【Uncle Mean的語言偽術課】如何話人死蠢而不失優雅

Today, at the request of 網友S we’re going to indulge ourselves in an art so impressively and delightfully mastered by the Brits - insulting people with a smile and the politest words.

Uncle Mean

Apply for your own Standard Chartered Smart Card here: sc.com/hk/smartcard/unclesiu

#有收錢的廣告系列

話說，屋企嘅所有開支，包括我啲卡數在內，都係阿太負責找嘅。話方便係好方便，佢搞晒我可以煩少樣吖嘛；麻煩嘅係，會畀佢見到我碌卡買過乜。

講真，有時啲波鞋同玩具嘅價錢，我哋覺得合理，但係對女士們嚟講，已經遠遠超出咗佢哋嘅想像範圍；入境方面可以趁佢瞓咗先搬返屋企，第朝問幾錢就求其講細個數。不過醜婦終須見家謙，到張單嚟到，一切都會無所遁形。

不過最近，畀我搵到個突破位😎

我見到某間銀行有張信用卡(唔講名喇，想知嘅就自己上網搵，費事你哋又話我賣廣告)，只要你碌條數超過五舊水，你就可以自己揀將條數分期，揀三個月嘅話仲要免息；即係話，假設你買千五蚊嘢，你可以將佢分拆做$500x3。喺女友/太太嘅世界觀入面，五舊水一個figure，同千五蚊一個figure，係西環行去柴灣嗰種差距；只要拆細咗之後嘅價錢冇超越佢哋嘅心理關口，就唔會哦你。

而且，呢個服務冇限次數，係無限次三個月零息分期。

直頭係男士福音啦係咪？一知道之後，我就10-1衝去申請，心諗呢次我仲唔耳根清靜？收到張卡嘅當日就立即走去shopping；一貫嘅做法，買完之後將啲戰利品擺晒喺車先，到夜啲全屋瞓晒之後就落去攞番上屋企✌🏻

一路搬啲嘢入屋，一路忍唔住讚自己醒目；偷運入境期間，我見到地下有個名店紙袋。

*****我係同伍家謙一樣咁靚仔嘅分隔線*****

第朝起身，同阿太食早餐。

太：「咦，你又買嘢呀？」

我：「係呀，啱啱有減價好抵，見只係幾舊水咪買下囉。」我一路講要一路忍笑，兼內心OS狂讚自己聰明。

我：「我見你都買咗個袋喎。」

太：「係呀，喂你知唔知有張信用卡只要你碌過五百蚊可以自己揀免息分期三個月？我已經申請咗張卡喇！嗰張卡喺啲超級市場買嘢仲有5%折扣！」

你哋唔會明嗰種由天堂跌落地獄嘅崩潰。

— 完 —

Btw，講緊嗰張係Standard Chartered Hong Kong嘅Smart Card，全新客戶成功申請仲可享迎新禮遇高達HK$1,600現金回贈，想好似我哋咁醒，快啲去 sc.com/hk/smartcard/vince 申請啦！

受條款及細則約束，資料只供參考，詳情請參閱渣打銀行網頁。
借定唔借？還得到先好借！

請問有無朋友係用BNO，出入香港或者中國？怕未？嚇破膽未？

Btw，《The Guardian》好衰㗎，

//Hong Kong citizens and foreign residents are not required to show a passport when they depart Hong Kong international airport, instead using a smartcard ID.//
（香港市民同外籍居民，响機場離港係唔需要出示護照嘅，係用身份證。）

#唔好咁啦
#護照政策係咪邊個內部事務

《The Guardian》Hong Kong: China will no longer recognise British national overseas citizens
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2021/jan/29/britain-launches-visa-scheme-for-hong-kong-citizens

悠遊卡，是一張整合捷運系統、公車、停車場、特約機構等付費方式的非接觸式多功能電子票證。
全國互通的大眾運輸、超商、超市、、Ubike、計程車、加油站......等，都可以使用悠遊卡支付扣款，便利暢行

DescriptionThe EasyCard is a contactless smartcard system operated by the EasyCard Corporation, which was previously named the "Taipei Smart Card Corporation", for payment on the Taipei Metro, buses, and other public transport services in Taipei，Now the card will be able to consolidate other service in Taiwan

Real name registrations? Passport or ID card, Pre bookings and X-ray machines to go to the beach?
I wanted to show you all how to take the bus in Shenzhen, and decided to go to China's most popular beach only to be told that I need my passport and a reservation to access the beach!

Shenzhen Tong (Chinese: 深圳通) is a contactless smartcard system used for electronic payments in public transportation and some other areas in Shenzhen, Guangdong Province, People's Republic of China. It was developed by Shenzhen Modern Computer, the provider of automatic fare collection systems to Shenzhen Metro, with cooperation from Octopus Cards Limited, the operator of Hong Kong's Octopus cards system. It was first adopted by minibuses in Shenzhen, until the new system was introduced by Shenzhen Metro. The English name was originally TransCard.

Starting from January 18, 2006, Shenzhen Tong was gradually accepted by public buses to replace the old IC card system by Shenzhen Bus. All routes operated by Shenzhen Bus Group, Shenzhen Eastern Bus, Shenzhen Western Bus and most other private buses operators accept Shenzhen Tong cards.

Infineon Technologies announced it has won a contract to be the sole supplier of contactless microprocessor chips for Shenzhen Tong cards. Issuance unit volume of these cards is expected to exceed three million by the end of 2008.

Shenzhen Tong card can be purchased for RMB20 (Sale Version Card) deposit. A combined Shenzhen Tong and Hong Kong Octopus card is available, called the Hu Tong Xing, with RMB & HKD in different purses.


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