「停！他到底在講什麼？」

以下不是要論戰疫情處置，而是人和人之間衝突的產生可以如何化解。如果想要回應，請不要講疫情的處理對錯，就算很想講，也要忍耐勒住舌頭。

和研究團隊開會時，有一位同仁在閒聊時說，陳時中當初應該要如何如何，否則就不會這麼嚴重，以前他在讀書時可能是因為他是牙醫，沒修某某學或沒有學好所以輕忽了。

我很不高興的說：「人家對一萬次，就這次有疑慮就被往死裡罵，以後還有誰要為國奉獻？」

同仁說：「我沒有說他怎樣啊，我的重點在說這種狀況就要如何如何處理，你為什麼要一直講我在講陳時中呢？如果不檢討，大家是要怎麼進步？」

我心裡繼續火大：「明明就有！你一直在講陳時中，還說他沒把書讀好，說他是牙醫。」

三天後開會，同仁再重述一次陳時中當初應該要如何如何，否則就不會這麼嚴重，以前他在讀書時可能是因為他是牙醫，沒修某某學或沒有學好所以輕忽了，我簡直是想要拍桌離席了。

但是想到正念認知療法講到的「正念傾聽」，我於是停一下，呼吸，問自己的前額葉：我的同仁真正要講的是什麼？是要罵陳時中，還是要講疫情該如何處理？我的前額葉回答：他已經述明他只是要講疫情應該如何處理，而且的確要討論才會進步，那我就針對如何處理和他討論，不要再去吵他為什麼要批評我們辛苦的阿中。

就像情侶吵架，女生說「你每次都忘記我的生日」，男生說「哪有每次」，重點理應在討論當下忘記生日不舒服的事，如果著重在處理「每次」，那就模糊焦點了。

會後我反省為什麼我會這麼暴怒。或許是身為母親吧？從孩子出生，我就得從早到晚做一千個決定，怎麼吃才會健康，怎麼做才會有利於身心發展，但只要孩子出了一個問題，就被千夫所指地說，妳看看，妳看看，都是妳做了什麼，沒做什麼，妳的孩子才會這樣。因此，對於指名道姓出征為大家承擔的人，我超級沒辦法接受的。

然而我也曾經站在我同仁的位置，被朋友絕交。那次的狀況是，我的朋友跟我說，他的師父可以幫信眾承擔所有的業，渡大家成佛，想要介紹我入門。

我婉拒他：「這樣講不合理啊，如果一個小孩打傷了人，他爸爸幫他頂罪，或是出面幫他和解，那個小孩學到什麼了？對於師父可以幫信眾承擔所有的業，渡大家成佛的說法，我是不相信的。」

我的朋友大怒說，我不想入門就算了，為什麼要污衊他的師父？我不斷的解釋我是針對這個說法，不是他師父，我的朋友對我怒吼，妳明明就有！

我事後反省，下一次要怎麼說才不會傷到人，後來發現，還是諮商技巧裡「不帶評價的探問」是最可以避免這種傷到人的狀況。

我可以說：「我很好奇，如果一個小孩打傷了人，已經由他爸爸幫頂罪，或是出面幫他和解，這個小孩是透過怎樣的歷程變成一個負責任的人？」

這樣的說法不帶評價，單純提出問題，邀請答案而已，即使對方不舒服，不舒服的程度也相對小一些。

回到我對我同仁不爽的這個例子。我同仁可以問：「我很好奇當初他為什麼不採取某某作法」，去掉陳時中可能沒有修某某學或是沒學好，或是說陳時中輕忽了。

這種探問、對事不對人的說法，可以營造一種討論的氣氛，也不會因為戲謔而刺到他人。

當然，我們沒辦法改別人，只能改自己。

碰到別人刺到我們時，我們可以停一下，呼吸，以正念傾聽的方式問自己：他這段話主要的目的是什麼？濾掉情緒性的部分，就事論事的進行討論與解決。

被激到了，沒關係，走開就好了。說你要上廁所。

事過境遷，行有餘力時可以反思一下，為什麼我會被刺到？我有沒有什麼議題要解決？

至於我們對他人的作法不解時，試著使用不帶評價的探問去了解事情的脈絡，讓重點放在事情而不是人。

好難！是吧？剛開始有點難，我大概從念大學時學了「諮商理論與技術」這門課以後就開始練，練了幾十年，時時反思，時時修正，雖仍然無法十全十美，基本上已經是反射動作不太費力了。

