Sexism，性別歧視，有時覺得它是一個譯壞了的詞。因為在華人的世界，性別歧視是指「因為她是女人所以你歧視她」，或「因為他是男人所以你歧視他」，但其實Sexism的指涉遠遠超出了男女之別——用男女之別去看待性別，你就是一個Sexist。

一派堅持性別只有兩種，一派堅持性別有很多種，我想這種爭拗100年後也不會完，尤其它已升格為一種政治的意識形態，「你支持LGBTQ+的話就應該擁護民主黨，否則你就是共和黨的人」。這是甚麼？Partism。

反對Sexism，就是反對人把一些東西Sexualise（我不喜歡「性化」一詞），但很多時說者無心，聽者有意，問題究竟出現在說者還是聽者身上呢？我很深刻多年前跟一位朋友通訊，那時的慣於用「妳」作女性人稱，後來被「他」抗議說這樣令「他」很反感，於是我追問是否用「她」也不可以，他說是，他希望被用到企人邊的他，而不是女字邊的她。我很快明白他的邏輯：既然「他」是泛指所有人的第三人稱，為甚麼我們要刻意用「她」把女性個別出來呢？為甚麼沒有男字邊的「男也」，而預先假定了「他」就是男人？

這下我才發現His和Her跟他和她原來不是一樣的東西。Asexualise（「無性化」這個詞反而可以接受）目的就是對抗性別定型的刻板印象，不以性別論英X，但很明顯現時的左派主流不是走這一條路，他們是推動「泛性化」，推廣性別的多樣性，教導大眾每一個人的性取向（Sexuality）都應該被尊重的。性取向在中文本來是指「哪個性別令你產生性吸引」，但Sexuality又是另一個意思：不單是指「取向哪種人」，更重要是「取向哪種我」。

要明白他們的思想，先要明白他們的語言。同一個字在兩派口中出現歧異，自然就會互相歧視。不過，強行要求泯滅歧見，要求人人的看法都要一樣，豈不是違背了LGBTQ+「尊重不同人有不同取向」的信念？很多時人們反感的不是多元的性取向，而是強迫所有人都要接納，那唯我獨尊、過份高舉的態度。歧視同性戀（Homophobic）的人固然有其可惡之處，但強求phobic的人philic，這卻是一種令人phobic的行為。

小心將來被人說你是「Cloverphobic」，因為美國正在悄悄推動支持孌童的議程：

https://www.patreon.com/posts/40691885

作者

I didn’t quite like u when u first migrated back from Singapore. I was not used to ur full power energetic mode - hopping with ur two back legs like a bunny, eyes staring straight into mine asking for treats. I thought u were annoying. Of course, u were just a baby, u were only a little more than one year old. U were energetic yes, but never the cuddly type, definitely not the type that would let me or anybody hug u to sleep. Oh I remember that deep sigh of urs if I pin and lock u down. U didn’t like it, and that was the whole purpose of me doing it, to annoy u back. Yeah I bullied my baby a lot. All the games I played with her were the rough ones. I played with her like she was a big dog, and she would always lie down belly up panting and opening her mouth wide like she was laughing out hard. For the longest time I asked, why couldn’t u be just a little calmer so I could look more glamorous carrying u out of the pet salon like how Paris Hilton carried hers? Every single time i fetch u I felt like my top was going to be ripped open by u. But well mum said u were like me so I didn’t have any more complains afterwards. U were like me. So much like me. I gradually grew so fond of u I didn’t know when and how it happened. Oh and those numerous times of hide and seeks! I’d always be really creative about where to hide, and u’d always have to spend some time cracking the ‘riddles’ to locate me. Well yeah I played some tricks I moved around sometimes when u were out of sight, whereas some other times I felt u didn’t point out my location at an instance just to make me a happy winner. U were never physically cuddly, but always heart warming. Those round black eyes of urs speak a thousand words. They were so beautiful I almost feel jealous. U taught me what unconditional love means in especially these few months, since u decided to stop eating someday in Dec 2019. It was hell of a journey we had, and u pulled the greatest strength to fight like a warrior. U r freed now, from pain and struggles. Happy birthday to me, and happy rebirth day to u. U, and what u showed me, is the greatest birthday gift of 2020. Today heaven has a new angel. I love u my season baby, forever. ♥

I had more to say but insta limited me to the above. But I guess I could go on for pages and days talking about her, and I’m sure they will come back in fragments. A little bit here, some other bits there, most I’m sure will make me smile thinking back. But I am so proud, so proud that her demeanour wooed even the most fur pet phobic friends of mine. To me, she was and will always be exceptional, truly truly exceptional. Boss is perhaps right, I will be more willing to give now, thanks to her life lessons. Carry our love and run across the rainbow bridge happily and don’t look back my baby, go where angels truly belong to. It’s a complete chapter with the most fulfilling ending, we have no regrets ♥️

