因為一篇文章，受邀對兩位美國大使簡報

Presentality英文寫作分析:

前總統府英文演講撰稿人Andrew Yang在華府智庫工作時，因為寫了一篇文章，受邀對兩位大使演講。當時，他只是個22歲大學剛畢業的實習生。文章到底哪裡好？其實他那時也不太理解。

多年後的今天，他把文章的最初稿貼出來，分析他覺得為何會得到美國政策圈的專注:

★★★★★★★★★★★★

Dear Mr. Yang,

Your PacNet piece is the best thing I’ve read. Would you be interested in coming to New York to brief us on the topic?

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📌 這是我在華府戰略暨國際研究中心 (CSIS) 任職的時候，收到的一封 email。寄件人我早已經久仰大名，曾任美國駐中國大使。他跟另一位前大使正要前往中國，希望出發前邀請我到紐約跟他們簡報。

但我收到那封信，非常困惑。因為那時的我，才22歲。我剛大學畢業不久，在智庫也還只是個實習生。兩位德高望重的大使，為何會想要把我飛到紐約去跟他們簡報？

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他們 email 裡說是因為看到我寫的文章：“PacNet piece”。

那是我生平第一次寫政策分析評論，是某個週末心血來潮寫的。寫完之後發給我老闆 (也是一位知名的中國專家)，他居然直接打我手機 (never happened before) 然後問：「這是你寫的？真的是你自己寫的？沒有其他人幫你？是你寫的？」

我跟他保證我沒有抄襲之後，他就把我的文做了一些修改，然後刊登到CSIS旗下太平洋論壇 (Pacific Forum) 的刊物 PacNet。隔週，華府的兩岸政策專家居然開始討論這篇文，然後文章又被其他國際媒體轉載。

然後我就接到這兩位大使的邀約。我一路都很困惑。

★★★★★★★★★★★★

📌 文章… 到底好在哪裡？

老實說… 我那時真的不知道。在文章刊登前，我就只是會議室角落的那個實習生，默默地聽那些地位崇高的專家演講。刊登後，聽到那些專家討論我寫的東西 (但不知道是角落的這個小孩寫的)，我還是不知道到底戳到了什麼點。

後來我就遺忘了它。17年之後的今天 (哎呀，透露自己年紀了) 回去看，我才看出一點點頭緒。 有三個點，值得跟各位分享，希望對你的英文寫作有幫助。最重要的點，我放在最後，所以你也可以直接跳到後面看。

一點背景：這篇文章的主題是台灣跟美國政府的溝通。2004年寫的時候，陳水扁面臨選舉壓力，推公投，讓美國很不爽。台灣官方很多團來美國跟 CSIS 等智庫見面 (畢竟不能直接見美國政府)，但溝通效果不佳。我這篇文章就是討論溝通為何沒有成果。

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📌 1. 寫的很假掰，有時也有用處

我回去看的第一個感想就是：我的媽呀，怎麼這麼假掰！？用一大堆很長的字跟句子，既班門弄斧，又超級難唸…

你看看這段：

Yet officials and experts from Taiwan have been unwilling to tread into the domestic political dimensions of the referendum, and instead steadfastly insist that it is necessitated by international conditions.

這是什麼鬼東西？

“tread into the domestic political dimensions of the referendum”？ “Necessitated by international conditions”?

“Steadfastly insist”? 反正就是把一堆音節很多的字，串成很多很長的句子就對了。

所以，寫的不好對不對？其實也不一定。評估文筆的好壞，沒有一定的標準，就看你的讀者喜歡哪種口吻。

Is your writing good or bad? It’s your readers who decide.

那個時候的我，是一位22歲的實習生，面對的是美國政策圈的專家們，其中很多是研究所的教授，用字遣詞都很「知識份子」(不像我公司今天的客戶，都是只說接地氣白話文的創業家)。所以：

•我沒有寫 “low point”，而是寫 “nadir”
•不是寫 “toned down enough”，而是 “sufficiently moderated”
•不寫 “fits with”，而是 “accords with”

我看了都很想打我自己。可是… 就因為我的用字像一位政策分析 (或學術) 的人會寫的，才會讓對方覺得「這個是自己人」。反而是我的老闆會精神錯亂，因為這文筆跟他辦公室外面的那個小毛頭，反差太大。

所以有時候，用很複雜的專業字眼，是一種「建立可信度」的方式。反而在你變成你的領域的佼佼者之後，就可以大剌剌的用白話文，因為沒有人會質疑你的可信度。

★★★★★★★★★★★★

📌 2. 專業之餘，還是要玩點文字遊戲

專業歸專業，偶爾還是要來點文字遊戲，讓讀者「喔」一下，不然一直用 “policy speak” (政策的語言，無聊但是精準)，沒人想要看下去。

這裡就是一段「文字遊戲」：

Taiwan believes that yelling is the only recourse when its hands are tied, and that the referendum is a rather loud amplifier.

