我的母親
油畫 75x47cm 1982 香港
母親名皇甫道安，湖南桃源縣人，外祖父時家道中落，但外祖父喜愛讀書，曾收集原版「二十四史」。母親中學上長沙周南女中，後逃婚到上海讀大夏大學，與父親結婚而輟學。生我們兄弟姐妹六人，隨鄉親躲日軍赴重慶，直至1949年父親赴台，從此父母分隔兩岸，至死未得見面。孩子長大，分散各地，母親申請做小學教師，帶我與弟弟在身邊，艱苦度日。
她體弱多病，多次開刀，曾在課室講台暈倒。1950年她帶我投靠鄉下的舅舅。舅舅是「小地主」，土改時被農會吊打，追討金銀財寶，外婆嚇得投水淹死。不久，媽媽也驚嚇得半夜投水，被我發現，馬上叫醒舅舅，急忙點了火把，拿了竹竿將尚浮在水壩中的母親打救上來。多少年後，母親告訴我，那次她看見水底好亮堂，一定是觀世音菩薩來救她了。她在小學簡易木樓宿舍的柱子上長年貼著印有觀音坐像的香烟長盒包裝紙。
盼啊盼啊，到1978年，我們盼來的卻是父親在台北去世的噩耗！1980年，獲准到香港，五年後，弟弟陪她到台北，終於在父親墓前舉香祭拜……。再過四年，她與大姐家和我一家都遷居台北。沒過多久，她病倒了，我們送她往基隆長庚醫院檢查後醫生告知為器官衰竭。
我當年很忙，開始時還沒意識到母親身體病況嚴重。有次我去看她，幫她老搓揉冰涼的雙手，她問我：「茂芹，媽媽偉不偉大？」，我一時楞住了，不知怎麼回答，我說：「我們不要用偉大，妳是了不起的榜樣……」，媽媽拍拍我的手背……。
在基隆簡易治喪會上我哭得差點噎到。媽媽，妳度過多少苦難！妳還以微薄的工資去救濟水災難民，妳教育我寫字要端正，要文從字順，要以忠厚為人之本……，我的偉大的母親啊。我們重修父墓，將母親的骨灰罈放在棺木內父親的肩旁……他們會有說不完的唐詩宋詞……。

My Mother
Oil painting 75x47cm 1982 Hong Kong

My mother’s maiden name was Huangpu Daoan and she was born in Taoyuan County, Hunan. The Huangpu family had fallen upon hard times, but her father was an avid reader who counted an original copy of the Twenty Four Histories in his collection. My mother attended the Zhounan Women School in Changsha then fled an arranged marriage to study at Daxia University in Shanghai. She quit the university after marrying my father. Together they had six children and when the Japanese invaded, she fled to Chongqing with relatives. When my father went to Taiwan in 1949 with Chiang Kai-shek’s government, the cross-strait separation meant they never did meet again in this life. When her children grew up and moved to different parts of the country, my mother applied to become a primary school teacher. She kept me and my little brother by her side and made the ends meet as best as she could.

My mother’s health was always poor and underwent many operations. She even fainted once at the front of the classroom. In 1950, she took me to the countryside to seek refuge with her brother. My uncle was a “small landowner” who had been persecuted by the farmers’ co-operative during the land reforms to cough up his “ill-gotten gains.” My grandma was so terrified that she chose to drown herself. My mother also tried to drown herself one night but I immediately woke my uncle up. He lit a torch and we fished my mother out of the dam with a bamboo pole. Many years later, my mother told me that it seemed so bright under the water that she thought the Guanyin Goddess had come to save her. On a pillar of the simple wooden house used as a dormitory by the primary school, she had pasted a picture of the Guanyin Goddess sitting in the lotus position from the packaging of a cigarette box.

We waited and waited, but when we finally received word from Taiwan in 1978, it was bad news. My father had passed away in Taipei! In 1980, I received permission to go to Hong Kong. Five years later, my little brother accompanied her to Taipei where she could finally burn incense at my father’s grave….Four years later, she moved with me and my big sister’s entire family to Taipei. She fell sick a short while later; when we took her to the Chang Gung Hospital in Keelung, the doctor said that it was organ failure.

