[盈響力閱讀]情緒按鈕
#triggers
#就精神層面而言情緒防彈衣是不存在的
#引發大腦神經元就彷彿回到無助的當下
你曾經被誰說過的話感到一秒天堂，下一秒又打入地獄嗎？
你曾經被好友誤傷，他很無感，你卻覺得莫名其妙嗎？
你曾經感受到怎麼親近別人，卻和誰都不親的孤單經驗嗎？
這些經驗，都可能與當下的人事物，沒有太大關係！
這是最近我看好久的一本好書！這讓我想起過去學遊療和個人中心的過程，不斷在案主的內在情緒中遊歷，透過領受和解構個案內在恐懼和驚嚇的經驗，重新建構著神經元的刺激和獲得不預期的反應。近來，有許多書籍，無論是關於 #創傷治療 #情緒重新建構 #大腦神經科學，都逐漸印證這一點，這就是其中一本將情緒機制說清楚的好書。當我們啟動情緒地雷一觸即發，而我們腦袋認為賴以維生的聰明生存機制被啟動，就更難以當年歷歷在目，感到無能的廠警，要試圖擺脫悲傷、憤怒、恐懼的掌握，不能靠腦袋控制，神經不由自主地往那個方向引發！

#於是我們的感受始終沒有事過境遷這回事
當我們內在無法安頓，就更容易引爆和觸發外在的事件，無法平靜的安頓身心。
這種連鎖效應，正是當事人解釋不清、也感到無望的原因之一，心理治療師大衛‧瑞丘以神經科學闡述觸發點的運作機制，以及我們對恐懼、憤怒和悲傷的反應，#幫助我們理解為什麼我們的身體會在我們的頭腦有機會了解情況之前就直接做出反應。這都是在那一瞬間就做出的判斷，且危及身死存亡！
我們可能採取許多防衛，例如 #解離，試著封存不好的感受，拒絕接觸絕對是我們的生存機制之一，他所帶來的代價，也一併被計算進去，我們似乎只能兩全相害取其輕。

而好消息是，這本書中提出許多方法，讓我們有機會將經驗封存在過去，針對經驗說「是」，承認他、接受他、建立內在的支撐，並且讓一連串破壞性情緒有個休止符可以暫停，透過承認觸發點，像經驗說是、一步步帶領我們自我經驗這十二步驟的療癒，最主要 #從內在騰出空間 ，讓重新制約發生作用，幫自己的大腦建立新的連結。對各種負面的情緒按鈕產生新的理解！正是這本書帶來的價值，防疫來讀書，一起讀好書~~歡迎參照

博客來網路書店：https://www.books.com.tw/products/0010892788
#高寶出版

Stand up. Respect ✊

(Update: 中文繹版連結：https://www.facebook.com/329728177143445/posts/1800273350088913/)

“An open letter to Eric Kwok, and for everyone re homophobia, discrimination and bullying”

Dear Eric,

Imagine this. You are one of the contestants on a TV talent show. You are sitting in a room with other hopefuls and one of the judges walks into the room and demanded this: “Raise your hand if you are not homophobic.”

I’m very sure you will raise your hand.

You don’t have to answer me whether or not you really are homophobic. But stay with the feeling inside your mind. How do you feel?

Your feelings are most likely the same as the feelings of your contestants when you walked into a room and asked them to raise their hands to declare their sexual orientation publicly. Because in this day and age, homophobia is just as “controversial” as homosexuality, if not more.

The reason why I’m writing this open letter to you is because after reading your apology, I want to take the opportunity to address to you, and everyone out there, the need for proper etiquette regarding LGBT issues, and to address the forms of micro-aggression, bullying and discrimination the LGBT community faces everyday especially in the workplace.

I’m taking this incident seriously because from my personal experience, this is not just a one-time slip-up for you.

I remember long time ago I was so looking forward to meeting and working with you because you are, after all, Eric Kwok the great songwriter.

You were very friendly when we talked privately. Then I started to notice how once there were audiences, media or other people around and when the cameras were turned on, you would start making insinuating and demeaning gay jokes about me and in front of me. Jokes and comments even my closest friends wouldn’t dare to make in public.

At first, I didn’t really pay too much attention. I just brushed it off as juvenile and trivial. In fact, I had been so used to these jokes since growing up that I learned not to react much.

However, as time progressed and we worked on more occasions, the same thing would happen repeatedly. The teasing and the stereotypical gay jokes continued and you would make sure that the spotlight would fall on me afterwards. The jokes no longer felt light. They felt hostile, even vindictive.

