CW/TW: abuse, emotional violence, gaslighting, cheating. Let me start by saying I am okay now. I ended the relationship in December and have blocked this person from my life and have had no contact whatsoever in the last three months. I may be putting myself in danger by posting this, but I feel it needs to be said. I’ve only recently started unpacking some of the compartmentalized trauma and letting myself feel the rage, the despair, the hurt, and the terrible sadness I ignored to protect myself. Some of my close friends knew parts of it, and they all expressed concern to me at some point, but there really was nothing anyone else could do for me when I was stuck in that place. I was mocked and criticized constantly. For my art, my eating habits, my appearance, my social media, my friends, my beliefs, my joy. I was monitored and scrutinized and belittled on such a scale that I gave up photography and posting for months (some of you may remember that). I almost quit music. He would constantly get into arguments with me when he drank, get furious with me for calling out his drinking, dump me, block me, and then take me back the next day as if nothing happened. When I caught him cheating, he lied and used all sorts of reasons to cover up the truth, so drastic and devastating that I felt like a horrible person for pushing any further in my questioning. Once I was threatened with a libel lawsuit that then all but silenced me from confiding in my friends. On a separate occasion, he used my thumb to unlock and comb through my phone while I was sleeping in a hospital bed due to appendicitis. Bit by bit, I was isolated from my support system, stripped of my confidence, devoid of self worth, and my sense of reality was so distorted that he convinced me I was of equal fault for what he did to me. Was I perfect? No, but that gave him no right to do any of this. I’m not saying this to attack him or to ask for pity. I am saying this because i want to declare that I survived. And if you are someone who has been thinking about leaving a toxic relationship but don’t know if you should, I’m telling you: do it. Nothing justifies abuse. You’ll be much happier.

33. In my 20s, I cared a lot about what people thought of me which resulted in me being very self conscious in the way I presented myself. It also didn’t help that I was in an industry where I was constantly judged and scrutinized. Now that I’m in my 30s, I care a lot less. It could be a result of growing up or being a mom (cos I really don’t have the time and sometimes the energy to give a damn haha) but yeah, I do feel like I’ve a stronger sense of self. Especially in these recent years, when stinkin’ covid changed the way we live and forced us to place more importance on our health and wellness; to reflect and constantly check in. I’ve learned that I can be very emotional, I tend to avoid difficult conversations and I’m really into vibes, energy and manifestation. I am a work in progress. I am trying to better myself everyday, fighting my inner demons, insecurities and fears. I’m comforted knowing that I’ve a roof over my head, food on the table and most importantly, I am surrounded by people who love and accept me for who I am or am becoming. Last year, I wished for a vaccine so you’re welcome! Haha. But in all seriousness, with everything that’s going on in the world right now, I can only wish for peace, kindness and compassion. And the realization that despite all of our differences, at the core of it all, we’re all human beings ♥️ #megetsreal

It still baffles me that it’s merely 6-8 months ago since I took it upon myself to kickstart my cleaner diet + disciplined and well-scrutinized personal training 😬 ...and what a difference that makes! 6-7KGs to be exact 😌 The Before photo (left) was taken in March 2020, and the After shot (right) was taken just yesterday! With this change, I feel healthier (improved digestion!), lighter, less water retention (edema 水肿), happier and more confident! Yes, I fill out my clothes differently now, but I am in no way indicating that we don’t celebrate our body shapes and curves in any form. Always, always love and be kind to your body, no matter what phase it’s at 😉 I’m still a work in progress, but this is a milestone worth celebrating! Yay me 😬🤗 #andreakeehypothyroidism #hypothyroid #hypothyroidism #hypothyroidismweightloss #hypothyroidie