我還記得當時這樣寫的目的，就是要給讀者畫面：把台灣想成一個人，雙手被綁住，就只能大叫，公投就被我比喻成擴音器。

下一段，我就繼續用「樂器」的比喻：

But the way Taiwan has been voicing its opinions is flawed, and repeatedly beating this broken old drum for weeks to American ears has clearly proved counterproductive.

我還記得一位同事看到這段的時候，抬頭對我說：「我還不知道你滿會寫的耶」。這就是我要看到的效果。*不過為何要從「擴音器」變成「鼓」？我也不知道。

總之，在你的文中撒一些好玩的效果，有助於讓讀者繼續看。

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📌 3. 但遠比文筆還重要的，是寫到人家心坎裡

即使我的文筆再好，它還是不是關鍵。畢竟華府每天有那麼多文章刊出，很多人文筆比我還要好，為何是我的這篇得到關注？

我現在回去分析，認為是我有「寫到美國人讀者的心坎裡」。

要了解這個點，必須回溯一下背景。我那時是實習生嘛 (不過文章刊登時突然被晉升為研究助理)，工作就是安排大大小小的會議，其中很多是台灣的官員跟專家帶團來美國，幾乎都會來 CSIS 因為是主要智庫之一。

在一次次的會議中，我看台灣方很用力的解釋，但美方卻越來越不耐煩。然後下一個訪團光臨，也說同樣的話，然後美方就更不耐煩。我恍然大悟，看到問題在哪裡，才會「心血來潮」的寫了這篇文。

因為我每天都跟美方的政策專家混在一起，很自然的就用「他們的話」把事情寫出來，而且還把他們的情緒寫進去：

Most folks in Washington… believe that the referendum is first and foremost an election gambit.

…true allies do not undermine each other’s interests for immediate political gains. That Taipei fails to see this is mind boggling, and simply infuriates the Americans.

No more one-sided complaints about Beijing or its cozy relations with America in front of U.S. officials who still feel betrayed and want apologies.

很多屬於情緒的字眼對不對：mind boggling, infuriating, feel betrayed, want apologies, etc.

這些話，都是他們身處外交場合，擺在心裡但說不出來的話。突然有人如此直白的寫出來，也等於是為他們宣洩了一些情緒。

這提醒了我一件事：溝通時，把對方的情緒表達出來，有時比任何精闢理性的論點都要強大。

★★★★★★★★★★★★

📌 需要Andrew寫的政策分析評論和分析，請留言「I want to read the PacNet piece!」。

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Presentality每天都在追蹤與分析跟英文溝通/寫作有關的文章，如果想要透過我們這些「閱讀筆記」一起學習，可在 FB 追蹤我們：https://www.facebook.com/presentality/

📌 Presentality系列文章:
1. 看貝佐斯致亞馬遜股東的最後一封信，學一些英文寫作小撇步
https://bit.ly/3xCN1cC

2. 英文演講實用的結構與技巧
https://bit.ly/2PHu3Ax

3. 在演講中的四種敘述角度
https://bit.ly/39tNUtv

4. 詩人Amanda Gorman的英文演講技巧
https://bit.ly/39sI3on

5. 從 Most Dangerous Place 文章，看經濟學人寫作邏輯
https://bit.ly/3htqJEs

6. 寫作的終極目標是「提供價值」
https://bit.ly/3yA3gYe

7. 看 Bloomberg學資深記者如何寫文章
https://bit.ly/3i3am1P

8. 用字遣詞的敏感度
https://bit.ly/3pvVA5n

圖片出處: https://careers.csis.org/

立法提升博物馆的公共服务职能

Cadangan Dibuat Oleh YB Yeoh Untuk Penggubalan Rang Undang-Undang Enakmen Lembaga Muzium Negeri Pulau Pinang

George Town- YB Yeoh Soon Hin, EXCO Pelancongan dan Ekonomi Kreatif telah bercadang menggubalkan Rang Undang-Undang (RUU) bagi Enakamen Lembaga Muzium Negeri Pulau Pinang bagi memperuntukkan kuasa-kuasa baru kepada Lembaga Muzium Negeri Pulau Pinang untuk menyelia dan memantau operasi muzium-muzium swasta dan persendirian di Pulau Pinang.

Beliau berkata permohonan pandangan cadangan tersebut telah dibuat pada tahun lepas kepada Jabatan Peguam Negara Malaysia tentang pengubalan suatu RUU yang baharu bagi menggantikan Enakmen Lembaga Muzium Negeri Pulau Pinang 1972 yang sedia ada.