In fact, it felt like bullying.

One of these incidents was well documented in tabloids back then and you can still look it up yourself on the internet.

I came to the realization that it was not just a one-time thing. I don’t know if it’s intentional or unintentional but it’s definitely a habit and a pattern.

So many questions would be in my mind every time after working with you. Why does Eric do that every time? Is he picking on me? Does he hate me? Is he homophobic? Does he think homosexuality is something funny? Does he do this to other people too? Did I do something that pissed him off? I remember I was nothing but courteous. So why do I deserve this?

I had no answers for all of these questions. All I knew was I became fearful of working with you, dreading what words would fall out of your mouth to put me in an awkwardly embarassing position. But still I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt. You’re from California you shouldn’t be homophobic. I even defended you in my head by telling myself to loosen up.

But it’s not just you. Throughout my years in the entertainment industry, I have encountered and endured so many chauvinistic “tough guys” who like to use homosexuality as a laughing stock or source of bad comedy which were all discriminating and demeaning, yet not funny.

It’s not only me. I’m sure many people of the LGBT community face this everyday in their workplace. People around them would claim their intentions were harmless but we all knew deep down that these “jokes” have the power to put people someone in an embarrassing, inferior and even threatening positions.

We kept quiet and tolerated. Sometimes we even felt obligated to laugh along just so we couldn’t afford to look “petty” or “stiff”, especially in front of people of higher authority and stature.

So Eric I want to ask you.

Why have you been so obsessed with my sexuality all these years?

Why are you so fascinated by other people’s sexuality?

Why is being gay such a huge issue to you even to this day that you had to make it the first thing you asked your contestants?

Why you also had to specifically make a post on social media about that fact you questioned people about their sexuality?

Why do you take so much pride publicly in your ability to guess who are the gay contestants even when they weren’t ready to share that information?

And most of all why do you find all this to be so funny?

To begin with one’s sexual orientation is a very personal thing which others have no right to intrude, even in the entertainment industry where you are supposed to be fine with “controversy”.

This is for you and everyone out there: using your power and authority to demand someone to declare his or her sexual orientation, especially in a work environment, is ancient, barbaric and unacceptable.

Kicking someone out of the closet is just pure evil.

The fact you did what you did, especially with your stature and on broadcast TV, is not only wrong, but also you are telling the Hong Kong audience that it’s alright to continue this form of intrusion and micro aggression that the LGBT community wants to see gone.

You’re leading a very poor example by giving Hong Kong audience the impression that being gay is still a taboo.

How are your contestants, who are boys of young age, going to offer new perspectives to the Hong Kong audience under your guidance if you perpetuate stereotyping and demonstrate to them that being gay is still an issue?

I feel sorry for any contestants who are in fact gay sitting in that room that day too. They must have been traumatized seeing the way you forced your inquisition. The impression you left them with is that the entertainment industry is still a very unfriendly place for gays. Is that what you want them to think?

But most of all, it’s the attitude, tone and manner with which you shared about this incident on social media, giving people the impression that any matter regarding sexual orientation is still something shameful and laughable, which is on top of list the thing that the LGBT community fights hard everyday to change.

When you said in your apology you “have great respect for gay people, especially their hard fight for equality” I became baffled as what you did, in the past to me or in that room to the boys, is the exact thing that makes the LGBT community’s ongoing fight for equality so difficult.

Putting people down, perpetuate stereotypes, heckling and ridiculing yet making it look OK is anything but liberal and respectful, or Californian. I don’t see any “entertainment values” that are of good taste if they are made up at the expense of other people’s struggle.

If this incident happened in America, where you grew up, you would’ve gotten yourself in such hot waters that you probably can’t get out of.

I just want you and everyone out there to know that it’s not okay. And it never was. Never will be.

Being “as liberal as it gets” is great. Having gay friends is great too. Having dinner with your gay friends is absolutely fabulous! Playing all these cards to avoid being labelled as “homophobic” is very convenient. But having class, empathy, kindness and authentic respect is a completely different territory. These don’t come automatically with backgrounds.

At this point you don’t owe me an apology. I just hope that after this incident you can really start working and living with the essences of a truly liberal and creative individual. Inspire changes and end stereotypes. Start new trends and break old patterns. Embrace and not segregate. Do the work.

I had been away from Hong Kong and the industry for a few years now. It breaks me heart that I have to write this sort of open letter when it’s already 2018. I want to make this industry a safer, nicer and more accepting place to work in when I return. I want members of the LGBT community in Hong Kong, who have been so supportive of me and my music, to also have safer and nicer working environment in their respective lives.

