《婚姻不是賣身契》(English version below)

常常聽到女客人女學生說，老公看不起她們、不允許她們做想做的事、嫌棄她們的外貌、不尊敬她們的意見、不善待她們的父母，等等不公平的對待。

這真讓吾疑惑了。婚前怎麼沒先把「產品」檢驗好，就下手進貨呢？現在工廠又拒絕退貨，便只能跑來向玳瑚師父吐苦水了。（一笑）

吾常告訴她們，業障比較重的人才投胎做女人。女人得經過至少四十年的生理期，不但因生孩子而身材走樣，還得做工養家。回到家又是監督孩子讀書，又是做家務，又是哄老公，氣喘如牛，沒有了自己。

要遇到一個可靠又可愛的男人，不容易。

玳瑚師父年少時曾轟轟烈烈地談過幾場戀愛，其實，要遇到一個可靠又可愛的女人一樣也很難。（苦笑）

言歸正傳⋯⋯

待在家裡看孩子，被先生嫌，對家計沒貢獻。

想追求自己的夢想，先生問，孩子誰來顧？

把髒衣服丟在地上，太太撿起，太太沒空掃地，先生不幫忙，還責備與埋怨。

委託先生買衛生棉，先生卻非常排斥，說是「髒東西」！吾想，明明還未使用，和買廁紙有何不同？當枕頭睡都行！這真是迷信到糊塗了。

好的姻緣，需要福份。

學佛消業障，爲自己和家人增福增慧，更需要上乘的福份。

我們都該選擇，做個有福氣的人。

女學生當中，也有先生阻止她們來學佛，說是怕她們越來越迷信。

更有女學生說：「師父，我怕我先生會跟著我來，找你麻煩！」

孩子，別怕，師父蠻能打的，哈哈哈！但吾是君子，而且還是修行人，動口不動手。

女人，自己要爭氣，要長智慧。

妳雖然對老公說了「我願意」，與他共同組織一個家庭，但試問，如果妳命運不好，又或者曾經殺生墮胎，他願意幫妳代業嗎？

如果妳事業運差，處處碰壁，妳先生願意把他的福份割給你，而自己沒工作嗎？

如果妳父母健康亮起紅燈，妳先生願意幫她他們祈福消病業嗎？

就算他能，妳就該讓他承受這一切嗎？不是說好，愛他嗎？

自己的命，自己負責。自己的業障，自己消。

我們可以選擇逃避，或委曲求全，但這姻緣不佳的業障，一日不消，妳的幸福一日都祇是自欺欺人罷了。

人與人之間，要多耐心溝通，才能避免誤會。

向玳瑚師父學習，就是學智慧。

吾也曾因爲學生沒有改善自己的德行，沒有捍衛吾，而讓她他家人誤會向吾學佛，浪費人生。

這真是師父引進門，修行在個人，徒兒不肖，殃及師父。

婚姻不該把兩個人綁得死死的，也不該帶著威脅性。這不是真愛。

婚姻，必須給予彼此適當的空間去成長，去做彼此喜歡的事。

先生允許太太去學佛，這功德他也有，因爲他成就了妳。

妳學得好，他的功德就更大，很多生活上的難題都能迎刃而解，只因爲有功德，好運不請便自來。

同樣的，如果先生阻止太太學佛，解脫輪迴，這過失也非常大，恐已種下下地獄的因。

吾不會因爲別人的意見，而左右吾教學的道心。

當吾一直勸一個人來學佛時，必定是因爲吾已看出她他未來的命運有多麼的難堪，想伸出援手去救她他。

風水命理不能解決所有人世間的煩惱，唯有佛法才可以。

但如果她他還是決定鬆開吾的手，往熾熱的火坑裡跳，吾也不會難過。

吾已盡心盡力，成敗如何，一切隨緣。

其實根本也沒有成或敗。除了超越生死以外，這人間本來就無事，有事，也是妳你自己拿繩子往身上五花大綁罷了。

.....................

I often hear from my female clients and students, that their husbands look down on them, disallow them to do what they wish, despise their appearances, disrespect their opinions, mistreat their parents, etc.

This really got me perturbed. Why didn't they do a thorough check on the "product", before placing an order? Now that the factory does not accept refund, they can only run to Master Dai Hu to pour out their sorrows. (laughs)

I often tell them, people with more negative karma get to be reborn as women. Women have to undergo at least 4 decades of menstrual cycles. Not only do they sacrifice their hour figures for their children, they still have to work to pay the bills.

When they get home after a long of work, they have to supervise the children in their studies, do the chores and make the husband happy. At the end of the day, they pant like a water buffalo, and lose themselves.

