我痔瘡又長了我好崩潰 而且還內外痣都有很痛也一直在流血🩸 我怕我哪天因為痔瘡失血過多而往生 懇求新聞媒體不要報 #很 #丟 #臉 #4不4紅顏一定要配薄命？ #真的是送給我屁股很棒的愚人節禮物😊🖕

那些關於產後妳所不知道的事： A few things people don’t tell you about postpartum: The baby is out of your belly. Yay! But you will still look about 3-4 months pregnant. Sorry. 寶寶終於出來了，那肚子應該平了吧！但是對不起，妳還是會看起來像懷孕3-4個月。 You may not instantly bond with this alien looking like thing which just came out of your coochie snorter. And it’s OK to not feel that instant love. For me, it was like who is this thing? 妳可能不會馬上愛上剛剛從妳的妹妹蹦出來的寶寶。 沒關係！對我來說，我第一眼認真看著寶寶的時候心裏的OS是 “你是誰啊⋯⋯？“ You are so sore EVERYWHERE. From the labor itself (body convulsing during contractions, pushing during, well, pushing, and just your body pushing out a freaking baby). 妳全，身，都會酸痛。全身，從宮縮的時候到使勁洪荒之力想把寶寶推出來的時候無時不刻的酸！ You’re also sore down there. Everything down there is sore. And swollen. And sore. Did i mention you will be sore? 妳下體也會酸，樓下所有可以酸的地方都會酸、妳不知道可以酸的地方也會酸，酸跟腫。 還有酸。很酸。喔，我有跟妳提過會很酸嗎？ You need a squeezy bottle to wash yourself after you pee. 妳可能會需要用個手捏的噴霧罐來幫妳清洗下面尿尿的地方。 You may need to sit on a donut because there’s so much pain down there. 妳可能會需要坐在一個“甜甜圈”上面，因為妳樓下妹妹就是這麼痛，不管碰到任何東西會痛。 You will bleed. A lot. Or maybe not a lot. But there will be blood. 妳會流血，而且很多。或是不多， 但是會有血。 You will love granny panties. Or at least I do. But maybe I always have. 妳可能會愛上阿嬤內褲。最少，我很愛。但是可能是我從以前就很愛了。 You may be constipated. Or you may have hemorrhoids. Oh the fun! 妳可能會便秘。或是妳可能會痔瘡。好好玩喔 :( ! After all those months of sleeping on your side, you can now finally… oh wait. Nope. You still can’t sleep on your belly because your nipples are so sore (if you’re breast feeding) 經過這麼多月要側躺， 你終於可以趴著⋯⋯喔，no no，說錯了，你還是沒有辦法趴著睡覺，因為妳的乳頭（如果妳要親餵的話）會很酸。 Your nipples will progressively start to get more and more sore and painful. Oh so so painful. Boo :( 妳的奶頭會越來越酸，越來越痛，跟痛。天啊，好痛喔。 ：（ You will also eventually start to get bazookas for boobs. Yay! :) 妳會變一個大奶妹。耶！ ：） Your neck will be sore from constantly looking down at the baby to make sure it’s feeding correctly, or making sure it’s still breathing and alive, or just because it’s so damn cute and you can’t stop yourself from looking down all the time. 妳的脖子會因為妳一直往下看而變得超級酸：妳要確認妳餵的對，或是確認寶寶還活著， 或是單純因為他太可愛了所以妳會一直往下望著他。 And sleep? BAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Good one. 至於睡覺？哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈！