Have a good laugh! N most importantly remind your child the importance of biology class 😜

Here’s what happened:

Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was “something wrong” with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room.

“He’s just lying there looking sick,” he told me. “I’m serious, Dad . Can you help?”

I put my best lizard-healer expression on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do.

“Honey,” I called, “come look at the lizard!”

“Oh, my gosh!” my wife exclaimed. “She’s having babies.”

“What?” my son demanded. “But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!”

I was equally outraged.

“Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn’t want them to reproduce,” I said accusingly to my wife.

“Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?”she inquired (I think she actually said this sarcastically!).

“No, but you were supposed to get two boys!” I reminded her (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth).

“Yeah, Bert and Ernie!” my son agreed.

“Well, it’s just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know!” she informed me (Again with the sarcasm!).

By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it.

"Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience,” I announced. “We’re about to witness the miracle of birth.”

“Oh, gross!” they shrieked.

“Well, isn’t THAT just great? What are we going to do with a litter of tiny little lizard babies?” my wife wanted to know.

We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.

“We don’t appear to be making much progress,” I noted.

“It’s breech,” my wife whispered, horrified.

“Do something, Dad!” my son urged.

“Okay, okay.” Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gentle tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results.

“Should I call 911?” my eldest daughter wanted to know. "Maybe they could talk us through the trauma.” (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?)

“Let’s get Ernie to the vet,” I said grimly.

We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap.

“Breathe, Ernie, breathe,” he urged.

“I don’t think lizards do Lamaze,” his mother noted to him. (Women can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for G~d’s sake.).

The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass.

“What do you think, Doc, a C-section?” I suggested scientifically.

“Oh, very interesting,” he murmured. “Mr. and Mrs.. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?”

I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.

“Is Ernie going to be okay?” my wife asked.

“Oh, perfectly,” the vet assured us. ‘This lizard is not in labor. In fact, that isn’t EVER going to happen. Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And, occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they um...um . . . masturbate. Just the way he did, lying on his back.” He blushed, glancing at my wife.

We were silent, absorbing this.

“So, Ernie’s just...just...excited?", my wife offered.

“Exactly,” the vet replied, relieved that we understood.

More silence. Then my vicious, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly.

“What’s so funny?” I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness.

Tears were now running down her face. "It's just...that...I’m picturing you pulling on its...its...teeny little...”

She gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.

“That’s enough,” I warned. We thanked the vet and hurriedly bundled the lizard and our son back into the car.. He was glad everything was going to be okay.

“I know Ernie’s really thankful for what you did, Dad.” he told me.

“Oh, you have NO idea,” my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.

Two lizards: $140.
One cage: $50.
Trip to the vet: $30.
Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard’s winkie: Priceless!

Moral of the story: Pay attention in biology class. Lizards lay eggs!

Trash, the Library and a Worn, Brown Table: The
2019 College Essays on Money
美國清寒高中生的大學申請信選讀

We organize the money in our wallets in units of currency, dollars and cents, bills and coins. 皮夾裡的錢，我們會按貨幣單位、美元和美分、紙幣和硬幣分類整理。

But the money in our heads is a lot harder to arrange, lost as it often is in a haze of volatile emotions, pride and shame, jubilation and despair. 但頭腦裡的錢(思緒)卻難整理得多，迷失在情緒波動、傲慢與羞恥、欣喜與 絕望之中。

Reckoning with these feelings is hard, which is why people don’t talk about them much. Writing about them is even harder. 面對這些感受是困難的，所以人們不太談論它們。要把感受寫下來就更難了。

Six years ago, I started asking high school seniors to send in any college application essay that happened to be about money, work, social class or related topics. Immediately, it was clear that there was plenty we could learn from their writing, as they and their parents prepared to make what may be the biggest financial decision of their lives: where to spend up to $300,000 on a college education. 六年前，我開始向高中畢業班學生徵求關於金錢、工作、社會階級或相關話 題的入學申請信。我很快發現，我們顯然能從他們的寫作中學到很多，這期間他 們和父母正準備做出或許是一生中最大的投資決定：多達 30 萬美元的大學教育 經費要花在哪些地方。

This year’s collection of five essays is a reminder of how rich the idea of money is for the writers who dare to tackle it. 今年的五篇短文告訴我們，對於膽敢提筆去寫的作者，金錢這個話題可以多 麼豐富。