It is not easy to meet a man who is reliable and adorable.

Actually, Master Dai Hu had his fair share of relationships in his younger days. It is just as difficult to find a lady who is reliable and adorable. (bitter laugh)

I digress...

When a woman stays at home to look after the children, the husband laments that she does not contribute to the household income.

When she wishes to pursue her dreams, the husband asks, who is going to look after the children?

When dirty clothes are thrown carelessly on the floor, she picks them up for laundry. Yet when she has no time to sweep the floor, the husband does not help but scolds and finds fault with her instead.

When she asks the husband for help in purchasing sanitary napkins, the husband finds it repulsive, and claimed that those are "dirty" things!

That gets me thinking. How is unused sanitary napkins different from buying toilet paper? One can even use them as pillows! This is truly superstitious at its worst.

A good marriage requires good fortune.

To learn Buddhism, and eradicate negative karma, helping the entire family to boost its wisdom and fortune, calls for even higher fortune.

We should all choose to be people of good fortune.

Among my female students, there are husbands who prevent them from learning Buddhism, as they worry about their wives becoming overly superstitious.

There are also female students that said, "Master, I worry that my husband will tag along with me and find trouble with you!"

My child, don't fear, Master is quite adept at street fighting. Hahaha! But I am a gentleman, and a Buddhist practitioner, who uses his eloquence, and not his fists.

A woman must stand up for herself and grow her wisdom.

Although you said "I do" to your husband, and form a family together with him, ask yourself, if you have a poor destiny, or has aborted and killed, will your husband take over your karma?

If your career is floundering, and runs into a brick wall everywhere, will your husband be willing to shave off his good fortune for you, and suffer a poor career instead?

If the health of your parents plummets, will your husband seek blessings for them, and eradicate their sickness karma?

Even if he can, should you let him undertake all these? Didn't you said you love him?

We are responsible for our own destinies. We have to be the ones to eradicate our negative karma.

Sure, we can choose to run away or compromise ourselves, but the bad karma of a poor marriage will remain, and the so-called happily ever after is just a sham and self-deception at its best.

The channels of communication should always be open and constant, to prevent misunderstandings.

When you learn from Master Dai Hu, you are learning wisdom.

I have been misunderstood by families of my students, when my students did not improve in their moral conduct and speak up for me. Their families would think that learning the Dharma from me was a waste of life.

Just like you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink, the master initiates the apprentices but their skill depends on their own efforts.

When they fail to, they put their teacher into hot water.

A marriage should not be a kidnap of each other's freedom. Nor should it be built on the foundation of threats. This is not true love.

There should be sufficient space for each other to grow and pursue what they like.

When the husband allows his wife to learn the Dharma, he would partake in the merits generated. Because his permission contributes to her accomplishment.

When the wife gets really good at what she learns, his merits would snowball. Many challenging issues in life would be resolved readily, as good luck comes uninvited when merits are plentiful.

Similarly, when the husband prevents his wife from learning Buddhism, to break free from the clutches of reincarnation, this is a grave mistake that plants the seed to Hell.

My commitment to impart the teachings of Buddha will not be swayed by the frivolous reasons of others.

When I repeatedly advise you to come and learn the Dharma, it must be because I foresee the hardships ahead in your Destiny, and I wish to lend a helping hand to you.

Chinese Metaphysics will not solve all problems in this mortal world. Only the Dharma has this ability.

Should you decide to let go of my hand, and throw yourself into the scorching fire pit, I will not be sad either.

I had already done my best. The end result, be it success or failure, is all up to Fate.

The truth is, there is no success or failure. Other than liberation from reincarnation, nothing truly matters in this human world. If you think it matters, that is because you choose to pick up the rope, loop it around your neck and tie your arms behind your back.

「不當家，怎知柴米油鹽的辛苦。」

我們家嬛娘娘雖然近日變成了羋月（我還沒看），但她金玉良言我還是銘記在心。

有了正職後Yutopia真的變成我的“精神糧食”，以前總把拍照編輯啊當成樂趣的，現在變成真正的工作後開始感受到真實的壓力了。

想當年Styling老師笑我們說：「你們動作這麼慢以後三天或兩天甚至半天就要完成一個shoot我看你們怎麼辦！」

當時覺得他根本說笑，現在倒是笑不出來啊（乾笑三聲），老師你還沒說當Stylist兼攝影師是怎麼個樣子啊!!!!!