I don’t mind coming off as an over-reacting petty bitch with no sense of humour if my message finally comes through and everyone, including you, “gets it”. I rather have no sense of humour than a bad one.

To all the contestants of the show. If anyone ever asks you if you are gay and you are not ready to discuss, it’s OK to stand up for yourself and say this: “It’s a rude question to begin with. You have no right to get an answer from me to begin with. And it doesn’t matter. It SHOULDN’T matter. It’s 2018. I hope one day I can use my craft to inspire the world and to make this become a non-issue.”

But if you are ready to be open, you have my complete support and love.

Let’s hope that through acceptance, learning and effort, one day there will no longer be any “controversial questions”. Wouldn’t we like that Eric?

Yours truly,
Pong

#LGBT
#homophobia
#safeworkplace
#中文版稍後會有
Eric Kwok 郭偉亮

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

(Update: 中文繹版連結：https://www.facebook.com/329728177143445/posts/1800273350088913/)

“An open letter to Eric Kwok, and for everyone re homophobia, discrimination and bullying”

Dear Eric,

Imagine this. You are one of the contestants on a TV talent show. You are sitting in a room with other hopefuls and one of the judges walks into the room and demanded this: “Raise your hand if you are not homophobic.”

I’m very sure you will raise your hand.

You don’t have to answer me whether or not you really are homophobic. But stay with the feeling inside your mind. How do you feel?

Your feelings are most likely the same as the feelings of your contestants when you walked into a room and asked them to raise their hands to declare their sexual orientation publicly. Because in this day and age, homophobia is just as “controversial” as homosexuality, if not more.

The reason why I’m writing this open letter to you is because after reading your apology, I want to take the opportunity to address to you, and everyone out there, the need for proper etiquette regarding LGBT issues, and to address the forms of micro-aggression, bullying and discrimination the LGBT community faces everyday especially in the workplace.

I’m taking this incident seriously because from my personal experience, this is not just a one-time slip-up for you.

I remember long time ago I was so looking forward to meeting and working with you because you are, after all, Eric Kwok the great songwriter.

You were very friendly when we talked privately. Then I started to notice how once there were audiences, media or other people around and when the cameras were turned on, you would start making insinuating and demeaning gay jokes about me and in front of me. Jokes and comments even my closest friends wouldn’t dare to make in public.

At first, I didn’t really pay too much attention. I just brushed it off as juvenile and trivial. In fact, I had been so used to these jokes since growing up that I learned not to react much.

However, as time progressed and we worked on more occasions, the same thing would happen repeatedly. The teasing and the stereotypical gay jokes continued and you would make sure that the spotlight would fall on me afterwards. The jokes no longer felt light. They felt hostile, even vindictive.

In fact, it felt like bullying.

One of these incidents was well documented in tabloids back then and you can still look it up yourself on the internet.

I came to the realization that it was not just a one-time thing. I don’t know if it’s intentional or unintentional but it’s definitely a habit and a pattern.

So many questions would be in my mind every time after working with you. Why does Eric do that every time? Is he picking on me? Does he hate me? Is he homophobic? Does he think homosexuality is something funny? Does he do this to other people too? Did I do something that pissed him off? I remember I was nothing but courteous. So why do I deserve this?

I had no answers for all of these questions. All I knew was I became fearful of working with you, dreading what words would fall out of your mouth to put me in an awkwardly embarassing position. But still I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt. You’re from California you shouldn’t be homophobic. I even defended you in my head by telling myself to loosen up.

But it’s not just you. Throughout my years in the entertainment industry, I have encountered and endured so many chauvinistic “tough guys” who like to use homosexuality as a laughing stock or source of bad comedy which were all discriminating and demeaning, yet not funny.

It’s not only me. I’m sure many people of the LGBT community face this everyday in their workplace. People around them would claim their intentions were harmless but we all knew deep down that these “jokes” have the power to put people someone in an embarrassing, inferior and even threatening positions.

We kept quiet and tolerated. Sometimes we even felt obligated to laugh along just so we couldn’t afford to look “petty” or “stiff”, especially in front of people of higher authority and stature.

So Eric I want to ask you.

Why have you been so obsessed with my sexuality all these years?

Why are you so fascinated by other people’s sexuality?

Why is being gay such a huge issue to you even to this day that you had to make it the first thing you asked your contestants?

Why you also had to specifically make a post on social media about that fact you questioned people about their sexuality?

Why do you take so much pride publicly in your ability to guess who are the gay contestants even when they weren’t ready to share that information?

And most of all why do you find all this to be so funny?