A plumber’s daughter and a young man fascinated with garbage trucks take on jobs that few of their peers would want. A dish washer rides home in the middle of the school night, flashcards in hand. A family gets smaller set against the tableau of its aging furniture. And a Minnesota teenager finds her way, over many years, to a new role in an old place of refuge. 一名管道工的女兒和一個著迷於垃圾車的小夥子做著沒幾個同年齡的人想從 事的工作。一個洗碗工放學後半夜搭車回家，手裡拿著學習卡片。在日漸老化的 家具構成的環境中，一個家庭變得越來越小。多年來，明尼蘇達的一個少女在一 處舊避難所，為自己找到一個新的角色。

‘I got the usual looks from people fresh out of bars or parties, either because of the stench of a hard night’s work on my clothes or because I was muttering to myself while feverishly flipping flashcards.’
—Mark Isai Garcia 「剛出酒吧或參加完派對的人朝我投以習以為常的目光，要不是因為辛苦工 作一整晚後，我的衣服上散發著惡臭，不然就是我一邊瘋狂翻動學習卡片，一邊 低聲自言自語。」 ——馬克·以賽·賈西亞(Mark Isai Garcia)

“No more broken plates, you understand?” 「不能再打破盤子了，懂嗎？」

I could make little sense of the broken English that spat from his mouth but his scrunched-up face spoke a universal language. It was a Friday night in Little Tokyo, and while families were eating five-star meals in the front dining room, a 14-year-old boy was in the back washing their dishes.
他嘴裡嘟噥的含糊英語我聽不大明白，但他緊皺的臉孔是通用的語言。那是 在小東京(Little Tokyo)一個週五晚上，外面的餐廳裡，不同家庭享用著五星級大 餐時，後場裡的一個 14 歲男孩正在清洗他們的盤子。

Wash the plates by hand, dump them into the sanitizer, place the plates into the machine, dry the plates off, return the plates to their designated spot and repeat — hopefully without damaging any. On this night though, a porcelain plate slipped through my soapy fingers and shattered onto the floor in five pieces. My face flushed even as I tried to keep my composure, but inside I was screaming, “Why me!?” as if my scream would make the plate whole again. 先用手洗盤子，再把它們浸泡到洗潔劑裡，接著又把盤子放入機器、烘乾， 然後放到指定位置，接著再來——但願別打破其中任何一個。但這天晚上，一枚 瓷盤從我沾滿肥皂的手指間滑了出去，掉到地上摔成了五個碎片。我竭力保持冷 靜，滿臉漲紅，心裡在尖叫，「為什麼是我！？」好似尖叫會讓盤子恢復原狀。

The shattered plate was only one of the many worries fighting relentlessly inside my head for attention — there was the Advanced Placement United States history midterm, a low grade in calculus, the eviction notice, a little brother getting into trouble and a dozen other smaller but pressing concerns. 破碎的盤子只是我頭腦裡不住按耐著的許多憂心事中的一件——先修課程 (Advanced Placement)美國歷史要期中考，微積分成績太低，收到住房清退通知， 弟弟惹上了麻煩，還有十來件相對瑣碎但也很緊迫的掛心事。

For me, there was no calling in sick to clear my head, getting some much needed rest or carving out study time before an upcoming exam. I had to contribute to the necessities. I shut up, got back to work and pushed with all the energy I had left. I knew all too well the symptoms of bottling up my emotions — the bitter taste of salt in each drop of sweat, losing myself in the background music and the muscle aches were nothing new to me. 對我而言，沒有打電話請病假整理下思緒的空間，也沒辦法給自己一些急需 的休息，或是在考試前騰出些時間學習。我得貼補家用。我閉上嘴，繼續工作， 用盡渾身所剩的所有力氣。我深知壓抑情緒之苦——每滴汗水既鹹又苦的味道， 忘我地沉浸在背景音樂裡，肌肉疼痛是家常便飯。

It was 12 a.m. when my shift finally ended. I boarded the bus home and took out my notes to study. I got the usual looks from people fresh out of bars or parties, either because of the stench of a hard night’s work on my clothes or because I was muttering to myself while feverishly flipping flashcards on a bus in the middle of the night. 晚班終於結束時，已經是半夜 12 點了。我搭上了回家的公車，掏出筆記開始 學習。剛出酒吧或參加完派對的人朝我投以習以為常的目光，要不是因為辛苦工 作一整晚後，我的衣服上散發著惡臭，不然就是我一邊瘋狂翻動學習卡片，一邊 低聲自言自語。

