，表示你得花很多時間吃完，是吧？你甚至根本吃不完。所以，如果你說 have a lot of things on the plate，就是表達「手頭上有很多事情要處理、完成」。如：I’d like to help you out, but I have a lot on my plate right now.（我很想幫你，但我現在手上有很多事要忙。）片語have one’s plate full或have a full plate也是表達相同意思，如：I have a full plate today, but I should have free time on Friday.（我今天超忙的，但我週五應該有空。）

Have you ever seen a circus act where a performer spins a number of plates on top of wooden poles? It looks challenging, doesn’t it? So if you say 3⃣ somebody has/keeps (an amount of/all the) plates spinning, it means they’re dealing with a number of different things at once. Ex: I don’t know how working mothers manage to keep so many plates spinning.
你曾經看過雜耍團有人用木棍頂著一堆盤子旋轉嗎？看起來很難吧？所以，如果你說某人has/keeps (an amount of/all the) plate spinning，就是說他們正在處理一堆棘手、難以處理的事情。如：I don’t know how working mothers manage to keep so many plates spinning.（我不知道全職媽媽怎麼能處理這麼多麻煩事。）

But some plate-related idioms are actually about food. If you go to a diner or cafe in the U.S. or Canada, you may see a 4⃣“blue plate special” item on the menu. This refers to a low-priced meal that usually changes daily. But why is it called a blue plate special? Is it served on a blue plate? In the 1920s and ’30s, it actually was served on a blue plate, which is where the name comes from. But these days the plate is more likely to be white. Ex: The diner across the street has a good blue plate special.
不過，有些跟碗相關的諺語倒是真的跟食物有關。如果你去到美國或加拿大的餐廳或簡餐店，你或許會在菜單上看到「藍盤特餐」。這指的是每天會換的低價餐點。但為什麼要叫這個名稱呢？事實上，在二零到三零年代時期，當時餐點事實上是用藍色盤子裝的，所以才有這名稱的由來。不過最近供餐的盤子都已經換成白色的了。如：The diner across the street has a good blue plate special.（對街餐廳供應的便宜特餐很好吃。）

And finally, let’s talk about cleaning your plate. If you think this is about washing the dishes, you’re wrong. 5⃣ To clean one’s plate means to eat all of the food on it. Ex: The dinner Mom made was so good that we all cleaned our plates.
最後來聊聊洗盤子（clean your plate）這件事。如果你以為我們真的是要聊洗碗，那你就錯了。clean one’s plate事實上是「把所有東西吃光」的意思。如：The dinner Mom made was so good that we all cleaned our plates.（老媽煮的晚餐太好吃了，大家都吃到碗底朝天。）
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🔔 按下「搶先看」，每週五【美國大小事】，由 Judd 編審分享最即時美國新鮮事！想知道更多美國文化，請看 👉 http://bit.ly/EZTalk嚴選

懶人快速涼拌菜- 醬油泡蛋、皮蛋豆腐、涼拌毛豆、涼拌黃瓜
Quick, easy, cool Taiwanese style small plates (English recipes in reels)


大家最近過得還好嗎？天氣悶熱宅在家有時候總是會心浮氣躁，今天我來分享四道快速、簡單又零油煙的涼拌菜，很適合現在悶熱的天氣。


🍳ㄧ. 醬油泡蛋 soy-marinated soft boiled egg
我的醬油泡蛋原型是現在很紅的韓式麻藥雞蛋마약계란, 基本上是大同小異，但因為我自己改過比例，就不好意思自稱是韓式。

這道雞蛋的基本作法很容易，有點像是浸泡版的滷蛋。只要煮個溏心蛋、再調製一個醬汁泡著就完成了。吃起來鹹鹹甜甜配上半熟蛋黃非常下飯，是我的便當常備菜。（如果有食安疑慮，煮成全熟蛋也很好吃喔！）

材料：

- 雞蛋 2-3顆
- 醬油 4T
- 味淋 1T (我都把味淋當糖用，比起固體砂糖更快給醬汁融合。我使用工研味淋，其他- 品牌使用前可以試吃看看是不是很甜）
- 麻油 0.5T
- 清水 100ml
- 蒜末, 蔥花, 辣椒, 白芝麻 