#有些人可能是有承諾恐懼症
如果你的約會對象讓你經常猜想「他到底喜不喜歡我？」「他有沒有想要在一起？」總覺得忽冷忽熱捉摸不定，你可以看看以下「承諾恐懼症」的特徵：
1.他們過去的關係都很短暫。
2.他們不會做太久遠的規劃或預定行程，只承諾幾天或幾週內近期的事。
3.對於你的聚會邀約，他們很難精準回答「YES」來告知你他要參加，他們比較常回答「可能會」「也許」，不想給明確答案。
4.他們習慣潤飾他們說的話，你會常聽到「也許」「可能」「說不定」。
5.他們可能有活躍的性生活，甚至有點複雜淫亂。
6.他們常有許多「不確定」而未被界定的曖昧關係。
7.他們不習慣表達心情，不太說「我愛你」。
8.他們不用「男/女友/老公/老婆」來稱呼你。
9.他們或許看起來擁有很多朋友，但卻很少親密的朋友。
10.他們若即若離，有時候很甜蜜親近，有時候又感覺疏遠你。
（節錄參考自Berit Brogaard DMSci(2015)10 Signs That Your Lover Is Commitment Phobic. published at psychologytoday.com.）
https://agilove.tw/flirtationship-6

《小心眼 Soul Filter》數位發行中
線上收聽 Listen：https://lnkfi.re/soulfilter
訂閱頻道 Subscribe：https://lihi1.com/wC9Ka （記得開啟小鈴鐺）

何其感恩在一年前的今天，發行了自己的首張創作專輯《 #小心眼Soulfilter 》整張專輯、每首歌都是從過去生活的經歷吸取養分也獲得靈感。

《57 Days》是訴說曾經一小段一見鐘情的遠距離戀愛，以爵士曲風表現當初的期待和不安，那樣的心情也類似一年前準備發行專輯的心情。今天分享給大家的《57 天》是年初音樂會的Live 版！很榮幸可以邀請到爵士鍵盤大師/好友 曾增譯 一起演出。

經歷365天來到2020/11/1，雖然是個不安寧的一年，所有的行程被迫終止暫停，卻也是再次紮根真實的世界中，探索、收集與創作。為了身旁的家人朋友和你們今年的健康平安感謝，也祝福世上每個角落的人們可以安穩度過2020年，帶著希望進入2021年，在下一年的這個時候，I see you.

So grateful that exactly one year ago today, I had the opportunity to release my first full-length album of originals, Soulfilter. Every song is a precious snapshot of momentous events in my life.
To commemorate this release, I'm going to release a series of live videos from our show in the beginning of this year. Stay tuned every week for more videos!

#57days is a song I wrote... exactly 57 days after a delightful first date. It was about being idealistic yet realistic about love and relationships. It's still one of my favourite songs today.
This version is as live and unpolished as it gets, with audio straight from the show. Hope you still appreciate the story through the rawness :)
/

57 Days
作曲 / 作詞：蔡佳靈
Composer / Lyricist: Charis

I think I just wasted 57 days
Thinking of 57 ways
To show you that I want you
To say I love you
But I think I’m losing love again
I know that being so very far apart
Will take its toll upon our hearts
Although I really want to say I love you
But I think you want to be just friends

Maybe it was never meant to be in the first place
But I still wonder what your lips are like at the first taste
Did I just waste 57 days dreaming in a silly, romantic haze?

Before, you said you'd whisk me away
To some exotic sunny place
If it rained we'd run for cover and breathe in each other
But that dream is melting like sorbet on a summer's day
Maybe it was never meant to be in the first place
But I still wonder what your lips are like at the first taste

I can't read you
You wax cold and hot
Sometimes we're getting nowhere
Sometimes it hits the spot
Decision, commitment-phobic? Well so am I
It's been a while, since anyone has made me like flying,
You make me like flying, you make me feel like flying…

If you would tell me that your love is here to stay
I'd wait for another day, and make it 58
If we were just face to face in one embrace
Our fears would be kept at bay and things will be okay, they would be okay

樂團 Band:

Keys: 曾增譯
Drums: 陳冠毅
Bass: 大頭
Guitar: 周顯哲

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小朋友，最喜歡做一些大人眼中很危險的事情。他們會爬高爬低，愈爬得高，就愈興奮。他們又喜歡踩滑板車，踩得非常快，甚至從斜坡衝下來，追求那種刺激快感。原來，小朋友喜歡追求刺激的心理，在他們成長發展中，有一個非常重要的功能。

2011年挪威心理學家 Ellen Sandseter發表研究報告，嘗試解釋「風險活動」對兒童身心發展的影響。

根據Dr. Sandseter定義，「風險活動」是指一些可以給小朋友刺激快感，但同時又存在受傷風險的活動。基本上可分為六大類：

爬高 (play with great heights)
速度活動 (play with high speed)
玩弄危險工具 (play with dangerous tools)
危險環境附近活動 (play near dangerous elements)
玩打交 (rough-and-tumble play)
玩走失/消失 (disappear/get lost)

Dr. Sandseter的主張是，小孩年幼時，對很多事物都懷有恐懼之心，例如畏高，害怕陌生人等。這其實是小朋友的天性本能，用來保護他們，因為當時他們還未有能力去應付這些事物。隨住小朋友的成長，他們會慢慢產生一些追求刺激快感的傾向，而「風險活動」就正正可以滿足到小朋友對刺激快感的追求，並且對他們成長有正面影響！

參考資料
Sandseter, E. and Kennair, L., “Children’s Risky Play from an Evolutionary Perspective: The Anti-Phobic Effects of Thrilling Experiences” Evolutionary Psychology, 2011 Jun 21;9(2):257-84

Poulton, R. “Evidence for a Non-associative Model of the Acquisition of a Fear of Heights.” Behaviour Research and Therapy 36.5 (1998): 537-44