分享最近工作時的一個小製作。這些成果就是我最近一直搞消失的原因，繼續小步小步的朝攝影師邁進。

With my reliable team Maison Noir Faymi Ho 何宣昀 Roy Chang
Location Musée-Taipei Musée Kitchen & Bar

做別人的繆思，更要做自己的繆思。被時尚啟發後成為一個時髦的人，再去感染身邊的人，一起讓美自由流動在我們身邊。

百分之百的材質使用，讓你成為一個百分之百的女人！

Maison Noir衣服鞋子包包，七折，等你一起來成為Girl In Noir。

Model: Faymi Ho 何宣昀
Hair: Roy Chang
Location: Musée-Taipei Musée Kitchen & Bar
Brands: Etienne Derœux rejina PYO Eugenia Kim Designers Remix Avelon Jamie Wei Huang Vita Fede ViaTORY Coliac

Project and all garments selected by Maison Noir

dates a girl who travels. 和一個旅行女孩約會吧。（請自行尋找相中亮點 XD) 【一舊雲 旅行者雜貨店】

Date a girl who travels. 和一個旅行女孩約會吧！

Date a girl who travels.
Date a girl who would rather save up for out of town trips or day trips than buy new shoes or clothes. She may not look like a fashion plate, but behind that tanned and freckled face from all the days out in the sun, lies a mind that can take you places and an open heart that will take you for what you are, not for what you can be.

和一個旅行女孩約會吧。這個女孩，寧願把錢存下來當作旅行基金，也不會花在無謂的新衣服。她看起來可能不是個時尚辣妹，但在那張久經日曬的小麥色臉龐後，藏著一顆能帶你去任何地方，並且能欣賞你最真實個性的一顆心。


Date a girl who travels.
You’ll recognize her by the backpack she always carries. She won’t be carrying a dainty handbag; where will she put her travel journal, her pens, and the LED flashlight that’s always attached to her bag’s zipper? In a small purse, how can she bring the small coil of travel string, the wet tissues, the box of cracker, and the bottle of water she’s always ready with, just in case something happens and she can’t go home yet? Yes, a girl who travels knows that anytime, anything can happen and she just has to be prepared with it. Nothing takes her by surprise; she takes everything with equanimity, knowing that such things are always a part of life. She’s reliable and dependable, traits that she’s learned while on the road.

和一個旅行女孩約會吧。你可以一眼就從那永不離身的背包認出她。並非一個無法裝載旅行日誌、筆、手電筒的精緻小提包，一個小包包怎麼能裝下旅行繩、溼毛巾、乾糧、和一瓶緊急備用的水呢？沒錯，一個旅行女孩知道隨時都有可能發生無法預料的事，所以她會永遠保持在準備好的狀態。沒有什麼事能嚇到她，她永遠可以泰然處之從容面對，知道這就是人生。她是值得信賴依靠的，這是她從旅途中學到的事。


You’ll also recognize a girl who travels by the fact that she’s always amazed at the world around her, no matter if she’s in her home town or in a place that’s totally new. She sees beauty all around her, not just the ones featured in travel guides or shown in postcards. A girl who travels has developed a deeper appreciation for life. She won’t judge you, or pressure you to do things you don’t want to do. She knows too much about the importance of identity and self-efficacy, and she will appreciate all the more if you won’t pretend to be who you’re not.

你也可以從旅行女孩那不管是在家鄉或是一個陌生城鎮，卻總能對她周遭事物充滿興趣的特質認出她。她可以發覺各式美麗事物，而不只是旅行指南或明信片上的熱門景點。一個旅行女孩會對生命由衷的欣賞，她不會武斷地評論你，也不會逼你做不情願的事。她清楚的知道自我肯定及認同的重要，如果你不矯揉造作，她對你加倍青睞。你可以對一個旅行女孩說謊，犯錯也沒有關係，你可以做最真實的自己。別擔心，她在旅途中碰過更糟的事，而且對變化莫測的人性也有深刻的認識。


Date a girl who travels, because when you’re with her, you’ll realize that even though she’s napped at a temple in Angkor Wat, went boating down the Mekong Delta, ran by the streets of Saigon, or went skinny-dipping in the caves in the Philippines , she still retains that humility that is the mark of a real traveler. She knows she’s been to a lot of places, but she’s humbled by the fact that the world is still a big place and she’s only seen a small part of it. Seeing this in her can make you feel all right with yourself too; there’s no need for you to do more, to be more. What you are is enough.