I was very busy at the time and I didn’t realize how serious my mother’s condition was at first. As I was massaging her icy-cold hands during one visit, she asked me, “Mau-kun, was your mother great or not?” I was taken by surprise and did not know what to say. I eventually answered: “Let’s not use the word great. You are a wonderful example…” My mother patted the back of my hand…

I almost choked on my tears during the simple funeral in Keelung. Oh, mother, how much you suffered! You even donated what little wages you earned towards flood relief. You taught me to write in a neat hand, to be fluent in my writings, and to lead an earnest life….My mother was a truly great woman. We refurbished my father’s tomb and placed the urn with my mothers’ ashes inside the coffin by my father’s shoulder….They can now talk about ancient Chinese poetry for all time…

Thank you 公公 for being in my life. You’ve showed me so many things along the way and I feel blessed. When I was little and couldn’t sleep you sat by the side of my bed and patted my leg. You took me to school everyday cooked for me. When you were old and sick I sat by your bed and rubbed your leg and ate with you on Sundays.

Thank you for letting me return the love that you have given me. Thank you for showing me how you loved and cared for your wife and family through sickness and health.

公公我好感恩你一路一直陪着我成長。細個嘅時候當我瞓唔到覺你會坐喺我床側邊patpat 我隻腳直至到我入睡。每日送我返放學煮好多嘢俾我食。到到你變老嘅時候有病我就坐喺你張床側邊幫你做按摩，每個禮拜日就會同你食飯。

我覺得自己好幸福。多謝你比我呢個機會將所有你比我嘅愛還返俾你。多謝你照顧得婆婆咁好。I will miss our Sunday dinners but I’m a man now and will hold your memory in my heart forever. I know you are standing tall and powerful once again breathing deeply! 我會好掛住你. Rest in peace :)

#alex公公

The decision has been made ten days ago. Together with Datuk Seri Norza, we met at YB Sy Saddiq’s house and collectively agreed for my request to hang my racquet. They were solemn yet I managed to keep my emotions intact. It was heavy, very heavy. They were understanding, and I was grateful for that. They didn’t force me to play on. I simply couldn’t play anymore.

Wife made us brunch. My kids and I monkeyed through the meal. We had fun. Then my personal friend cum assistant came. He passed me the script I would have to follow in the press conference. I tried to memorize. It was piece of cake. Even Kingston said ,” Wah papa, your BM and England better than me”. We laughed.

After a long warm bath, I looked at the guy in the mirror, “Want to try one more time?” Then my sight gazed down to my neck and body. My body was so frail and thin. My muscles were jelly soft. The scar on my neck was so deep and dark after all the treatment.

Opening the wardrobe, I took out the Yonex Tiger Stripes Malaysia Jacket, chosen as my press conference attire. Standing beside me Mew Choo pointed out ,” Do you still remember when we started playing professionally, the national shirt we had was the plain white shirt with Proton Tiger logo as its main print? Never knew 19 years later, you would end it with a tiger on your shirt as well”. She looked into my eyes. I couldn’t utter any word. She hugged me, whispered, “You have given your all”.

Together we hopped on my friend’s car to Menara KBS. In the car, I was told worldwide media friends would attend the press conference. I took out the script, hoping to memorize one last time. My another hand? Clutching hard Mew Choo’s hand…

Suddenly my phone kept vibrating. My teammates. My relatives. My close friends. Words spread. They knew. I declined all their calls, trying to remain steady. I read their messages and heard their voice messages. Some cried. Some offered support. Many said thank you with pictures of me holding cups and the national flag.

Met my ex coaches Datuk Misbun, Datuk Seu Bock, Hendrawan at the center. They patted me and the pack. The conversations were short. Been with me too long. They knew I was focusing, trying to keep my emotions intact. I simply didn’t want to cry in public. Not in front of millions of live Malaysian and international audience.

Sat in between Datuk Seri Norza and Yb Sy Saddiq. I started off my speech. It was unimpressive. Facing the crowd, I didn’t remember the script at all, only relying on the key points to carry me through. Grammar out. Bahasa out. But I thought still okay. As long I didn’t crumble. Inside, I was trembling, shattering...

