For a very long time, I was constantly afraid of letting others down.

Not just with my mom and dad and boyfriend, no. I didn't want to disappoint even the Starbucks barista, H&M sales clerk, and the cleaning lady.

I was a sucker for people pleasing.

Raised to be a "good girl," my self-worth was entangled with what others think of me. I subconsciously made it my job to make everyone happy.

With friends, I said Yes to go out for drinks when I wanted to stay home, drink tea, and read a book instead.

At work, I strived to meet others expectations (and my own impossible expectations towards myself) until I got sick and depressed.

In relationships, when I felt sad or lonely or hurt, I couldn't share with my partners. I didn't want to them to think of me as weak or uncool or difficult. But no vulnerability means no real connection.

If you see yourself in my story, one of the most liberating things you can give to yourself is the permission to disappoint others.

Not out of meanness to others but out of kindness to yourself.

I wrote about this more deeply in my new article.

👉 Read my new full blog here >>https://milenanguyen.com/blog/2020/2/27/let-me-disappoint-you

Tania, a coaching client, told me about the night she cries in her bedroom with a job offer in her hands. She knew this job was not for her but it made her parents proud.

Tania was unhappy with her job but she also didn't know what she wanted.

What really happened was that she had spent so many years following others' expectations that she lost access to what I call the “inner compass” - the place within each of us that holds the answer to the questions:

“What do I want?” “What is my purpose?”

Part of the work to get Tania back in touch with her inner compass was to let go of the fear of disappointing others.

“I give myself permission to disappoint others.” became Tania’s affirmation.

Not to disappoint people out of meanness and inconsideration. But out of kindness to herself.

Slowly Tania experienced the lightness and freedom she’d never felt before. That opened up the space for her to explore the work that she felt called to do.

It’s such a cliche but we really can’t make everyone happy.
---
✨ Excerpt from my new blog "Let Me Disappoint You".
👉 Read full article here >> https://milenanguyen.com/blog/2020/2/27/let-me-disappoint-you

人的一生好比客棧，
每個早晨都有新的來客。
喜樂，沮喪，卑劣，
某個瞬間的覺知，
像是意外的訪客翩然到來。

歡迎並熱情招待他們每一個！
即使是一群悲傷之徒，
恣意破壞你的屋舍，
搬空所有傢具，仍然要待之以禮。

因為他可能帶來某些嶄新的歡悅，
洗淨你的心靈。
無論是灰暗念頭，羞愧或惡念，
都要在門口笑臉相迎，
歡迎它們進入你的內心。
不管來者是誰都要心存感激，
因為每位訪客，
都是上天賜給我們的嚮導。

--魯米 客棧

The Guest House ~ Rumi ~

This being human is a guest house.Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture,still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,meet them at the door laughing,and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.

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