記得我therapist話其中一個克服恐懼or焦慮嘅方法就係正確label/name個焦慮出黎，上個post好多good vibe comments不過淨係話「接受佢啦」、「有益的」係好難順攤gurrrr 嘅👧🏻

點解好驚lil gecko？

我嘅Herpetophobia（唔係heterophobia but well this deserves another post) 可能來自我好唔鍾意wriggle wriggle又動作迅速嘅事物（reptiles），唔係reptile嘅衣魚都係其中一種。咁e個時候therapist就可能會問，”where does the dislike come from?” 諗一陣我可能就答 “because the fact that they are so swift means that I lose control over my household, somewhere I thought I enjoy peace and maximum protection in.” 跟住therapist 就會話「咁係咪合理？」

咁我就maybe會話「其實唔合理因為我唔可以控制所有嘢，其他動物or昆蟲or爬爬嘅free will我無法即時控制（but wouldn’t it be great)，我只能夠在能力範圍內改變四周環境去curate what i want in life。

Therapist：Go on

Me：但係我嘅恐懼or焦慮應該係來自一切難以控制嘅事物，事物嘅威脅又隨其物理體積、行動力（aka權力）及其隱藏能力exponentially增加。例如一d unstable 嘅former affiliation、唔知邊度出現嘅父母親新朋友、遠房親戚etc

Therapist：咁可以理解以你好「唔鍾意」以上例子，同埋你所謂嘅「ew直佬」、隨便同你影相嘅人，都係因為似乎你控制唔到佢地？

Me：咁簡單like唔好講sexist jokes 或尊重私人時間都唔自己get到咁我就覺得好distressed

Therapist：name the distress

Me：係因為佢地唔跟我個習慣or 價值觀？

Therapy：do they necessarily know what’s in your mind?

Me: no, and probably no one in their lives have ever expressed distress or told them it’s NOPE。我覺得ew嘅嘢都可能係因為我即時控制唔到佢地習慣or 價值觀？

Therapist: it’s ok to feel upset. Now back to the gecko…

Me: 我可能唔鍾意「the Other」、「a stealthy other」，都係因為我習慣心安來自full control，咁我可能要知道1. 無可能full control 2. 唔係full control都可能有inner peace 3. 能夠能力範圍內改變自己和周遭已經不錯 4. lost control 嘅時候最重要有support network，例如開ig live 或者post status

Therapist: there, there

Me: 我嘗試接受隻gecko，佢嘅出現提醒我更加要家居清潔，可能時不時叫多d人黎玩壯下膽too；人來說，風險管理都要做好，我就當自己always preparing for war

Therapist: we need many more sessions to work on that aggressive mindset ...

Me: ok sure~ I’m taking this cookie~ see u next time~

Also me：（打電話比mom扭計）

🦎

Nope! LOL!

#全日行程都預唔到時間 #塞車塞到爆 #點解會咁架 #可唔可以由呢一刻個人生順返少少 #btw #隻手指唔係我既 #我啲指甲靚啲架