Then, started to thank my coaches, my team. All a sudden, flashbacks of how I trained in Penang came first. Flashbacks of my early morning trainings, jokes and banters with teammates, the walks into the court, the shouts of ‘Lee Chong Wei” from fans, the emotions of standing on the podium looking at the Malaysian flag”. I couldn’t hold back. I teared.

It has been a year. A year since I announced an end to my 25 years active badminton career span. It would never be the same for me again, but I think I still made the right decision. After all, I have given my all, my best, although sometimes the best may not be good enough…

一年前的今天，我宣布退役，结束我在马来西亚国家队19年的羽毛球生涯！过去一年我有更多的时间陪伴家人，也履行了承诺带老婆去旅行，幸运的是当时候还没有爆发新冠疫情，一切安排得刚刚好。

别问我会不会想念球场。

19年的国家队，6年槟州队一员，25年羽毛球职业生涯，占了我大半辈子人生，球迷们在场上一次一次大喊我的名字，那个场景那个声音，午夜梦回还总会在耳边回荡。

真心感谢球迷们对我的支持和爱护，就算我退役了，这份热情也少不了，还有谢谢教练团队，羽总主席，羽总的全体上下，所有帮助过我的爱我的朋友们......

阳光总在风雨后，这个行管令让我们有更多时间沉淀自己，好好想想未来人生；生活继续，加油努力，我们后会有期。❤️

今晚8点，Astro Arena有我的访问😊

「I LOVE みんなのどうぶつ園」初回2時間スペシャルの放送に登場してくれた
カピバラさんたちの放送に入りきらなかった秘密を公開！

オンエアでは、お尻をかいたりすると、気持ちよくて鳴き声を上げたり、毛が逆立つことを紹介しましたが…
実は他にもこんな特徴がありました！

カピバラがナデられると気持ちよくなるところは一体、ど〜こだ？

「I LOVE みんなのどうぶつ園」
相葉雅紀が学び、培ってきた16年にわたる経験とやさしい目線で、日本中、世界中の動物園・水族館はもちろん、街の片隅に生きる動物たち1匹1匹の「個性」をリアルに、丁寧に描いていく動物番組です。
動物が大好きな視聴者の方々はもちろん、動物にそれほど興味がなかった方も、みんなのすぐそばで暮らし、みんなと変わらない感情をもつ動物たちを、思わず好きになってしまう番組です！

★I LOVE みんなのどうぶつ園：
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These capybara living in Chiba, Japan have a favorite spot to be patted.
Where is it? Find it out in this must see cute animal video! Capibaras are adorable animals!
This footage is brought by "Everybody's Zoo" hosted by Masaki Aiba of ARASHI.

こんばんは、ゆうりです(*^^*)

今回は、あなたを抱きしめて頭を撫で、日々の頑張りを認めて褒める動画です。マネキンの髪を手櫛でとかす、頭を撫でる、耳元で囁く音などが入っています。
私は過去に周りに努力を認めてもらえなかったり、味方がいない、愛されていないと感じていた時があり、とても毎日が辛く、生きることが苦しかったので、そういった悩みを抱えている人たちへのメッセージを込めた動画を撮りました。
少しでも楽な気持ちになってもらえたら嬉しいです。

動画に対する意見・要望を募集中！
より良いチャンネルにしていけるよう、みなさんの声を聞かせてください！
ぜひコメントよろしくお願いします(｢・ω・)｢

☆イヤホンまたはヘッドホンでご視聴ください。

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コハクが一番して欲しくて、とってもうれしい事は
ポンポンなでなで！
されている時のコハクの姿は幸せそうでホッコリします
チャンネル登録宜しくお願いします！https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1I_KcYSMje8OsQ7KZjOTrg?sub_confirmation=1

コハクインスタ引っ越ししました
kohakoha589
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宜しくお願いします



＜利用しているBGMサイト＞

DOVA-SYNDROME
http://dova-s.jp/

甘茶の音楽工房
http://amachamusic.chagasi.com/

【魔王魂】
http://maoudamashii.jokersounds.com/

【On-Jin ～音人～】
https://on-jin.com/