To begin with one’s sexual orientation is a very personal thing which others have no right to intrude, even in the entertainment industry where you are supposed to be fine with “controversy”.

This is for you and everyone out there: using your power and authority to demand someone to declare his or her sexual orientation, especially in a work environment, is ancient, barbaric and unacceptable.

Kicking someone out of the closet is just pure evil.

The fact you did what you did, especially with your stature and on broadcast TV, is not only wrong, but also you are telling the Hong Kong audience that it’s alright to continue this form of intrusion and micro aggression that the LGBT community wants to see gone.

You’re leading a very poor example by giving Hong Kong audience the impression that being gay is still a taboo.

How are your contestants, who are boys of young age, going to offer new perspectives to the Hong Kong audience under your guidance if you perpetuate stereotyping and demonstrate to them that being gay is still an issue?

I feel sorry for any contestants who are in fact gay sitting in that room that day too. They must have been traumatized seeing the way you forced your inquisition. The impression you left them with is that the entertainment industry is still a very unfriendly place for gays. Is that what you want them to think?

But most of all, it’s the attitude, tone and manner with which you shared about this incident on social media, giving people the impression that any matter regarding sexual orientation is still something shameful and laughable, which is on top of list the thing that the LGBT community fights hard everyday to change.

When you said in your apology you “have great respect for gay people, especially their hard fight for equality” I became baffled as what you did, in the past to me or in that room to the boys, is the exact thing that makes the LGBT community’s ongoing fight for equality so difficult.

Putting people down, perpetuate stereotypes, heckling and ridiculing yet making it look OK is anything but liberal and respectful, or Californian. I don’t see any “entertainment values” that are of good taste if they are made up at the expense of other people’s struggle.

If this incident happened in America, where you grew up, you would’ve gotten yourself in such hot waters that you probably can’t get out of.

I just want you and everyone out there to know that it’s not okay. And it never was. Never will be.

Being “as liberal as it gets” is great. Having gay friends is great too. Having dinner with your gay friends is absolutely fabulous! Playing all these cards to avoid being labelled as “homophobic” is very convenient. But having class, empathy, kindness and authentic respect is a completely different territory. These don’t come automatically with backgrounds.

At this point you don’t owe me an apology. I just hope that after this incident you can really start working and living with the essences of a truly liberal and creative individual. Inspire changes and end stereotypes. Start new trends and break old patterns. Embrace and not segregate. Do the work.

I had been away from Hong Kong and the industry for a few years now. It breaks me heart that I have to write this sort of open letter when it’s already 2018. I want to make this industry a safer, nicer and more accepting place to work in when I return. I want members of the LGBT community in Hong Kong, who have been so supportive of me and my music, to also have safer and nicer working environment in their respective lives.

I don’t mind coming off as an over-reacting petty bitch with no sense of humour if my message finally comes through and everyone, including you, “gets it”. I rather have no sense of humour than a bad one.

To all the contestants of the show. If anyone ever asks you if you are gay and you are not ready to discuss, it’s OK to stand up for yourself and say this: “It’s a rude question to begin with. You have no right to get an answer from me to begin with. And it doesn’t matter. It SHOULDN’T matter. It’s 2018. I hope one day I can use my craft to inspire the world and to make this become a non-issue.”

But if you are ready to be open, you have my complete support and love.

Let’s hope that through acceptance, learning and effort, one day there will no longer be any “controversial questions”. Wouldn’t we like that Eric?

Yours truly,
Pong

#LGBT
#homophobia
#safeworkplace
#中文版稍後會有
Eric Kwok 郭偉亮

Please check out my business Luxury Fashion Rentals, a luxury handbag rental e-commerce website: https://luxuryfashionrentals.com

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**这不是一个赞助的视频，我用我自己的钱购买的。

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We hit the streets of New York City to ask random strangers, many of whom had never heard of BTS or K-pop before, to pick who they thought was the most handsome or cutest BTS member from a set of photographs. Whether you’re a fan of Kim Nam-joon (RM, formerly Rap Monster), Kim Seokjin (Jin), Jung Ho-soek (J-Hope), Min Yoon-gi (Suga), Park Ji-min (Jimin), Kim Tae-hyung (V), or Jeon Jung-kook (Jungkook), let us know what you love about them in the comments below!

As I mentioned in the video, this is more intended as a fun examination of Korean and American beauty standards — we’re definitely not trying to say one is more handsome than the other, and of course they’re all super multitalented (whether in rapping, singing, or dancing) which a photograph can never convey! Hope you enjoy the video!

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