Their stares didn’t bother me at all. I was used to those too, and they were nothing more than another set of speed bumps in the way of achieving my goals. I was tired of seeing childhood friends flashing gang signs, relatives glued to the beer bottle or my dad coming home late at night with burn scars from work. Something had to change and I knew it fell to me to initiate that change. 我完全不介意他們的凝視。這些我也都習慣了，不過是我實現目標之路上的 另一組減速丘而已。我厭倦了愛秀黑幫手勢的童年朋友，啤酒不離手的親戚，或 爸爸帶著做工留下的燒傷疤痕深夜回家。必須做出點改變，而我知道，這種改變 需要由我開始。

Fortunately, I also knew I had dedication, desire and grit in my blood. My grandfather was part of the first wave of Mexican immigrants that settled in Los Angeles. He returned home to a small village in rural Oaxaca, with his savings and tales of the land of opportunity. 幸運的是，我也知道我骨子裡有奉獻、渴望和毅力。祖父是第一波在洛杉磯 定居的墨西哥移民。他後來回了瓦哈卡州鄉下小村子裡的家，帶著積蓄和這個機 遇之邦的傳說。

Both of my parents left Oaxaca in their early teenage years and began working long hours in Los Angeles, as a cook and a maid. The work ethic was passed down generations; from the cornfields in Oaxaca, to the restaurants in Los Angeles, to the classroom, which helped me thrive both in school and work. 父母十來歲便離開瓦哈卡州，開始在洛杉磯沒日沒夜地工作，做廚師和女僕。 從瓦哈卡州的玉米田到洛杉磯的餐館再到教室，這種工作倫理代代相傳，讓我得 以在學業和工作振奮向前。

On this particular night, as I walked through the front door at home, I saw an uplifting surprise: My mother had fallen asleep waiting up for me despite her own long day. I tucked the cash tips I made that night into her purse and turned off the TV. 就在這個晚上，我走進家門，無意間看到了一個讓我欣慰的意外：辛勞了一 整天的母親在等我回家時睡著了。我把當晚拿到的小費塞到她的皮夾裡，關掉了 電視。

I peered into our bedroom where my brothers and cousins were lost in their blissful dreams. Watching my siblings snore and breathe slowly sparked a yawn that cued the rest of my body’s delayed exhaustion. However, it would be a while before I could join them in sleep. I had an essay due early the next morning, and Ms. DePaolo doesn’t accept late work. 我凝視著卧室裡進入甜美夢鄉的兄弟姐妹。看到他們輕輕打鼾、緩緩呼吸的 樣子，我禁不住打了個哈欠，這才發現自己已經筋疲力竭。可是，我要過會才能 和他們一道休息。我還有篇作文明早要交，德保羅老師可不接受不按時交作業。

#高雄人 #學習英文 請找 #多益達人林立英文
#高中英文
#成人英文
#多益家教班
#商用英文

So we’ve peered into the future only to find out, I’m gonna be a cat lady 😻

＃記得打開ＣＣ字幕　＃黑洞現身的一周
✔︎ 訂閱志祺七七頻道： http://bit.ly/shasha77_subscribe
✔︎ 追蹤志祺 の IG ：https://www.instagram.com/shasha77.daily
✔︎ 志祺七七 の 粉專 ：http://bit.ly/shasha77_fb