Beliau turut menambah sekiranya RUU tersebut diluluskan, RUU ini tidak akan terkesan kepada muzium-muzium persendirian yang sedia ada di Pulau Pinang.

“Dalam Persidangan Mesyuarat Pertama Penggal Keempat Dewan Undangan Negeri Pulau Pinang yang Ketiga Belas pada tahun 2016, semasa saya selaku ADUN telah membangkitkan isu kebanyakan muzium swasta tidak mencapai tahap bedasarkan kepada definasi yang diberikan oleh pihak ICOM atau Jabatan Muzium Negara.”

“Pada masa itu, saya juga bercadang pihak Kerajaan Negeri Pulau Pinang:

(i) harus memastikan kualiti muzium dan menetapkan garis panduan dan etika penubuhan muzium bagi memastikan muzium sebagai sebuah institusi pendidikan umum tidak formal, menyebarkan maklumat mengenai sejarah, kebudayaan dan alam semula jadi;

(ii) aktiviti yang dikendalikan oleh muzium-muzium mesti merupakan salah satu usaha yang diharapkan dapat membantu negara membina dan memperkukuhkan jati diri masyarakat di samping menjadi daya tarikan pelancong.”

Beliau berkata selaku EXCO Pelancongan, Seni, Budaya dan Warisan dan beliau juga merupakan Pengerusi Lembaga Muzium Negeri Pulau Pinang sejak 2018 (di mana sekarang dengan nama baharu kepada Pelancogan dan Ekonomi Kreatif) telah bermulakan kerja untuk menggubalkan Pembaharuan Rang Undang- Undang Enakamen Lembaga Muzium Negeri Pulau Pinang ini.

Yeoh berkata bahawa Rang Undang- Undang Enakamen Lembaga Muzium Negeri Pulau Pinang yang baru akan dibentangkan dalam Persidangan Mesyuarat Dewan Undangan Negeri Pulau Pinang yang akan datang ini nanti.

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杨顺兴建议修改槟博物馆法案

（槟城讯）槟州旅游与创意经济委员会主席杨顺兴行政议员建议修改槟州博物馆机构法案，以赋予槟州博物馆机构权限，对私人或独立博物馆进行监督与监控工作。

他说，有关当局去年已致函总检察署，询问以新法案取代现有的1972年槟州博物馆机构法案。

他补充，新法案通过后，不会对当下已存在的私人或独立博物馆造成任何影响。

“实际上早在2016年槟州议会上，我以州议员身份在议会辩论时，已提及槟州大部分私人博物馆，没达到国际博物馆协会（ICOM）及国家博物馆的定义与标准。”

“当时我也建议槟州政府：
（一）必须设定条规及成立条件，以确保州内博物馆的素质。槟州政府必须确保所有博物馆，扮演非正式教育单位的角色、传达历史、自然、文化相关的资讯；

（二）所有博物馆所举办的活动，能够帮助国家建设及巩固社会身份认同，同时成为吸引游客的旅游景点。”

杨顺兴指出，自2018年始担任槟州旅游、艺术、文化与遗产委员会（现称槟州旅游与创意经济）行政议员，兼槟州博物馆委员会主席后，他便展开行动，修改槟州博物馆机构法案。

他说，新的槟州博物馆机构法案将在来临的槟州立法议会上提呈。
Proposal Made By YB Yeoh For Pengubalan Law Bill Enactment of Penang State Museum Board

George Town-YB Yeoh Soon Hin, Tourism EXCO and Creative Economy has planned to undermine Bill (Bill) for the Encounter of the Penang State Museum Board to allocate new powers to the Penang State Museum Board to overlook and monitor the operations of museumsiums private and private in Penang.

He said that the suggestion application was made last year to the Lawyer Negara Malaysia's Department on the remedy of a new Bill to replace the Enactment of the existing Penang 1972 State Museum Board.

He also added if the bill was approved, the bill would not be impressed with the existing private museums in Penang.

′′ In the First Meeting Conference of the 2016th of Penang State Legislative Hall in 2016, while I as ADUN has raised the issue of most private museums not reaching the definition of the definition given by the ICOM or the National Museum."

′′ At that time, I also planned the Penang State Government:

(i) must ensure the quality of the museum and set guidelines and ethics of the museum to ensure the museum as a formal public education institution, spreading information about history, culture and nature;

(ii) Activities controlled by museums must be one of the efforts that are expected to help the country build and strengthen the community's identity in addition to tourist attractions."

He said as Tourism EXCO, Arts, Culture and Heritage and he was also the Chairman of the Penang State Museum board since 2018 (where now with a new name to Tourism and Creative Economy) has started working to complete the Reform of the Encounter of the Board of the Encounter This Penang State Museum.

