原生家庭中，當孩子沒有被父母真正接納與照顧，往後的他也就難以接納與照顧自己，因為覺得自己是不好的，都是自己的錯，會給他人帶來麻煩，是一個不值得被愛的人。這樣的孩子從來沒有被當作一個人。當他想哭的時候會被說「不准哭」，想生氣的時候會被嚴厲制止，焦慮的時候會被嘲笑或挨打。身為一個人，若無法以最自然的方式被接納，就會竭盡所能找到能被接納的方式。因為他需要連結，需要目光，需要愛。
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對一個孩子而言，若沒有連結，他將不曉得自己無力時歸屬何方。若沒有目光，他將難以判斷自己的是非對錯，也無法替自己驕傲與難過。若沒有愛，他就只能將這些困惑與失落傾倒回內在，被孤單一點一滴啃噬。
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
相反的，在一個健全的家庭當中，父母會接納孩子最基本的人性，認真看待他的需求，安撫他的焦慮；孩子也會因此學習同樣的方式，長大後能善待自己。

這是我們學習而來的思維與模式，如果可以探究其根源，重新整頓，才能再次於生活中找到安身立命的態度。那時候，去愛一個人，就不是因為自身心靈的缺陷渴望被滿足，而是因為能夠發展出更具有創造力與共鳴的關係，產生實質的愛。
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但在傳統文化中，父親經常是批判者，也是家庭中屬於逃避情緒的角色，比較嚴厲、難以給予溫暖。母親經常是收拾善後的受難者，孩子總是需要承接她的情緒。即使現在多元文化的愛情並非傳統的男性與女性角色，但若不是一段健康的關係，伴侶的相處仍舊容易維持高度緊張的情緒衝突狀態。
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這個環境下，為了生存，孩子還是會選擇走向其中一邊，帶著救援與關懷的心，共同譴責另一方的不是。孩子的潛意識也學習到其中一方的態度，帶著這個家庭模式的痕跡，長大遇見第一位伴侶，再將這種模式還原，然後分手後再遇見第二位、第三位、第四位，想要擺脫不適合的愛情……直到某天，共組一個新家。
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只是，他始終哀鳴與困惑，為何走遍了所有的路，卻仍找不到那個他所期盼的「家」。
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👇更多內容，收錄在我的新書《為什麼我們總是愛錯？》，今天(11/24)凌晨00:00開放預購
reurl.cc/e8o7nb
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
#為什麼我們總是愛錯 #莊博安心理師 #心理諮商 #心理治療 #伴侶治療 #家 #強迫性重複 #情緒 #愛情 #原生家庭 #counseling #parents #psychotherapy #coupletherapy #compulsiverepetition #repetitioncompulsive

【你也可以擁有被動幸福】(English writing below)
YOU CAN ALSO ACHIEVE PASSIVE HAPPINESS

我們一出生，就從來沒有停止過去追求幸福。小時後，吃喜歡的食物，玩新的玩具，去新的地方，長大後，追求愛情、事業、金錢.......

但有的人，天生八字真的不怎麼樣，小時讀書馬馬虎虎，長大後，要財沒財，要事業沒事業，要愛情沒愛情，原生家庭又給不到她他溫暖。

於是，有些人把希望寄託在孩子身上，以為自己生孩子，也能夠製造一個快樂溫馨的家庭，是他們的人生終極目標。

但是他們都沒發現，他們的八字根本沒有這樣的命。夢想和現實起了對立，有了自己的家庭後，反而煩惱更多，快樂更少。

錢依然不夠用，伴侶原來不是稱職的家長，大家會為了孩子的事吵架、冷戰。

孩子健康又不好、情緒管理差、很難教，女傭讓他們很傷腦筋，兼顧家庭和事業也讓自己不停和時間賽跑，活得沒有自己，也不知道到底哪一天才會雨過天晴。

八字無法改，但是一命二運三風水，所以八字沒有的，聰明的人會用風水來補助自己的運。

我常跟客人說：不要傻傻地吃苦。很多時候，只要把居家風水搞好，很多的問題都能迎刃而解。這基礎做好了，就算您沒有去追求，幸福也會自動降臨您家。

風水如何能夠讓您心安的六種方式，且聽我在這影片的解說：https://youtu.be/w9J8BFLsHPw

...................................