——

各節重點：

00:20 【臺灣焦點】
03:16 【國際關注】
07:02 【趣味集錦】
09:18 結尾
09:40 掰比～別忘了訂閱！

【 製作團隊 】

｜企劃：土龍
｜腳本：土龍、力寧
｜剪輯後製：Pookie
｜剪輯助理：夯吉
｜演出：志祺

——

【 本集參考資料 】

→ 黑洞影像如照片失焦？孫維新解答科學家感動的原因：https://bit.ly/2U9vkME
→ 8座電波望遠鏡捕捉黑洞 我負責3座／中研院另還負責資料成像處理、黑洞模型電腦模擬：https://bit.ly/2Ill6aU
→ 事件視界望遠鏡（Event Horizon Telescope，EHT）全球記者會：https://bit.ly/2PdCTRY
→ https://bit.ly/2P7MGbW：What are black holes? WIRED explains
→ SCIENTISTS HAVE PEERED INTO A BLACK HOLE AND TAKEN A PHOTO OF ITS EVENT HORIZON FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME：https://bit.ly/2DeR3xk
→ The first-ever photo of a black hole is expected very soon：https://cnn.it/2KAHte3
→ 遣返武統學者李毅 總統府：支持依法處理：https://bit.ly/2Pb9VSL
→ 李毅：韩国瑜颂：https://bit.ly/2GeKtYd
→ 李毅：再论和平统一已无可能：https://bit.ly/2V0nmtU
→ 盧秀燕Facebook：https://bit.ly/2PaIB72
→ 獨／深夜已與移民署聯繫 李毅：一秒鐘都不想待台灣：https://bit.ly/2PdAeHN
→ 中市府駁警車開道 中國和平統一促進會：已刪除：https://bit.ly/2Z7b1mK
→ 台中「和平統一」大遊行喊卡，台灣統促會和中共是什麼關係？：https://bit.ly/2ZcTLwt
→ 413護台抗中！反制統促台灣人站出來！：https://bit.ly/2UP9YIT
→ 釋字第 445 號：https://bit.ly/2V1yXZH
→ 集會遊行法 ：https://bit.ly/2GmMcMD
→ 非洲豬瘟資訊專區：https://bit.ly/2VKiJ4v
→ 台灣廠商研發非洲豬瘟「快篩試劑」，獲OIE驗證是亞洲第一：https://bit.ly/2V3KxDT
→ 非洲豬瘟0410》中國海漂豬屍一直來，連日出現已達五例！農委會：中國疫情嚴峻：https://bit.ly/2GpjquQ
→ 蘇丹政變：鐵腕總統下台軍隊接管的前因後果：https://bbc.in/2ZbVq5z
→ 蘇丹政變：「種族滅絕罪總統」巴席爾遭軍方逮捕，結束30年獨裁：https://bit.ly/2ZbDA2G
→ 利比亞內戰升高 叛軍爭奪首都之戰已釀121死：https://udn.com/news/story/6809/3755345
→ 圍城的黎波里！利比亞內戰3.0，「東西軍」交戰美軍撤兵：https://bit.ly/2V6316J
→ 利比亞內戰轟炸石油工廠 國際油價上漲：https://bit.ly/2P9jz8p
→ 厄瓜多7年花2億養亞桑傑 終難忍怪異的他：https://bit.ly/2P9jJwx
→ 厄瓜多使館藏身7年被捕，維基解密創辦人恐引渡美國受審：https://bit.ly/2P7Ndus
→ 亞桑傑評價兩極 資訊透明維權英雄或美國公敵：https://bit.ly/2v2MPo3
→ PSA: Julian Assange's cat appears to be safe：https://cnn.it/2VLfTMv
→ 誰敢投反對票？金正恩順利連任國務委員長，習近平拍發賀電：這體現了黨和人民對你的擁護：https://bit.ly/2UnIjuE
→ 【全國兩會】習近平全票連任國家主席、軍委主席：https://bit.ly/2IkAVOS
→ 大陸官方宣布 4至9月強力遏阻侵犯個資行為：https://bit.ly/2v63irG
→ 市场监管总局部署开展“守护消费”暨打击
侵害消费者个人信息违法行为专项执法行动：https://bit.ly/2VT7Jl2
→ 演算出史上首張黑洞照片 29歲科學家成焦點人物：https://bit.ly/2Z2fTdb

【 延伸閱讀 】

→ 人類首次拍得黑洞照片 再證愛因斯坦廣義相對論：https://bit.ly/2Df80Ye
→ 把望遠鏡搬到格陵蘭？！觀測黑洞的瘋狂天文學家：https://bit.ly/2G58O2x
→ How Katie Bouman Accidentally Became the Face of the Black Hole Projec：https://nyti.ms/2D9Wr4B
→ Israeli settlements, explained | Settlements Part I：https://bit.ly/2PbpM3m
→ How to take a picture of a black hole | Katie Bouman：https://bit.ly/2FKyYYu


＼每週７天，每天７點，每次７分鐘，和我們一起了解更多有趣的生活議題吧！／

🥁七七仔們如果想寄東西關懷七七團隊與志祺，傳送門如下：
106台北市大安區羅斯福路二段111號8樓

This is an English cover of "Sekai ni Hitotsu Dake no Hana" (The Only Flower in the World), a well-known song performed by Japanese boy band SMAP (founded in 1988 and disbanded just last year in 2016), with lyrics by singer-songwriter Noriyuki Makihara.

While I usually create my own translations, there was already a fantastic English version of this song by Hiromi De Young (YouTube linked below in the credits), and a great translation of the chorus by Nelson Babin-Coy (channel also linked). I used my favorite parts of each of these and made a few of my own changes.