p.s.請放心，以上都是別人的例子，我不會得罪我同事和朋友。我寫文章時都會三、四件事寫在一起，置換主詞，置換事件面貌，才不會讓可能的當事人看到以後不舒服。否則，作家早就沒朋友了。

～郭葉珍的《和自己，相愛不相礙》～

博客來 https://tinyurl.com/y723qf8r
三采 https://tinyurl.com/yc4h6mm5
誠品 https://bit.ly/2KcE4CO
讀冊 https://bit.ly/2WjC9ip
MOMO https://bit.ly/3mhXvHy

電子書
Google Play: https://tinyurl.com/yb5gehfa
Readmoo: https://tinyurl.com/y9zlse28
角川: https://tinyurl.com/y7x6tr7o
KOBO: https://tinyurl.com/yaw27pby
博客來: https://tinyurl.com/ya78zwyc
Pubu: https://tinyurl.com/ybzzvo4q
MyBook: https://tinyurl.com/ya2yx4lu
HYREAD: https://tinyurl.com/y9c43vds
Amazon: https://tinyurl.com/yd8mdzsz

～郭葉珍的《我們，相伴不相絆》～博客來2020年親子教養排行榜第六名

博客來：https://reurl.cc/NjZWge (含電子書）

【解開人生謎題的寶書】(English writing below)

「師姐，簽書號已經發完了耶！」

地點：台灣雷藏寺的大燈文化攤位。

我一手抓著根本上師聖尊蓮生活佛的新書《我所知道的佛陀：如是我聞》，一手拿著錢要付款。

「沒關係，師兄，沒有師尊的簽名，我還是想買這本書。」我微笑著回答，感謝他的熱心提醒。

我喜歡紙本書。家裡整堵牆的書架，都是師尊的書。

我甚少在雷藏寺買師尊的書。一般來說，師尊推出新書時，我都會在新加坡的紀伊國屋書店購買，希望藉此能推廣師尊的文集在寺廟以外的地方。用錢買書，也是我出點微薄之力，代表我對作者付出的支持。

有師尊簽書固然是錦上添花，但能不能開悟，還是需要自己的努力。

初聽師尊宣布這書名《我所知道的佛陀：如是我聞》時，我頓時倍感親切。

每個人信佛的起點都不一樣。有的人是因爲篤信觀世音菩薩，而皈依佛門，我則是因爲「南無本師釋迦牟尼佛」。

在大學佛學會時，我常去本地的一間斯里蘭卡佛寺參拜佛陀，繞菩提樹。好幾年的時間，我在那兒，向佛陀述說了很多、很多我的苦楚，我的煩惱，有時候邊說，邊繞菩提樹，繞了無數圈，就連第一次失戀，也在臥佛前哭了兩個小時。

那時，我不明白為什麼人家做人，我也做人，但我無論怎麼努力，卻特別的苦。我一直求佛陀告訴我：我爲什麼要活著？我爲什麼要來到人間？我要怎麼改命？

當然，在壇城上的佛陀怎麼會開口跟這「怨女」說話呢？

我把打工的錢存起來，買一尊佛像，拿去開光，安在書房內。後來媽媽因爲某事生我氣，趁我不在時，把佛像仍掉。我畢業就職後，又請了一尊。傻傻的我以為那兩尊都是釋迦牟尼佛，其實祂們都是「大日如來」。

我想，這應該是我五年後皈依師尊的因緣之一。

.

2013年，西雅圖雷藏寺開創一個新聞單元《如是我聞》，報導師尊的日常法教。小女子我自告奮勇拉著我師兄一起爲官網，把幾篇《如是我聞》翻譯成英文，回饋師尊的無私奉獻與教導。

從台灣飛回新加坡的航班上，我閱讀了師尊新書《我所知道的佛陀：如是我聞》兩個小時。

我忽然恍然大悟，十九年前，常跑到釋迦牟尼佛跟前訴苦的那個少女，原來佛陀真的聽到了她的哀求，沒有讓它落空。

理科班的我，從小就對這世界很好奇。家裡的百科全書，十年來，我從頭到尾都讀了至少百遍，但總覺得人要懂的知識，不該只有這些。

皈依師尊前，我曾讀過、聽過很多有名出家人的法語開示，無論是講中文或英文的。他們都講得很好，但是，唯有蓮生活佛的開示和文集，徹底的解除我自幼對於人生和宇宙的迷惑。

尤其是這本書。

原來在科學之外，還有這樣一個空間、一種能量和宇宙能力場存在著。

皈依學佛，就是學佛陀的教義，目的就是要成佛。

可怎樣的佛弟子，才是釋迦牟尼佛認可的弟子？

我們人要如何離苦得樂？如何去馴服自己狂野的心？如何從凡夫身回歸本來的面目？什麼又是原本的自己？

那天，師父問一位少女：「妳想學佛，那妳知道佛教教主是誰嗎？」

她已閱讀完師父在臉書2013年至2019年的文章，卻一個字都說不出。

切勿把佛法當成普通的人間知識來看待，更不要以學佛爲名，利用其知識賺錢做生意爲實。販賣如來，可是下地獄吞熾熱鐵丸、喝滾燙鐵汁之罪啊！

.

我去台灣前，師父交代過要我到台北101拍照，於是我就抱著師尊的書去。

玳瑚師父教過，台北101是現代版的文昌塔。

古時候，文昌已甚被重視，因爲利於讀書、功名和事業。在沒有某種形式的山脈時，就會建文昌塔（又稱文峰塔）來催旺文人輩出。

古代有文昌塔，現代有台北101。

古代有佛陀初傳四聖諦，現代有蓮生法王繼續的轉法輪。

而人呢？從古至今，仍然在醉生夢死中。

一般人要文昌，因爲追求功名。但我對人間的智慧，已意興闌珊。我要文昌，因爲希望早日開竅，拜託，不要那麽笨 ～～

無論你是剛接觸佛法，還是皈依許久的老弟子，如果你和我一樣追求生命的實相，這本書裡的般若智慧必會讓你大開眼界、讚歎連連。

你到底有多認識佛陀呢？

.

我大力推薦此書，可到以下書局網購，或到真佛般若藏免費閱讀電子書或聆聽有聲書：

1) 新加坡紀伊書店 - https://singapore.kinokuniya.com/bw/9789573052654

2) 台灣金石堂 - https://www.kingstone.com.tw/basics/basics.asp?kmcode=2012000022409&lid=common-index-billboard-all&actid=bookindex

3) 真佛般若藏 - https://www.tbboyeh.org/cht#/store

.....................

"Dharma Sister, the numbers for book signing have all been given out!"

Venue: Daden Culture book stall at Taiwan Lei Tsang Temple

I was holding on to "The Buddha I Know: Thus Have I Heard", the latest book by my Root Guru, His Holiness Living Buddha Lian Sheng, with my other hand grasping onto the cash, wanting to pay for the book.

"No problem, Dharma Brother. Without the autograph of Grandmaster, I would still wish to buy this book." I smiled in reply, thanking him for his friendly reminder.

I prefer reading from an actual book over an ebook. Back at home, I have one full wall of my Grandmaster's books on my bookshelves.

I rarely buy my Grandmaster's books from Lei Tsang temples. Usually, for His latest release, I would buy from Singapore Kinokuniya book store. It is my hope that this little gesture would help to boost sales at external bookstores, so that my Grandmaster's books can continue to be sold beyond the temples. To pay for it is my small token of appreciation and support for the author's effort.