Since our birth, we have never stopped pursuing happiness. As kids, we cheer when we get to eat our favourite food, play new toys and see new places. As adults, we chase love, career achievements and money.

However, there are some people whose Bazi are really nothing to shout about. When they are young, their academics are so so. When they grow up, they want money but they don't get it. They want a good career, but no, it didn't happen. They crave a good relationship but nah, they never have it. And the family they grow in couldn't give them the warmth in their lives either.

Hence, some of them place their hopes on having children they think belong to them. They envision that they can finally create a loving and warm family. That shall be their ultimate life goal. That is why people work so hard for, isn't it?

But what they didn't realise is that their Bazi were not able to support them in their pursuits. Their dreams and the reality they face every day become a stark disparity. As they have their own families, instead of having more happiness, they get more troubled.

Money still remains scarce, and the spouse turns out be an incompetent parent, causing conflicts and cold wars in the marriage over the children.

The children aren't any better off. Their health fluctuates, they are poor in emotional management, do not listen well to instructions. With both parents working, getting a good maid is necessary. Yet, this maid becomes another headache. Balancing both family and work starts taking a toll on them. Every day is a race against time. There's no “Live for Yourself" like what all those new age gurus preached. Worse is when they have no idea EXACTLY WHEN life will be better.

We can't change our Bazi. But as the Chinese saying goes, first is our Destiny, second is our Luck, third will be our Feng Shui. Whatever our Bazi lacks, the smart person will make up for it by using Feng Shui to supplement their own luck.

I often nag at my clients: don't suffer in vain, when a solution is actually within reach. In many situations, after the home Feng Shui is done right, many problems get resolved. Once this foundation is laid right, even when you are not actively chasing for it like a mad hamster, happiness will descend into your home by default.

So how exactly can Feng Shui give you a peace of mind? I talk about the 6 ways here in this video: https://youtu.be/w9J8BFLsHPw

【Yahoo 玄來愛情】原生家庭對自己感情幸福的傷害

原生家庭出現問題，必然會對自己的人生有影響，例如感情，事業，工作，人生觀。

昨天才有客人跟我分享，因為她的原生家庭，所以導致她從小就不會相信任何人，只靠自己，很獨立，沒有想到長大了，事業成功了，卻在愛情上不容易妥協；這是其中一個例子。

而今天的例子則是另一位女客人，出生在很傳統的家庭，媽媽說不結婚的女孩子是沒有用的，這句說話從小就㨁入了她的腦海，一生「為結婚而結婚」的想法已成定局。

因此，每當有對象出現，就要為結婚而結婚，而自己從來沒有想過對方為甚麼要和自己結婚。

而媽媽的出現，更為成姻緣的催命符；每次見面就只問對方是否要和自己的女兒結婚。

而自己也被原生家庭迷惑了，和媽媽一起催男方何時要結婚，盲目得很，從來沒有想過事情的本質。

結果當然是一塌糊塗。

自己好好想一想，原生家庭是否在影響著你；如果有，我的忠告是早日遠離，不要被家人情緒勒索。

別相信那些「我都是為你好」這些鬼話，人大了要有自己的想法。

全文閱讀：

https://wp.me/s3oEVO-190421

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你也可以擁有不動幸福 YOU TOO CAN ACHIEVE PASSIVE HAPPINESS

我們一出生，就從來沒有停止過去追求幸福。小時後，吃喜歡的食物，玩新的玩具，去新的地方，長大後，追求愛情、事業、金錢.......