I hope this song's message of acceptance and uniqueness reaches a larger audience through my cover.

Enjoy!

*Note: As usual, most of the translation is very close to the original meaning, but the second pre-chorus (the verse starting with "I saw a small flower...") is actually quite different from the original. However, I loved these lyrics so much that I kept them :)

The original meaning of the verse in Japanese is:
I didn't even know his name
But he gave me a smile that day
Just like a flower that was blooming
In a place where nobody would notice it

～♪～♪～♪～♪～♪～

今日は、昨年解散したSMAPの「世界に一つだけの花」を英語で歌ってみました♪

今回の英語詞はいつもと違って他人の訳詞を使わせていただきました。Hiromi De Youngによる素晴らしい英訳とNelson Babin-Coyによるサビ部分の素敵な英訳に、自分の変更を少し入れて歌わせていただきました。（お二人のYouTubeチャンネルへのリンクは下記のクレジットに記載しました。）

私のカバーを通じて、他人に対する寛容さと個性の大切さという、この曲のメッセージがより多くの人に伝わると嬉しいです。Enjoy!

※ちなみに、この英訳はいつものようにかなり原曲の歌詞に近いのですが、2番目のＢメロ（「I saw a small flower」から始まるところ）だけが原曲の意味とかなり離れています。それでも、ここの英語詞があまりにも素敵だったのでそのままにしました(^^)/

I saw a small flower as I walked by
通り過ぎたら小さな花を見つけた
It stretched from the shadows to reach for the sky
その花は影の中から空へと伸びていた
I thought to myself, what if I was that way
そして思った　私もその花と同じように
Reaching for my own dream and saying...
自分の夢に手を伸ばして　こう言おう

～♪～♪～♪～♪～♪～
曲情報 / SONG INFO
～♪～♪～♪～♪～♪～

SMAP／世界に一つだけの花
2003年リリース
作詞曲：槇原敬之
英語詞： Hiromi De Young、ネルソン・バビンコイ、渡辺レベッカ

SMAP / Sekai ni Hitotsu Dake no Hana (The Only Flower in the World)
Released 2003
Music/Lyrics: Noriyuki Makihara
English Lyrics: Hiromi De Young, Nelson Babin-Coy, Rebecca Butler Watanabe

～♪～♪～♪～♪～♪～
リンク / LINKS
～♪～♪～♪～♪～♪～

■HP⇒ http://BlueEyedUtaUtai.jimdo.com
■Facebook⇒ http://facebook.com/blueeyedutautai
■Twitter⇒ @BlueEyedUtaUtai

■Chords
(Coming soon)

～♪～♪～♪～♪～♪～
歌詞／LYRICS
～♪～♪～♪～♪～♪～

No. 1にならなくてもいい
(No. 1 ni naranakute mo ii)
もともと特別なOnly one
(moto-moto tokubetsu na "Only one")

I saw all the flowers lined up on display
The shop full of colors with their scented embrace
We all have a blossom we like more than the rest
But I think, with flowers, they all are the best

No fighting or envy, they never contend
But smile in the sunlight and sway in the wind
They all know their mission, it fills them with pride
Everyone is different yet all are alike

I wonder why people must always compare
And judge one another it seems so unfair
To place color, status, and looks to the test
For how can these show us who’s the best?

Just like these flowers
In the whole wide world, you are one of a kind
Cherish your uniqueness, no, you don't need to hide it
Each one of us holds our own special seed
So just be true to you, that's all you'll ever need

A man stood beside me and peered with a sigh
He puzzled and pondered but could not decide
With so many flowers and various hues
All were so pretty, which one should he choose?

Suddenly, a big smile broke out on his face
Flowers in all different colors and shapes
He gathered up a bouquet with one of each kind
Hugging them softly with joy in his mind

I saw a small flower as I walked by
It stretched from the shadows to reach for the sky
I thought to myself, what if I was that way
Reaching for my own dream and saying...

そうさ　僕らも世界に一つだけの花
(sou sa bokura mo sekai ni hitotsu dake no hana)
一人一人違う種を持つ
(hitori hitori chigau tane wo motsu)
その花を咲かせることだけに
(sono hana wo sakaseru koto dake ni)
一生懸命になればいい
(isshou-kenmei ni nareba ii)

Small flowers, big flowers, all kinds of flowers
You will never find one that’s just like any other
So you don’t need to struggle to be number one
Just be yourself because there’s only one

La la la la...