To have my Grandmaster's autograph on the book is, of course, covetable, but whether the I can attain enlightenment is still dependant on my hard work.

When I first heard my Grandmaster announcing the book title "The Buddha I Know: Thus Have I Heard", I immediately felt a sense of closeness.

Everybody has a different starting point for believing in the Buddha. There are some people who are devoted to Guan Shi Yin Bodhisattva, and hence take refuge. For me, it was because of Shakyamuni Buddha.

During my NUS Buddhist Society days, I often visited a Sri Lanka Buddhist temple in Singapore. I would pay homage to Buddha and circumambulate the Bodhi tree. For many years, I would be at the temple regurgitating my troubles and sufferings to Buddha. Sometimes, I would circumambulate endless rounds around the Bodhi tree while being troubled. When my first relationship failed, I cried in front of the Sleeping Buddha for 2 hours.

At that time, I didn't understand why my life was tougher than other people, no matter how much effort I poured in. I kept pleading to Buddha for an answer. For what am I alive for? Why do I have to come to this mortal world? What can I do to improve my life?

Naturally, how could the Buddha that sat on the altar literally speak to this resentful girl?

With the money I scrimped and saved working part-time during my uni days, I bought a Buddha statue and after having it consecrated, I enshrined the statue in my study room. Once, when my mum was angry with me over some issue, she threw away the Buddha statue while I was out.

Upon graduation, I bought another Buddha statue. The silly me assumed that both statues are of Shakyamuni Buddha when in fact, they were of Mahāvairocana Buddha.

I guess this must be one affinity why I took refuge in my Grandmaster 5 years later.

In 2013, Seattle Lei Tsang Temple started a new column "Thus Have I Heard", reporting on the daily Dharma teachings of Grandmaster. Dragging the husband along, we volunteered to translate a few of the reports into English for the official website. It was our little way to repay Grandmaster for his selfless contributions and teachings.

Now you know why I took a liking to the book title almost immediately.

.

On the flight back from Taiwan, I read the book for about 2 hours.

I suddenly had a realisation. The young lady that cried and bemoaned her fate in front of Shakyamuni Buddha 19 years ago had her prayers answered after all. Buddha did hear her pleas and did not let her prayers go unfulfilled.

I was a Science student and since young, I was full of curiosity for this world. The encyclopaedia I had at home had been read at least 100 times over 10 years. But I had always felt that the knowledge humans need to know should be more than that.

Before taking refuge in Grandmaster, I had read, watched and listened to many Dharma discourses expounded by many famous Venerables, both in English and Chinese. They all explained the teachings of Buddha very well.

However, only Living Buddha Lian-Sheng could thoroughly answer my conundrums about life and this universe, through His Dharma discourses and books.
Dictionary

Especially in this book.

Apart from the science that we know, there is indeed another dimension of existence, another field of energy from the Universe.

When we take refuge to learn the Dharma, we are essentially learning what the Buddha had taught. The sole purpose is to eventually attain Buddhahood.

But do you know, just what kind of Buddhists are recognised by Shakyamuni Buddha as true disciples?

And how can we humans break free from sufferings and achieve bliss? How can we tame the wild minds in us? How do we return to our true self from this mortal body?

Just what actually is our true nature?

That day, Shifu asked a young lady, "You say you wish to learn the Dharma. Then do you know who is the founder of Buddhism?"

She had read all of Shifu's FB articles from 2013-2019, but was unable to reply.

Do not treat the Buddhadharma as ordinary mortal knowledge, let alone masquerade under the name of learning the Dharma, but in reality, using the knowledge to make more money and build a business. Peddling the Buddha for self-profit is a sin that would have you swallowing red hot iron balls and drinking boiling hot liquid iron in Hell!

.

Before my trip to Taiwan, Shifu told me to take a photo with Taipei 101. So I went there with my Grandmaster's book.

Master Dai Hu had taught me, Taipei 101 is the modern-day version of Wen Chang Pagoda.