和一個旅行女孩約會吧。和她在一起你會發現，無論她在吳哥窟小憩，在湄公河划船，在西貢的街上奔跑，或是在菲律賓的洞穴裸泳，她都謹記著「謙遜」才是旅人最重要的特質。她知道她去過很多地方，但她很謙虛地了解這世界很大，自己走過的地方只是一小部份。這項特質讓你也覺得很自在，你不需要虛假誇大，只需要做你自己。


When you meet a girl who travels, ask her where she’s been and what she’s going to do next. She will appreciate your interest, and if you’re lucky, she may even invite you to join her. When she does, do. Nothing bonds people better than traveling. On your trips, you will both see each other’s best and worst characteristics, and you can then decide whether she’s worth fighting for.

當你認識一個旅行女孩，問問她去過哪裡、下一個旅行地點是哪裡，她會很欣賞你的用心。夠幸運的話，說不定她還會約你結伴同行。如果她開口，就跟她一起去吧。沒有一件事能比旅行更能拉近人與人之間的關係，在旅程中，你們會發現彼此的優點和缺點，你也可以因此決定她是不是個值得的對象。


It’s easy enough to date a girl who travels. She won’t want expensive gifts; you can buy her (or both of you) cheap tickets to Thailand for the weekend, and she’ll be more than happy to take you to the longest wooden bridge in the country. You don’t even have to go overseas; you can take her out on day trips, caving or hiking, or treat her to a full body massage.
You can also buy her the little things that she keeps forgetting to buy for herself; that carabiner that will attach her backpack to her seat so that she will feel easier about sleeping on her bus trip, or a backpack cover, a small alarm clock, a money belt, or maybe another sarong that will replace the one she lost in China.

和一個旅行女孩約會很簡單。她不渴求昂貴的禮物，你可以買張飛往泰國渡週末的廉價機票給她或是來一趟雙人之旅，她會帶你去看世界上最長的木橋；你們甚至不用出國，你可以帶她去個洞穴探險或爬山的一日小旅行，或是讓她享受一套全身按摩。你也可以送她一些她總是忘記買的小東西。那條能綁住她的背包和座椅的鍊條，讓她能在巴士旅途中睡個好覺；一個背包套、小鬧鐘、可以藏錢的腰帶、或是一條新沙龍來代替她在中國遺失那條。



She won’t mind if you get lost on your way to a date. She knows that oftentimes, the journey is more important than the destination. She will help you see the lighter side of things. She’ll walk along with you, not behind you, pointing out the interesting bits of things you’ll see on the way. Before long, you’ll realize that yes, the journey has been more memorable than the destination that you’ve planned to take her to.

一個旅行女孩不介意你約會時迷路，她知道多數時候旅行的過程比結果更重要。她會讓看到事情的光明面，走在你身旁而不是你後方，為你指出一路上將看到的趣事。不用多久你就會真的了解，和她一起尋找的過程其實比你要帶她去的目的地更讓你記憶深刻。


Is a girl who travels worth it? Yes, she is. So when you find her, keep her. Don’t lose her with your insecurities and doubts. Because when she says she loves you, she really does. After all, she’s seen so many things, met so many people, and if she had chosen you, better grab that opportunity and thank the gods that you were lucky enough she’s chosen you and not that bloke she met while watching the sun rise in Angkor Wat, or while whitewater rafting in the Padas Gorge in Sabah. If she says she loves you, she must have seen something in you, something that can always call her back from her travels, something that can anchor her to the world in the way that she wants to after weeks and months of being on the road.

一個旅行女孩值得你追求嗎？是的，她值得。所以當你碰上她時，請好好珍惜她。不要因為你的不安全感或懷疑而放手，因為當她說她愛你，那絕對千真萬確。畢竟她看過那麼多各式事物，認識了那麼多不同的人；如果她選擇了你，請好好把握這個機會，並感謝老天她選擇的是你，而不是那個她在吳哥窟並肩看夕陽的男孩，或她在沙巴巴達士泛舟的同伴。如果她說她愛你，表示她一定有發現你的某些特別之處；一些能讓她回憶起過去旅行的小細節，一個能讓她在四處漂蕩好幾個月後可以停泊的港灣。


Date a girl who travels. Make her feel safe, warm, and secure. Make her believe that no matter where she goes, and however long she’s gone, you’ll always be there for her, the one that she can call home.

和一個旅行女孩約會吧。給她安心和溫暖，讓她相信無論她去到哪裡，或是離開了多久，你都會在那個她能當作「家」的地方等待她。


Find a girl who travels. Date her, love her, and marry her, and your world will never be the same again.

找一個旅行女孩，和她約會，真愛她，讓她成為你的妻子。你的世界，將會因此而不同。


《《中文版譯自 Reddy Ting Ho。原文載自　Date A Girl Who Travels.》》