Yeoh said that the new Penang State Museum Board Enactment Bill will be presented at the upcoming Penang State Invitation Hall Meeting.

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Yang Shun-hing proposes amendments to the Yang Museum Act

(Hangzhou Tourism and Creative Economic Commission, Mr YEUNG Shun-hing, Chairman of the Hangzhou Tourism and Creative Economics Commission, proposed to amend the Hangzhou Museum Institution Act to give Hangzhou Museum institutions the authority to superv

He said that the authorities had written to the Attorney General's Office last year asking about the replacement of the existing Hangzhou Museum Institution Act 1972 with a new bill.

He added that after the passage of the new bill, there would be no effect on the private or independent museums that exist at the moment.

′′ In fact, as early as 2016 in the Hangzhou Assembly, when I debated in the Parliament as a state member, I mentioned most of the private museums in Hangzhou, which did not meet the definition and standards of the International Association of Museums (ICOM)

′′ At that time, I also suggested the Hangzhou government:
(a) Regulations and conditions must be established to ensure the quality of museums in the state. The Hangzhou government must ensure that all museums play the role of informal education units and convey information related to history, nature and culture;

() The activities organized by all museums can help build and strengthen social identity and become tourist attractions for tourists."

Mr Yeung pointed out that since 2018, he was an executive member of the Hangzhou Tourism, Arts, Culture and Heritage Committee (now known as Hangzhou Tourism and Creative Economy) and chairman of the Hangzhou Museum Committee, he had State Museum Institution Act.

He said the new Hangzhou Museum Institution Act will be presented in the coming Hangzhou Legislative Assembly.Translated

已寄。#全球一起寄信去國際刑事法院
　
最下面" A HongKong citizen " 我有改成
＂A Taiwan citizen ＂
希望大家一起同心協力，分享出去。
（有英文上的糾正，歡迎至原文底下另開註解）

一齊send email 去國際刑事法院
[email protected]

要求調查及控告香港警察
（歡迎修改及轉載）

Request for investigation and prosecution of the HONG KONG POLICE FORCE

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing to complain about the recent brutal violence by the Hong Kong Police Force targeted deliberately at local citizens and foreign visitors to the city.

Over the past two months, large-scale, frequent, and mostly peaceful protests are organised to oppose a proposed extradition bill that would allow criminal suspects to be sent to Mainland China, which many say would seriously undermine Hong Kong’s guaranteed autonomy.

During the protests, the Hong Kong Police resorts to extreme violence on peaceful protesters, including physical attacks, sexual abuse, tear gas, plastic bullets, and random arrests.

There is evidence that the tear gas used by the Police was well past the expiry date. It is well documented that expired tear gas, which releases deadly cyanides, is really toxic to health.

We wish to underline that the tear gas does not only affect the protesters, but also unrelated walk-bys, including foreign visitors, who happen to be caught in the middle of the demonstrations. Owing to the crowded nature of Hong Kong’s buildings, many residents, including elderly homes, are suffered from the toxic tear gas.

Recently, the Police has started to fire tear gas indoors, e.g. in metro/subway stations. This completely contradicts the guidelines of tear gas uses.

The unlawful excessive force includes but not limited to:

1. Shot a young female protestor with bag bullets in the eye causing permanent vision loss.
2. Shot a teacher in the eye with bag bullets causing permanent visual impairment.
3. Deliberately allowed and assisted several groups of local gangsters to attack protesters and civilians indiscriminately.
4. Used expired tear gas which turns into cyanide, effectively launching chemical warfare against protestors and other civilians.
5. Fired tear gas at elderly homes, residential buildings and crowded streets still full of random passers-by as well as aiming physically at protestors, journalists, medical service and civilians.
6. Fired tear gas indoor, in metro stations which totally against official instructions.
7. Brutally beaten up arrested protestors.
8. Planting fake evidence on protestors.
9. Shot protestors in the head with rubber and bag bullets.
10. Shot protestors with tear gas in less than 1 meter.
11. Targeted protestors' heads when beating them with batons.
12. Brutally attacked female passer-by and sexually assaulted them.
13. Brutally beaten up journalists with batons.
14. Shot journalists with tear gas and rubber bullets.
15. Attacked and arrested first aiders.

The Hong Kong SAR government refused and continues to refuse popular request in forming an independent investigation committee to look into the current turmoil; in particular, the widely believed unlawful brutal acts performed by the police force.

In this regard, I wish to seek your assistance in starting an investigation into such unlawful enforcement of the Hong Kong Police, especially the use of expired tear gas.

I hope your international, impartial status and your connection with the United Nations would help innocent Hong Kong residents by stopping the violence and offences still being done by the Hong Kong Police, and hopefully bring true justice to us.

Thank you for your kind attention.

Regards,
XXX
A Hong Kong citizen