In ancient times, Wen Chang is highly valued, because it favours the academics, scholarly achievements and career. When a certain mountain form is lacking in certain geographical locations, a Wen Chang Pagoda ( also known as Wen Feng Pagoda) would be constructed to activate and encourage the birth of more scholarly people.

So in the old days, there is the Wen Chang Pagoda, and now we have the Taipei 101.

In the past, there is Buddha who first expounded on the Four Noble Truths. And now, we have His Holiness, Dharma King Lian Sheng, to continue turning the Wheel of Dharma.

What about humans? Throughout history, humans have lived a befuddled existence. Even till now.

Most people want Wen Chang because they pursue fame and recognition. I covet Wen Chang, because I hope to get enlightened sooner. Oh please, let me be less stupid...

Whether you are new to the teachings of Buddha, or a Buddhist disciple for years, if you are pursuing the ultimate truth of Life like me, this book will open up your eyes and have you singing in praises.

Just how well do you know Buddha?

.

I strongly recommend this book and you can purchase it online at the links below, or hop over to True Buddha Prajna Treasury to read the ebook or listen to the audiobook for free.

1) Kinokuniya Singapore - https://singapore.kinokuniya.com/bw/9789573052654

2) Kingstone Taiwan - https://www.kingstone.com.tw/basics/basics.asp?kmcode=2012000022409&lid=common-index-billboard-all&actid=bookindex

3) 真佛般若藏 True Buddha Prajna Treasury - https://www.tbboyeh.org/cht#/store

#留聲物語📻 #瘋癲老人日記 #我內心不斷鳴唱的詩

#三月八號 #敦南誠品黑膠市集講座👉👉
https://www.facebook.com/events/525544417936796/
這部小說，歷來的讀者大抵皆知此乃日本當代文豪、人稱「大谷崎」的谷崎潤一郎生前最後問世、也是他晚年最成熟的代表作。

乍看下，《瘋癲老人日記》是一樁貪戀兒媳婦的老人逐日寫下來的生活雜錄與情慾紀事，卻令讀者無法分辨哪些部分是事實、哪些情節是妄想！其內容主要講述年逾七十歲的小說主角卯目督助因病隱居家中調養，卻不禁迷戀上與他同住一處屋簷下、婚後被丈夫冷落的兒媳婦颯子，而年輕貌美的颯子不僅風騷善舞，更有雙纖細修長的白皙美腿，使得既已年邁又性無能的老人也不由得春心蕩漾！於是老人便不斷找機會接近颯子，颯子也容許老人看她沐浴。隨著病痛逐漸加強，死亡陰影日益逼近，後來卯目督助近乎無法自拔地愛上她裸露的雙腳，看作是佛的玉足，甚至幻想著能夠拓下颯子的腳印（拓本），將其雕刻成「佛足石」作為自己的墓碑。這樣一來，在他（卯目督助）死後便能埋骨在颯子的腳底下，永遠享受被颯子踩踏的絕頂歡愉，由此獲得極樂往生之道……

由於谷崎每每在其作品裡露骨地呈現了畸變的人物性格和嗜好、施虐與受虐的病態快感，遂常被學界冠以「惡魔主義」的稱謂。尤其對於《瘋癲老人日記》這部充滿荒誕與官能想像的文學名著，相信很多人都聽過、甚至讀過各種文字版本。但由谷崎潤一郎本人透過朗讀的方式，由他自己的聲音來扮演《瘋癲老人日記》劇中主角卯目督助，那可就委實絕無僅有了。

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💽《留聲年代:電影、文學、老唱片》（SOUNDS OF THE TIMES:FILMS,LITERATURE,OLD RECORDS）
作者│李志銘
裝幀設計│何佳興
設計協力│張喬淇、歐冷

🎙
誠 品 https://goo.gl/9xUnAW
博客來 https://goo.gl/k1UCke
讀 冊 https://goo.gl/TNUGPH

📖
#電子書
讀 冊 https://goo.gl/eGthzf
讀 墨 https://goo.gl/pcgZqt
樂 天 https://goo.gl/C2xP2P
博客來 https://goo.gl/iqRkXT