作法：

1.水滾之後下雞蛋（用湯匙輕輕放進水裡，用丟的蛋殼可能會破喔），計時6分鐘
（想做溏心蛋就請務必計時，如果想煮全熟則煮10分鐘）
2.準備一碗冰水，等時間一到就立刻把但撈出來泡冰水
3.製作醬汁：把所有材料攪在一起
4.小心剝除蛋殼（糖心蛋中間還是軟的，小心不要把蛋弄破）
5.浸泡到醬汁裡，冷藏隔夜 （醬汁盡量泡到整顆蛋，沒泡到的話就記得過一陣子去幫她們翻面）

補充：
-泡過蛋的醬汁可以重複使用再多泡幾顆
-除了泡蛋，也可以拿來醃鮭魚、雞肉、牛肉、拌飯拌麵
-煮過蛋的水我會放涼之後拿去澆花


🌱二. 皮蛋豆腐tofu with century egg
皮蛋豆腐是我在家工作懶得煮時很常吃的東西，我喜歡攪爛之後夾土司（有點獵奇但真的很好吃啦）。皮蛋豆腐的好處除了快速完成，還高蛋白質兼低卡低脂。雖然不是一個方便的便當菜（容易碎裂出水），但現在在家工作就不用擔心這些。


材料：

- 皮蛋 1顆
- 嫩豆腐 1盒
- 醬油膏＋醬油 共3T (我使用大同蔭油膏、金蘭醬油膏、萬家香壺底油各一匙）
- 味淋 0.5T (我都把味淋當糖用，比起固體砂糖更快給醬汁融合。我使用工研味淋，其他品牌使用前可以試吃看看是不是很甜）
- 清水 1-2t
- 蒜末 0.5T
- 蔥花, 辣椒, 柴魚片 

作法：

1.首先製作醬汁，把大蒜、醬油膏、醬油、味淋、清水混合（建議做好之後靜置一下，讓蒜味更融進去）
2.豆腐上面擺上皮蛋
3.上桌前淋上醬汁，灑蔥花跟柴魚片

補充：
-拌飯也很好吃


🪴三. 涼拌毛豆 TW style edamame salad
在台灣的時候我更喜歡帶殼毛豆，但用去殼毛豆做也不錯，也更適合帶便當。個人認為臺式涼拌毛豆的精髓是黑胡椒跟大蒜，單吃、配酒、當下午高蛋白質點心都很適合。


材料：

- 冷凍毛豆 約250g
- 鹽 0.5-1t (先放少一點，再慢慢加避免過鹹）
- 糖 0.5t
- 大蒜末 1T
- 辣椒 隨意
- 香油 少許
- 黑胡椒 很多

作法：

1.水滾之後下毛豆，計時2分鐘 (小心煮過頭，毛豆口感會太軟）
2.毛豆撈出瀝乾（務必瀝乾），稍微冷卻
3.加入所有調味料，混合均勻，冷藏隔夜 

補充：
-涼拌毛豆靜置過後會更入味好吃，勿省略靜置這段
-煮過毛豆的水留下來可以燙別的青菜，或是拿來煮飯澆花


🥒四.涼拌小黃瓜 TW style cucumber salad 
我的涼拌小黃瓜加入白胡椒，讓他帶點鹽水雞風味。不喜歡也可以省略。使用同一套公式可以涼拌各式各樣的蔬菜，例如芹菜、紅蘿蔔、蓮藕、玉米筍等等，也可以加上辣椒油就變成麻辣口味。

材料：

-小黃瓜拍成段 250-300g （如果你用的是歐洲那種大型黃瓜，我會去籽）
- 鹽 1t 
- 糖 1T
- 大蒜末 0.5Ｔ
- 白醋 1T
- 香油 少許 （一點點就好）
- 辣椒 隨意
- 白胡椒 隨意

作法：

1.黃瓜撒上鹽，搓揉均勻，靜置10分鐘讓他出水
2.擠乾黃瓜，把黃瓜水倒掉 （勿省略這步驟，不然會有苦澀味）（除非你覺得吃起來沒差）
3.加入其他所有材料，仔細搓揉均勻，冷藏隔夜


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