Leo szn has my inner crackhead jumping out 😂🤌

‼️⚠️TRIGGER WARNING⚠️‼️ A lot of people think that because I left my toxic environment when I was 18 I automatically became happy but actually I wanted to die every single day until I finally got treatment. My entire childhood I lived in a bubble and when I’ve escaped that bubble I had to sort of life in the real world with the skills I’ve learned inside the bubble, of course it clashed. The first picture is me before hospitalization, therapy and meds and the 2nd one is almost 1 year after being on meds. I have pretty bad ADHD and trauma which caused really hard mood swings, dissociation and delusions. I wasn’t just sad or disappointed, I had flat out psychosis on several occasions. One I remember very vividly, because it was so scary, was actually happening last summer when I looked like a crackhead (idk what word to chose lol) I flat out believed I didn’t exist. Like, I had this delusion that I was dead or somehow an artifact of people’s perception but I, a me, did not actually exist. This was followed by me renting a hotel room to try to kill myself in but just ended up injured. The entire hotel chain banned me too 💧 It’s weird, I look at these things now and I can laugh about them. It’s not funny but I catch myself finding it funny. Brains are weird, they really are. Anyways after that I had a couple of more incidents involving handling sharp objects and glass vases while dissociating and I was finally put into a psych ward where I got amazing treatment. I only sometimes dissociate and don’t have psychosis anymore. I mostly feel calm and not anxious. The thought of wanting to die doesn’t even cross my mind. My past? I’m grateful for it. Getting better is a long journey. Wherever you are you can make it - the world is full of endless possibilities, as vast as the universe. If you’ve told me that several years ago I wouldn’t have believed it and instead said something like “it doesn’t get better” or “what doesn’t kill you doesn’t always make you stronger”. Now I think that I’m order to create a new version of yourself, your old self has to reach a point of destruction sometimes. So, let’s love ourselves because our body and minds are doing hard work.

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