但有的人，天生八字真的不怎麼樣，小時讀書馬馬虎虎，長大後，要財沒財，要事業沒事業，要愛情沒愛情，原生家庭又給不到她他溫暖。

於是，有些人把希望寄託在孩子身上，以為自己生孩子，也能夠製造一個快樂溫馨的家庭，是他們的人生終極目標。

但是他們都沒發現，他們的八字根本沒有這樣的命。夢想和現實起了對立，有了自己的家庭後，反而煩惱更多，快樂更少。

錢依然不夠用，伴侶原來不是稱職的家長，大家會為了孩子的事吵架、冷戰。

孩子健康又不好、情緒管理差、很難教，女傭讓他們很傷腦筋，兼顧家庭和事業也讓自己不停和時間賽跑，活得沒有自己，也不知道到底哪一天才會雨過天晴。

八字無法改，但是一命二運三風水，所以八字沒有的，聰明的人會用風水來補助自己的運。

我常跟客人說：不要傻傻地吃苦。很多時候，只要把居家風水搞好，很多的問題都能迎刃而解。這基礎做好了，就算您沒有去追求，幸福也會自動降臨您家。

風水如何能夠讓您心安的六種方式，且聽我在這影片的解說。

...................................

Since our birth, we have never stopped pursuing happiness. As kids, we cheer when we get to eat our favourite food, play new toys and see new places. As adults, we chase love, career achievements and  money. 

However, there are some people whose Bazi are really nothing to shout about. When they are young, their academics are so so. When they grow up, they want money but they don't get it. They want a good career, but no, it didn't happen. They crave a good relationship but nah, they never have it. And the family they grow in couldn't give them the warmth in their lives either.

Hence, some of them place their hopes on having children they think belong to them. They envision that they can finally create a loving and warm family. That shall be their ultimate life goal. That is why people work so hard for, isn't it?

But what they didn't realise is that their Bazi were not able to support them in their pursuits. Their dreams and the reality they face every day become a stark disparity. As they have their own families, instead of having more happiness, they get more troubled.

Money still remains scarce, and the spouse turns out be an incompetent parent, causing conflicts and cold wars in the marriage over the children. 

The children aren't any better off. Their health fluctuates, they are poor in emotional management, do not listen well to instructions. With both parents working, getting a good maid is necessary. Yet, this maid becomes another headache. Balancing both family and work starts taking a toll on them. Every day is a race against time. There's no living for yourself like what all those new age gurus preached. Worse is when they have no idea EXACTLY WHEN life will be better. 

We can't change our Bazi. So as the Chinese saying goes, first is our Destiny, second is our Luck, third will be our Feng Shui. Whatever our Bazi lacks, the smart person will make up for it by using Feng Shui to supplement their own luck. 

Don't suffer in vain, when a solution is actually within reach. In many situations, after the home Feng Shui is done right, many problems get resolved.  Once this foundation is laid right, even when you are not actively chasing for it like a mad hamster, happiness will descend into your home by default. 

So how exactly can Feng Shui give you a peace of mind? I talk about the 6 ways here in this video.

******************************

阿彌陀佛，你好！我是李季謙，來自新加坡的風水命理師。我將我的一生貢獻於弘揚佛法和中華玄學。這過程曲折離奇，卻也充滿了許多人生的領悟。

通過我的影音與寫作，我希望能與你分享，盼你也能夠突破自己命運的束縛，真正活得精彩：我命在我，不在天。

人生長短無所謂，最重要的是活得有價值，有貢獻。

***********

Hi, I am Lee Ji Qian, a Chinese Metaphysics practitioner from Singapore. This journey in propagating Buddhism and Chinese Metaphysics has been full of hard knocks and exciting discoveries.

Through my videos and online writing, I hope to share my journey with you. So that you too can break free from the limits of your destiny and truly live a life you can call exciting. My destiny is in my own hands, not Heaven. So is yours.

It does not matter whether we can live a long or short life.
What matters most is living a life of value and contribution.

??‍? 服務諮詢 FOR MY SERVICES：
http://www.qianyu.sg/consultations

? CONNECT WITH ME HERE:
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